Thus_Spake_the_Nightspirit

I'm working on developing a secular, Trivium based curriculum, but it's nowhere near ready. However, the resource I've liked best of the ones I've used so far is "The Trivium: The Liberal Arts of Logic, Grammar, and Rhetoric" by Sister Miriam Joseph.

http://www.newenglishreview.org/Nicolai_Sennels/Muslims_and_Westerners%3A__The_Psychological_Differences/ Thoughts?

I don't know of any studies on this. It would be a hard thing to research. It's not simply a matter of surveying people and asking if they chose to have fewer kids because of immigration. There are people who want kids, but can't afford them because the cost of living is rising and the taxes they pay are rising (both effects of immigration). There are people who put off having kids because they're waiting for a better foothold in life and then find out they can't have any. There will be people who say their country is shit thanks to immigration so there is no point bringing another life into the picture. There are people who become convinced that they don't want kids because they would rather live in sacrifice to the immigrants and their kids. Logically, though, it makes some sense that the more immigrants there are into a welfare state, the fewer native born children there will be. You can't support your own family if you are working to feed everyone else's.

A therapist I know (who is also an FDR fan, so coming from a like-minded perspective), has a blog post about choosing a good therapist, which you might find useful: https://philosophicaltherapist.com/2016/06/03/five-things-to-consider-when-choosing-a-therapist/

I am sick to death of all the homework schools send home. The boy I look after is only 12 and gets anywhere from 2-3 hours of homework a night, all due the next day. Most of it is a huge waste of time. He's in such a rush to get it done in time that he's not actually learning anything from doing it. He's been suffering a lot of stress, anxiety, and depression related to his homework load and there is no time left over to teach him anything that he is actually interested in.

This whole situation sounds very strange to me. Why are you talking so much about her personal life? Aren't you paying her to talk about your problems? Is she unable to enforce professional boundaries with you that she allows you to discuss something as personal as her reproductive choices? Sessions running between two and three hours seems an excessively long time. I have heard of the occasional two hour session, but rarely as a regular occurrence. I have never heard of three hours. If she is not working as a therapist, why has she agreed to make an exception for you? Why do you feel so emotionally bonded to her after such a short time? I think this sounds like a very odd patient-therapist relationship and not a relationship you should continue. I also agree with the comment that you are supporting a single mother with your money by giving her your business and if you are really morally opposed to single motherhood, you should reconsider where you spend your money.

Non-Europeans don't really have a tradition resembling anything like actual philosophy. Their philosophies are usually just aphorisms. They don't use syllogistic logic or make any attempt at being morally consistent. The reason non-Western philosophy isn't widely taught in universities is because it's not intellectually rigorous in any way. Hardly surprising that non-Europeans aren't interested in philosophy.

I have all my friends filtered into different lists depending on their capacity to handle things that they disagree with. Only the best and smartest ones get to see my most controversial post. Over half of them only see my cat photos.

