Copper_Heart

First and foremost, cheating is a breach of trust, by the definition of the word cheating and implied type of relationship. This type of relationship, which is intimate and monogamous, implies set of boundaries that are taken by each party and honored. Saying that it "has nothing to do with him" is contrary to the fact that they were in relationship. Second, he is free to break the relationship any time he wants, by any reason he dims worthy. Even if first paragraph was not true, if current dynamic of relationship is hurting him it would be reasonable to stop it all together or at least declare his needs. Declaring ones needs is a natural and healthy things to do, protecting them even more so. Which leads me to the conclusion. The author's primary reason to write this article is not to explain why "cheating" has nothing to do with him, but to find an excuse to stay in the relationship that is clearly not satisfying to him. The only reason why one would stay in that relationship is because of very strong attachment(not bound) and fear of not being worthy of any better relationship. Low self esteem that ultimately provokes loss aversion.

I doubt that if Stefan has a "such disdain" about single mothers if he did he would not host a self-knowledge talk show. You on other hand have a strangely grim desire to rub it into a person who already agreed with you, judge an in divide by statistics and reproach her for every sin she had or had not committed. Single motherhood will not be solved by pouring boiled oil onto peoples heads. There is nothing "reasonable" about your attitude, if not fervently religious. Reasonable would be try to understand why she did that, how to prevent that in the future and how to alleviate damage that was done for the children. At some point bashing has to stop. What about you? Why do you have such a strong emotion?

In this case it was an effective counter measure, but you need know more about a person to know why she or he is smoking. It's also important to say that in case of my aunt ostracism by family members never worked, it had to be an outsider.

My aunt, about the same age, had smoked for most of her life. About 30 years of smoking. All family tried to pressure her and it never worked. Few month ago she completely stopped smoking. Without ever, EVER relapsing. Usually it was about one weak for her. Want to know why? She started smoking, because it was hype. She was young professional and gentlemen were asking: Does lady smoke? But of course she does. It was tool for socialization, status, prestige. She smoked ever since. This summer and she was smoking on the beach when an some man playing with his kids told her: you do not care about your kids? Fine, but I want let you poison mine. Stop smoking or get out from here. This experience was very contrary to what she experienced prior, at the dawn of her habit. Note, that it is very important that she was smoking at the moment and expected to "be cool", while she suddenly has become a "pariah". Strong disconfirming knowledge while directly experiencing the old one. She is totally clean. I can vouch for that. If you interested why it worked out, read about memory reconsolidation. Good luck.

mellomama, I think this not an authour of UEB. Glad for you that therapy helped you!

I hope she does not fall into denial. I am glad there people out there like you who really forth coming. I want to give my perspective on what is happening in her head even though it is may be nothing new to you at this point. What is she witnessing right now it is something similar to death of her husband, except worse. That fate that is forthcoming for him is actually worth then death, because from that point he is an outcast without redemption of greatest degree and a lot of people actually want him dead. But in her mind there still lives image of her husband, I do not know what this image was, but it definitely was not that. Empathy for him is still alive in her brain, just moment ago he was just a normal human being. Now she is torn apart by the reality and the images past, back when everything was "normal" and simple. From he point of view, and I am just describing possible thought process: - Her husband is suffering fate worth then death. - She was married to sex offender, possibly a pedophile. I find the juxtaposition of his to identities in her mind to be extremely important. And of course: - The implications are huge for her and her children. This is not a thing one wants to tell, but it is one every one around her will find crucial. Of course she wants back. Would be strange if she would not. Right now she need to start a grieving process as peaceful as such case allows for it and surrounded with support, which she gladly is. She, I am afraid, will be dragged through this without a chance to recover. I hope this is of any use. I think almost can not be rational about this considering the shock. Please take good care of your self and your friend. I am atheist, but god bless you.

Polygraph is hoax. It means absolutely nothing that he have passed it. Your poor friend has a history with bad men. I would recommend this people http://coherencetherapy.org/contact.htm. There therapy is based on modern reaserch and appears to be exceptionally effective. In case of IFS they themselves seam to admit that it is effective, but I expect coherence therapy be more advanced. Just in case she does not have counselor already. Best wishes.

Add me to!

