Copper_Heart

Hi @barn , @MercurySunlight! Thanks for the answers. I will look into Cesar today. I remember hearing about it one of the Tom Woods show many years ago, but I didn't save any bookmarks. I guess I will start with Milan and then I will find it through related stuff.

Ouch! Getting back there!

Right now I am trying to go through Jordan Peterson's Self-Authorship, but I stumble on this: Generally, I am rather anxious and a bit neurotic(recently got jump scared by the supermarket's swing gate when it unexpectedly touched me...). But when I am doing introspection I am a blank page. So, for example, I have to choose the events that affected me in self-authoring and I am not sure what to pick half of the time... I noticed that before I was eager to talk about my issues but now I went to a lot of psychologists that were unhelpful... I am just tired of rewriting retelling my story all over again...

I remember trying to find it and stumbling on nothing. Basically, the idea was to make the dog part of your tribe and cooperate. They had a lot of psychology and boasted to have great results. I put it in self-knowledge because if you read what is offered online it's like a typical book about parenting: do that and YOU will feel good. Basically, people don't want to show empathy the just want to bribe their way in. I see it as entirely self-serving and psychopathic in some sense. I find that there are some books on body language that tune our primate mind to understand what exactly the loud beast wants to say. Does anyone by chance know anything about that?

more on that.

Glad you liked it. This thing really gives hope. I would notice though that those are about coherence psychology which is heavily based specifically on memory reconsolidation, but there are other types of psychologies that achieve the same effect. Page 5 has a list of few. I find EMDR very interesting because it has proven to be fast.

>I accept IFS parts as a conceptual metaphor for identifying psychological subcategories, but I get confused when I start to consider the actual reality of such things. Can someone help me see the validity of his claim? I believe this issue dives deep into topics of ontology and epistemology, but I lack the philosophical chops to argue for or against with a sufficient degree of certainty. I had little to add to this except that there are apparently different circuits in the brain that can fire many at the same time. Some of them can conflict with others. http://www.coherencetherapy.org/files/Unlocking_the_Emotional_Brain-Ch1.pdfThose guys have made/use a neurological research about how psychological change works. It's a peer reviewed, scientifically proved study and they say that IFS works. Page 5.

What's your take on it?

I feel too anxious about that, but if were to happen which point has been called to your attention?

My understanding of Stefan's critique on NVC: You are empathizing with people, when is it enough? What if a counterparty is violent, or a psychopath, or just physically unable to change? Does that mean I should not defoo. Disclaimer: I have read RTR before and it made sense to me, I look at everything pretty much through its lenses. Maybe there is a bias I have and I just ignored the obvious flaws NVC has, by just assuming RTR where NVC was lacking. What NVC is, it's a framework of relationship that adds needs to the base of a human relationship. Basically, for me, it just adds a new facet to communication. So the basic question is: Is there any benefit in taking in account people's needs, including once owns? The answer seems to be "yes". The Rosenberg himself has said that violence is acceptable in self-defense, though. He also made it an important point that one does not need to have their need met by exactly that person. It can be any other person, perhaps a more capable one, like a therapist. Awareness of your own needs is a positive influence towards understanding that they are actually not met with that person. So my take on warnings that Stefan has given are this: I think it's the best way you can treat people at first and then see how they treat you(except for your child, to whom you have a higher degree of responsibility). For example: if Rosenberg is getting paid(his needs for achievement and sustenance are met) to resolve a conflict, it's very different from me I coming to my aunt (imaginary aunt) who berates me and does no satisfy my needs. NVC is the last resource in this case. In the last link, a psychologist is talking about trying to catch and heal that evasive true-self, but that's something he does in his capacity as a psychologist. I think the defoo is a necessary choice and in many cases NVC should not be considered if defoo is possible(stemming from 2.). I have heard few psychologist saying that for some clients advance in treatment is outright impossible while contacting with the family and for others it can lead to a relapse. I welcome more criticism. The positive thing is that it gives me more ideas about what I value in people that surround me. Compassion is certainly a skill one needs to spend some time to develop. PS. Sounding like hippie seems to be another thing to be wary of.