Thanks, everyone, for your replies. ----------------------------- "Just answer this question, if you have "fuck you money", as in so much money you could retire and do anything you want, what would that be?" Probably just go be a hermit somewhere. Or save/invest it. Or give it away to someone who needs it more than I do. I have no idea, really. I can't imagine I'd do anything really fun or meaningful or exciting with it. Self-knowledge is what you're looking for. It will help you to understand what you feel and why and be honest about where you came from and how. Which empowers you to start making the changes, breaking free of manipulation and narrative, etc. Just know that it's not a quick fix by any means. Yes, I've been working on that for a while, but I'm not really getting anywhere on this particular question. Try and many different things as you can possibly think of until you find something that really resonates with you. This might take awhile to discover. Think outside of the box about things you can try doing. Don't limit yourself to things you have done before or show a natural aptitude for. I have done this. I have tried so many different hobbies and activities over the years and nothing really resonates strongly with me. I've also tried many different jobs. My CV is a complete mess of hopping from one unrelated job to another. With hobbies, when I find something that seems like fun, I burn out on it in about 6 months or so and it suddenly seems like a drag. With jobs, I might stay at a job for maybe 3 or 4 years, max, usually much less, and then I move on to doing something I've never done before, rinse and repeat as I get bored of whatever it is I'm currently doing. Learn to "Just say no" when people ask you to do things. It's not your job to save people or their businesses, etc. It's your job to be the best you that you can be, and if that works for others, great. If not, their problem is not your problem. I'm getting better at this, but it's less an issue of not being able to say no and more an issue of, "Oh, this person has a cool idea and I have no ideas of my own, so I will just latch on to what they are doing and try to like it, too." Bonus points if I'm doing it because I want to be liked by the other person. There is very little that I've put any effort into that was my own idea made with my own interests in mind. Depression comes from a number of different sources, but it sounds to me like you feel like you're wasting your life. It that's how you're feeling, you probably are. Pick something, pick anything that sounds the slightest bit interesting and do it. Don't commit to doing it for longer than a month. After a month, evaluate whether it truly bring you joy, or if it's just another learning experience. Move on quickly Yup, this is why I've been constantly hopping from one thing to the next over the last decade. I feel like it is getting too late in my life now for me to still be trying to figure this out. A lot of opportunities are probably already lost to me and I'm worried I will miss the boat on the ones that still remain. I'm guilty of having similar issues, however, my insight is that there isn't a hidden desire or passion that you are unaware of. You just don't have it in you in the first place. The candle isn't lit to begin with, so you're not going to find the fire that way. You would have to focus on becoming enkindled first, and the rest of the details of what to do will come by themselves. So how does one light that fire in themselves if it's not already there? I pretty much agree with this and it has been my experience. My therapist started out by asking what gives me joy. This was nearly impossible for me to answer, and everything I came up with seemed ridiculous coming out of my mouth. I also have this problem. I can't think of any good answer to that question. Except that you're not at convincing yourself, because you're asking the question. I convince myself in the moment, usually because I'm just so eager to have some project or activity to latch onto, but then later I realise I don't really enjoy it at all. Initially, I'll convince myself that I do. I don't think there is a way to have purpose, because then you would not have freewill. What you can have is Worth and the only way you can have Worth is to know other people through friendship. You can have Value to Evil people or people with no ethics, but you can't have Worth to them. I don't think everyone needs to have Worth to other people, but being social animals means that for no-one to have worth to you and visa versa leaves only a will to consume and an empty/lonely feeling, unless of course someone is a sociopath and just doesn't care That's an interesting way of putting it. I don't have many meaningful relationships in my life. The ones I do have seem impermanent at best. I think I usually do substitute value for worth, just because that sort of transactional exchange is a lot easier than making real friends (and seems to be the only kind of relationship most people are interested in, anyway), so going along with what they want and being excited about it seems like a good way to be accepted by them and enhance my value to them. But you're correct that it does leave an empty feeling in its wake. What was it like working abroad? It was interesting. I did a lot of different things and had a lot of unique experiences. It was also very stressful and lonely. I did not like being away from home so much of the time and the person I worked for was not very nice to me. I don't think I would want to do it again, even under better circumstances.

Yes, I know, but don't you have to write and ask for your status to be updated? I've donated and did not get a badge, but I can't be stuffed to bother someone about doing it manually for me.

I have traveled extensively for short term work assignments, holidays, and living abroad. I'm on my third expat experience, currently. While I enjoy travel to some degree, it's not something I really love, nor is it feasible for me to continue my globe trotting days anymore. I agree that it does give one perspective, though, and I have definitely learned a lot from it.

How do you know if someone has donated? Just because someone doesn't have a badge doesn't mean they don't donate.

How do you figure out what you're passionate about? How do you know what your purpose is in life? Long story, short: I'm a people pleaser and I'm really good at convincing myself that what others want me to do is what I want to do. Inevitably, I end up burned out and feeling resentful or used. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Nothing sounds appealing or exciting. If I don't have someone else's passions or projects to latch onto, I just end up drifting and feeling depressed, which is where I'm at currently. Has anyone else ever had this problem and overcome it? How did you do it?

Usually these things come across as "creepy" because whatever it is the person is saying is crossing some kind of boundary. I don't think it has anything to do with mate-worthiness as such. I'm not comfortable with men I don't know making comments about my physical appearance, for example, but if my partner or a close male friend or my brother said the same thing, it wouldn't be creepy because they know me well and have earned a certain level of intimacy with me that permits them to speak more freely and I don't have to worry about their motives. And any stranger who makes creepy comments from the get-go will never be "mate worthy" in my book.