This is a more of a logical exercise then anything else, but even though, most of it is based on scientific accounts from well respected scientists and scientific work. There are some cultures, especially with strong family support that can be extremely effective in preventing trauma from setting in. In this cases joint pain and muscle ache usually happen after the event are main symptoms. This is explained by physical effort, secretion of cortisol and following relaxation. In more lonely and isolated environment those symptoms, though, usually present itself but are ignored because catharsis never comes. Western big-city culture, does not provide a person with same support and sense of safety that a big family in Sicily could. Sicily arguably most psychologically healthy region of the west, or at least with least suicides per capita. My interpretation of this in accordance to latest "memory reconsolidation" research, is that, traumatic experiences are immediately disconfirmed by wide tangible support-net and never go so far as to take root. Further more, it is easier to develop healthy tolerance(hypothalamus) to stress. From this POV it becomes obvious that Western life style, where a person lives absolutely alone/without meaningful connections/in abusive environment never receives catharsis and trauma is entrenched in psyche. Healthy tolerance to any type of stress is almost impossible in this case. Your thoughts? P.S. I am going to buy book called "The Body Keeps Score Transformation Trauma" in order to advance in my self-therapy. I am currently stuck in the middle of IFS, because of incurring depression and mental blocks an searching different outlet for self-therapy. Any suggestions are welcome. P.P.S. I defooed my extended family for period of this holidays, because of several conflicts. I feel extremely lonely. This is probably not a place to write about it, but I am not sure this where else to put it. P.P.P.S. Yes, I am going to get counseling. From a good psychologist. I hope.

http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/philosopherszone/new-family-values/6437058 It is just so tiring. Who will read this article? Obviously people who have no idea about what science and philosophy says on the matter.

Perdón, por no responder. Un momento turbulento. Con las elecciones creo que me voy llevar... un disgusto. No se por cierto si estas en reddit, que hay un foro de anarco-capitalistas? Si quieres, conocer mas gente estarás bien venida ahí. Eso sí, somos pocos.

Hola, Verónica Vivo en España también per no en Madrid, pero siempre está el chat. Como llegaste ha este lugar por cierto? Yo creo que somos muy pocos los españoles por aquí. Saludos, Copper. P.S. Just saying hi and staff.

I am sorry I have not answered, I was expecting to receive a notification. Not accustomed to how this plays works, so far. Every thing you told me was extremely useful and interesting. I am very grateful for your replying. I used this knowledge in my self therapy and gave me an outright result. Great insight really. Theres is this therm in neurophysiology called "memory reconsolidation". It is names a process by which all deep psychological changes happen. I think it can be useful in order to change your "breaking habit". What it says is that to change some emotional learning you need to find it's rasón d'etre and then find a disconfirming knowledge. Actually I also am prone to breaking things, but because I am very hard to anger I have done it only once in my life: I made a mess out of the house some body even called police.

Thank you guys very much, it was an extremely fuzzy search!

Hi, I was listening to some podcasts not so long ago and Stefan mentioned the he had an interview about self-therapy with some doctor, but I do not remember in which podcasts he mentioned it and cant find the interview either. If somebody knows what I know about I will be grateful if your point me to the podcast. Thanks in advance.

Thank you all for your responses. Yeah, this is exactly what happened to me. I was eager my self to erase my own needs. It was painful loneliness at the time, so much that I dreaded to be alone. To the point tears. Every one were having jolly good time outside: drinking, partying, dancing. Though I did not liked any of those things it was hard to find any other company I complied. Nothing would be missing if I just erased all this years. Other thing. Up to my 20s I felt always like child amongst "big people". I think I am very underdeveloped emotionally. I am afraid that deep inside I am trying to substitute my parents. sPain. I AM NOT RACIST, HALF OF MY FRIENDS ARE KETTLES! lol. I also love to substitute "things" with "sing", "where" with "were". I need to work on my grammar, but whining takes to much energy. XD --- I will try to find friends on this boards, I have no Idea how, but it is best place to start.

I actually have no friends except from far away and I rarely talk with them and not sure if to call them acquittance... Twice a week I chat with my peers from university and once a week I visit my extended family. In total may be 4 to 6 hours of unsatisfactory human talking a week. I also have problems with procrastination and I though may be it is has something to do with me being lonely. I have changed schools about 10-11 times(never expelled). Plus I switched to new university this year. I do not really like people from my university either. Mostly this people like LoL, or Anime, or Futbol. Obviously I am the cattle in this case calling a pot black. But still, I am not sure how to make actual friends. So, any advice? P.S. I lost all my friend from the other university... I actually want to call Stef and ask his opinion on that, but I think I need to prepare a bit more.

No, she was local. No, look I agree on all points. If you know that an assassin is out to kill you and he is in a sheep's closing you pretty much get us far from ship as possible. Same way you do not look for which muslim is ok. I just wanted to point out, that lowest common denominator in this case is welfare. I just doubt that any thing good will ever come to welfare no matter the belief system. An I am really sorry to see Germany and Sweden in the state that they currently are. My point is, I know what you are saying is all true, but how you are going to repair it? My best bet is ending welfare in general, but I am afraid that germanic race is lost. And I am not even german.