I must say here few things. The Hollywood's, Woman and man journal's lifestyle is all about that. There is a population that has seen nothing else in their lifetime. You live in a city, mom and dad have no time for you, so kids are basically being "taught" by their peers in public schools. A school which imitates prison society(prisons and public schools have the same architecture), breeds an internal society similar to Lord of Flies. In this micro-society tribal rules apply. Guys who are not socially acceptable are outcast and don't get female attention. It all then makes sense for them when they see a typical "everything will be alright when she sees the car" movies. Obviously, those guys then start complaining loudly about it. That's how I see it, but does it clarify your doubts? I am confused about your argument: Because of prostitution laws, man can't buy sex They take alternative route by providing different resource than money for women or having different contracts(sugar daddy is strictly saying a trick) It's the first part and I agree, but then you say: Those laws in turn were erected by poor men to prevent rich men from monopolizing Precisely because buying cars actually makes you instantly less wealthy it hinders rather than helps in any other situation. Monogamy is sexual communism. I am not sure what are those laws? Yes, it hinders rich people from buying a cheap prostitute, but they still have money to get other offers women make, while poor men are totally out of that market. Meanwhile, monogamy does not mean much except that man and woman are not supposed to have long term public relationship with many men/women at the same time. If you read about rich guys, they a are usually having a few girlfriends at a time. So far monogamy and prostitution laws only, defacto, apply to poor man.

Oh, thanks! Will watch.

My parents have had a quarrel, my brother is lying in the other room and crying... The only person with whom I can communicate more or less on the necessity of change is my father. I need to make the first step and teach through an example, though. https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships-ebook/dp/B014OISVU4/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr= I want to supplement my self-study buy an online exchange of thoughts and experiences. Anybody up to it?

http://www.coherencetherapy.org/files/Unlocking_the_Emotional_Brain-Ch1.pdf Basically, classical psychology said: there is no way to heal psychological trauma only way is to alleviate it by constantly counteracting its symptoms. Those guys have, as far as I get it so take me with a grain of salt, demonstrated that it can be healed. They have described the process on a neuronal level. Now, It's hard to assess the quality of your psychologist, but from what I have read the fact that he just dropped you without any reference tells me that he is a bureaucrat who wanted to have a steady income and not to help people. Some reference to what you should do next should be given to you just from basic human kindness. I imagine you would feel alone and resentful after that. Judging by myself of course. A psychologist should at least provide to your basic need for empathy. If they are trying to heal you without that, they are either very talented or unprofessional.

It does now, thanks. I am not sure in what state of mind I was reading, but I am glad I had quit early. XD

This is very important. You need a more involved psychologist. They put bureaucracy first in such a delicate matter. It probably did more harm than it helped. I can give a small hint of where there could be a more coherent approach. If you want. I would recommend book "how to fail at everything and still win big" by scott adams or any other book somewhat related to hypnosis, conviction, and attitude.

I think Bob is talking about Paul Krugman saying that USA govt can borrow more because credit is cheap. Now he reversed one. I, however, want to make a question about one of your previous articles, noting first that my understanding of any economic school is limited: So as far as I understand it, currency/money is used because people see it as having value, basically, it is like any other good that we barter for. MMT says that there is no need for government to put taxes in place(here is my weakest point, I am new here), just spending should be sufficient. in this case, we talk about fiat, which by itself hold no value like an object. So my reasoning goes as follows: How to make fiat valuable? If a government just spend it fiat at first it will achieve nothing. It a fishy deal: people have work for this notes, but some entity can just issue them at will without any cost. Nobody would want that. So in order to put value into fiat government is taxing people. Then they start valuing money as their dear life. While necessity to repay adds makes it costly to create money, so that it does not seem unfair because at the end govt is promising to put some value behind it by repaying a debt. If USA is not taxing but just printing, then somewhere some other forms of currency/money will completely substitute it. This will subtract from dollar's value even further because now it represents a lesser share of value in the market. The printing by a government, in this case, will create even great desire for people to hop off the dollar. So as per argument that I have made 2nd point does not seem to hold. Have I missed something?

It's linear unless you are critiquing Stefan, then you are moved to the start of the queue.