Yes,only private hospitals in America at this stage (though some do get government funds, particularly research or teaching hospitals). The best hospitals draw patients from all over the country and the world. You're right that there is an incentive for public hospitals to use all of their funds. For example, my husband's department is going to let him hire a new assistant because if they don't, they'll be told they didn't actually need all the money they were allocated and will get less next year. Private hospitals would never recoup the cost of all that high tech equipment. Public hospitals don't either, but it doesn't matter since they don't have to function like a profitable business.

I can only answer the first post of your post about the public vs private hospitals... My husband works at one of these premier public hospitals in Melbourne and he says the reason they have these state of the art facilities is because of taxpayer money, essentially. There are only two trauma hospitals in Victoria, both public. Private hospitals don't have trauma centers because they simply can't compete against the public hospitals. Facilities for treating these patients are expensive and the hospital would never recoup the cost of the equipment, for one. Public hospitals don't have to worry about these costs. They get tax dollars, grants, etc. They are guaranteed a steady stream of patients. They don't have to worry about making a profit. Fact is, they're often operating in the red and employees aren't paid anywhere near private sector wages, but they prioritise spending on state of the art technology. I mean, Royal Melbourne now has a robotics surgery theatre, ffs. Private hospitals do have to worry about costs and profits and running a sustainable business model. Sure, they get grants, but they're not able to do any research. They can't afford it. On the flip side, private hospitals in the US do run trauma centres, conduct research, or teach. And they do a far better job in being global leaders than any Australian hospital. Mayo Clinic and Johns Hopkins, for example, are world renowned. But they don't have to compete against taxpayer funded hospitals, so they can do this. And having been a patient at both Mayo and Royal Melbourne, let me just say, I wouldn't send my worst enemy to get treatment at Royal Melbourne. You get what you pay for...

Welcome, Igor. I'm also an expat living in Melbourne. Sorry to hear about your unsuccessful pig hunting!

Chicago area leftists are extremely well funded and well organised. This is hardly surprising, given that their sole reason for existing is to shut down free speech for anyone they disagree with. Apparently they are also blocking access to emergency rooms to prevent people from getting treatment for their injuries.

Vahleeb, can you tell me who turned you onto Freedomain Radio and what was it about it that resonated with you enough to stay with it? Same friend! The information in the podcasts was not particularly new for me or anything- I've always been pretty "switched on", but I didn't know about podcasts and my friend is addicted to podcasts of all kinds. He suggested a few that he likes that he thought I might also like and FDR was included on the short list. Initially I listened only to the ones he would talk about so that I could be up to speed with the conversation, but now I just listen to the ones that look interesting to me. I do like Stef's approach to various topics, which is a bit different to other people's, and I usually finish listening to one of his podcasts with plenty to think about. Troubador, He's pouring poison down your ear about your husband to make him appear better by comparison. He's pouring poison in your ear about yourself to wreck your self esteem and to make it appear like you couldn't do any better than him. Is he? See, this is what I find so confusing because I think for most people, that would be their motivation for doing something like that. But I think there is also a possibility that he does genuinely care about me and other interactions I have with him support his claim that he does. In a lot of ways, he has been a very good friend and very helpful to me. He does seem genuinely concerned about my self esteem and happiness, but I do feel like his perception of my husband may be a bit biased. For example, he is convinced my husband can never change, that he is too old, too damaged, not interested in fixing himself, and too dishonest and delusional to see that he needs fixing. When I tell him ways that my husband is making an effort and showing improvement, he dismisses it and says he is just faking it, that he's lied to me before so why would I believe him now. Each one is insisting that he himself is a good person and the other one is just out to use me/hurt me/exploit me/etc and I don't know who or what to believe. I have, unfortunately, made some very bad decisions in the past in regards to the kind of people I've allowed into my life, believing them to be good people when they were really horrible, and both of them keep throwing that in my face as evidence for why my judgment of the other person's character can't be trusted. In my view, they both have a lot of positive qualities and some flaws, but then I think maybe they are right that I am terrible judge of character and that I cannot actually know who is or is not a good person. So I feel very confused and conflicted. However do you think through therapy you and your husband can reach a good level of trust? It sounds from what you said you have both been willing to put in some work? I think we could get there eventually. We both have a lot of issues with trust in general that will need some work, but I don't personally think the situation is hopeless. However, we have mutually agreed to stop seeing the marriage therapist because we think he is doing more harm than good, but we will try to find another. Would your husband be willing to let you take the lead on the family finances? If he was it would show he very much trusted you which would be a good sign. We tried this a few years ago and he was willing to let me be in charge, but it presented some problems because he is the main breadwinner and his pay goes into his account where he often spends it without thinking about it or checking with me. So I would do a budget and be really careful only to find that he wasn't sticking to it. This resulted in him telling a few more lies in regards to spending. He would make a dumb purchase, feel ashamed, then try to hide it, and inevitably I would find out about it and then be more angry about the lie than the fact that he had made some impulse purchase. My husband has a big problem with forward planning and as a result is really bad with money (among other things). I think he feel really embarrassed by this, especially when he gets called up on it by me, so he feels compelled to hide it. So clearly he doesn't trust me enough or he'd just be honest about it. In all fairness to him, though, he has not told any more lies in well over a year and a half. Also is your husband getting any therapy outside the couples stuff you do together? He would like to, but he will only speak to a male therapist and we've had trouble finding any that aren't fully booked, so we're still looking.