Yeah, I have messed up this message. I have rewrited it several. What I wanted to communicate is that: I do not know if porn is a crime or immoral toward the actress and I never have asked myself this question. I do know that it has negative impact on me as a person and my relationship to it is not dissimilar to relationship that alcoholic has with a bottle. I want to end it. That obviously is far different from what i have previously written, but that is what I meant. Sorry for messing it up. He probably meant "not irregardless". /s

There was woman crying. Every one was kind of ignoring her. A Muslim guy in his 50, wearing a turban. He said: Now, I am almost sure, he was not on welfare. There are good muslims, but I doubt any of them come to Europe. Europe gave the lowest incentive to come here, so only the lowest people come. There was a clip on Somalian who left UK because he is a businessman and he ain't gonna deal with your Wester bureaucracy. Now he is herding camels in Somalia. Happily. Europe has become a hell hole and every hell spawn is attracted to it. It is not like Merkel says "Only noblest of the souls are allowed to enter". She only invites losers.

Hi, It is actually quite sad if you think about what really is happening when you or smb watch porn. This is hard topic to talk about, a lot of people just do not understand you when you bring it up. The idea is actually is more far reaching then porn. I am on this path, too, and I desire you best of luck. Your worst enemy will be boredom. To all people who ask why we view it as bad, I do not have the answer, but at the emotional level it is ... get off while looking at other people screwing? It probably also has to do with my current life position. I do not see it as a crime against the women on the screen. I see it as a crime against myself. It is like staying home alone late at night watching comedy while everybody is getting out to have fun with their friends.

Wow. This is just amazing. It never ends to amaze me how coherent everything really is when you start digging. You mentioned chest pain. I also have it. It never goes away even at moments when I am happy or act happy. For me it is happiness and desire to cry. How is it for you? I also have strong sensation in middle of my palms, I later read in books that it means fear -- get a stone or climb the tree, probably. Actually when a doctor asked me where it hearts, pain became kind of foggy and I never could have point to it's position, except in most general terms. One question you said your Sherlock was locked in a runed cage, was the cage locking Sherlock or chaos or both of them? You said "I am completely stoic and so calm that, according to friends and family, that's when it gets really scary." Can you explain a bit? Like you are scarred inside or people around you or the situation? Here I am not sure, who represents what? Cat's are usually fierce animals and Chaos seams more like a psychological portrait of fear. It also seams so because Chaos is holding Sherlock and so does the cage. What is Chaos made of? So if the cage represents your will power -- I assume it does -- then runes represent reason, because they are letters? Can you read them? I know it may be all very personal, so you obviously do not have to answer. I am probably more exited then I should be...

Hi, First and foremost, I am truly sorry for what happened to you. I also wont to give you my respects for incredible sight you have, because, unlike many, you got somewhere really important. I would have few questions for you, of a practical nature, if you do not mind. How have you came to contact with Chaos and Sherlock? Was it sort of going deep in some trance like state? Some what between sleep and meditation? And second, what books, having all that perspective, would you recommend?

Have you read The Origins of War in Child Abuse? It seams to have few ideas that you are expressing here. As far as I know Jews, at least my acquaintances, are some what scarred. "Experience" that you described seams to propagate itself pretty well. I do not know any one in my life who, at least openly, was hating jews, but anti-jewish and anti-israeli sentiment can be seen on the web. Hilariously enough some of that was allegedly caused by jews themselves; for example Ben Garrison was portreyed like a nazi - he is a libertarian - by a 19 old jewish guy. https://thenib.com/the-internet-s-most-trolled-cartoonist-91a92d9b7585#.g2cx7zyaa Very complex topic of course. This genes are trying to preserve themselves, seams.

I think Steff had talked about this in some podcasts. The core of his argument can be exposed by this: Jews are hiding in N's basement. N lies in order to save them. Is N not virtuos because of that? Telling truth or lieing is not a moral thing in itself. Power hungry people want to make it into a moral action because then is easier to control people this way. The real question is: "Is it worth to prend I am some one who I am not in this case?". Union is a sufocating entity that is not apresiating the core of who you are as a person, but it could have been worth it if your family is in dare need. There are organization that actually try fight unions. Maybe one of those could help you fight against this mafia? I think he died protecting freedom, truth was more of a method. It is very complicated topic and I probably do not make much sense, but those are my 5 cents.