It may be my hypersensitivity, but to me seams it's more important at this stage in life to work on communication issues with your OH. Again, that's my opinion and I would expect some one to correct me on that, so don't take it to seriously. Yet, there seems to be some problem in communication between you two: you talk about an issue that worries you and she gets annoyed. Now that seems like something might be missing in your communication. I don't know what it is, but there is some "issue" that must be understood and fixed by itself. Because if you are "worried to much", then why? I don't think like giving marriage over to this people is any good. Maybe you to want to draw a line in the sand. I mean this people may fight against you for the rest of their life. Is that what worries you? Can we know what is exactly your anxiety about without touching your OH's perspectives?.

Hi there, Generally when you put uniform on people they loose a bit of their humanity and compassion. There where other experiments of group of journalists pretending to be crazy, the where discovered by their inmates, but not by the "medical professionals". Sadly that's the way it is. I'd recommend to you Van Der Kolk "Body keeps the score". Strongly. C'mon, money and gifts are very empowering! One can write ton's about that. The ironical justice is that women are then stuck with this men, in general. They may get the money, but they are never to be as happy as a person who enjoys UPB like relationship. Not even close. No, that's because rehab only deals with chemical dependency. Psychological dependency is still there. And sadly many people are just not interested in that. You are just lazy, you are just bum. People just don't or can't care. Being emotionally honest and kind to other people means you should be those things to yourself. Now do you think that this "Laaaaaaadies" woman really loves her self? Did she spent time soul searching or does she try to bury it under the high of instant gratification? I think, it's the problem exacerbated by many other factors. Our society is producing this people like if it was it's purpose. Abused people, entitled people, and now rehabs can produce abused-entitled people. Every level of education is filled with bulling and abuse. Every day it adds up. I could go on and on by listing changes: Personal bedrooms, better staff, a library, voluntary physical activities, bounding activities, classes about how to resolve conflicts peacefully and mediation for preventing conflicts. That seems like something basic. Of course inspections to those places should be as regular as breakfast, dinner and supper. It nice to hear that you are better now, I bet it was hard to deal with that for 5 weeks.

Dylan is right. Apathy is problem that can be present on different levels. What you it is important, although take a not that psyche is more labile, so don't go cold turkey, unless you want to fail quickly and become more apathetic. I like general idea of buletproof diet, but I don't like coffee or tea, or anything else. That' being said I have something alongside bulletproof diet/paleo. I fast once every two weeks. The other thing is that psychologically there could be a greet case for apathy. I bet you have passed through public, or even private, school system where every spark of your intelligence was choked. Probably your initiative was being destroyed methodically since you where little. So you leave by the path drawn to you by others and you don't know why. I mean, you directly ask to be led somewhere. I don't think there is anything bad about that, still. Read Parent Effectiveness Training book. Compare it to your life. Do few test they have in the book. If in general adults around you have not behaved like described in the book, probably apathy is deep in your rearing. I am talking from my own experience of course, but I think this book could be a good evaluation, unless you have a high adverse childhood score. Then sure it's in your childhood, but if your childhood is "mellow" you will know what exactly failed.

I think your best bet is Parent effectiveness Training book. I think this is an essential book for understanding what is really important to teach a kid. Instead of giving him a fish(a truth) give him beautiful tools of self-introspection and self-awareness it will help him get the truth by himself(teach him how to fish). There is nothing to her actions than desire to assert her narcissistic ideal of her self: Imagine her horror if her son will reject her as mother and will accept YOU as such instead. This is going to DESTROY her. This is so brutal for such narcissistic types. Mothers have an effect on their sons similar to Ericson's hypnosis. 'Member the kid selling you out(or her inventing that)? Mother has a profound effect on him and kid will not be an angel. But, the only way to help him is to show no manipulation at all(Parent effectiveness Training is the key in that and understanding what it means). When kid sees the difference, let him choose.

Give your stepson liberty and he will respect you. This is important. As far as I get it you have to tolerate this woman every other week or so. She is incredibly possessive and narcissistic. My bet is that she hopped that your fiance would suffer with her and seeing him with a good woman(from how you treat your step son) is breaking her world. Talk with your fiance, you need to find a way to defend your self from his ex. She is not something that you **need** to deal with anyway. Time to set your boundaries, not your fiance's, not your stepson's, yours. P.S. My condolences about your miscarriage. Hope you stay in good health.

Finally the attention Stefan deserves.

Thanks!