He is single, straight, and says under different circumstances, he would pursue a relationship with me. However, he stated referring to my husband as being dishonest and unworthy of having kids before showing a more than platonic interest in me. He also tells me he thinks I'd probably be a bad wife and mother. So I'm understandably confused at what he's trying to do.

Ah, sorry! The friend is a man.

Vahleeb, thank you for your thoughtful reply. I don't know how old you are (your profile didn't help) but I can only assume that if you went through the traditional steps (marriage first and then thinking of children) that the threshold that you have subconsciously set for yourself for having a child might not be that far into the future. I'm 31 and my husband is significantly older than I am, so we are definitely hearing the biological clock getting louder. We've been married 3.5 years and we did get married with the full intent of having children. We have put it off repeatedly for a variety of different reasons (health problems, family issues, etc) and now this. We're starting to face the very real risk of never being able to have them if we wait much longer. The reason it disturbs me is that it conveys to me the message that you have not yet looked at the situation through the eyes of your child. Because the real question about this situation that you should be asking is "should I expose my child in his or her formative years to this man whom even now I can refer to as dishonest ?". I have definitely thought about the child. I don't know if my husband has thought about the child as much as I have, but he does think he would be a good father. I personally think he would be an acceptable father and possible even a good one. I don't necessarily refer to him now as dishonest- those are my friend's words. I agree that he was dishonest in the past. I don't believe he is dishonest presently or has any desire to be dishonest in the future. He is definitely lacking in self-knowledge in a lot of ways, but he is trying to do better. But my friend's attitude is, once a liar, always a liar; that he should not be "rewarded" with children because he "won" me with lies. it means that there is a way past your defences that you haven't yet realised and that is actually why you are still having trouble with the whole situation. A very good point. I've always been extremely gullible and susceptible to liars. but the way that you haven't explored and that I think you should probably try and explore with a close friend or a therapist is to ask yourself what happened and what were the choices that put you here in the first place. I'm working on that, but my only friend is the friend who hates my husband and claims he is dishonest and my therapist isn't very good, so I'm sort of working through it in isolation. I do have some understanding of how I ended up where I am, but it hasn't given me any clarity on this particular issue. The correct approach to the situation is that you are making a human being and you are one of their parents. Just because the moment of conception hasn't yet happened, it doesn't mean your parenting duties haven't started. They start, the second you decide you want to have children. I couldn't agree more

I never thought of doing it until just now when I saw your topic. My parents have since moved out of the house I grew up in and having lived so far away from them for so long, it's been at least 10 years since I have been there. Most of the town looks much the same, except my original house is now obscured from view by a large tree (it wasn't so big when I lived there). I hadn't considered it in terms of processing old trauma, though, but then again, my mother tells me the house has changed owners twice since they moved and it no longer looks like the house I grew up in. I'm not sure how comfortable I'd feel looking at the house if it were the way I remember it being.

I did get some clarity today on why my husband keeps things secret and it doesn't seem to be willful secretiveness, as such, as much as it is that they are all things that are painful for him to think about, so he just doesn't think about them and therefore it doesn't occur to him to tell me. He did apologise and said he'd try to be more forthcoming, but that he doesn't know what I might want to know without some sort of specific question or conversation to trigger him into thinking about it. If he is making a genuine effort to be more honest and open and isn't currently telling me outright falsehoods anymore, is it still fair to call him a dishonest person?

If it is still a thing, I'm interested.