MysterionMuffles

Yeah pretty much. Sometimes I even get surprised or impressed by what I'm able to say. All my life, my parents never took the time to listen to me or validate any of my thoughts or feelings. To be and do that for myself has been a depressing, albeit refreshing experience to be my own parent. Sometimes I listen with judgement, sometimes I don't. It helps me empathize with myself based on the energy I had on certain entries. Like, "oooh...why was I so pissed off? Oh I get it *or* guess it wasn't that big of ad deal, but it was back then." It has a lot to do with just feeling comfortable with saying what you want in the moment, but then on a relisten, taking the time to learn where I can improve my speech patterns. What sorts of thoughts am I most strong with, and which ones do I just fall and stumble? The stumbling ones is where it's important to not self attack for not being eloquent enough. Rather be accepting that I am prone to it. See the thing is with awkward moments though, Cameron, is that everyone has them. And only your own will be the ones you notice the most unless you have contempt for the other person. I had a friend who was all sorts of awkward; he would change the subject, talk over me, and sometimes even have completely different conversations with himself IN my presence. You did not do any of those and you are galaxies ahead of that guy. Glad to read that you don't remember my stutter. I still think about it thinking, "yeah I sounded retarded, but at least Caleb completed the word for me when I was struggling to say it." Because in the flow of my consciousness, my tongue couldn't keep up with my brain. That's another thing you'll learn from audio journalling for even 10 minutes. I usually go for an hour, but even 10 minutes is sufficient enough to see if you talk too fast, too slow. When you're with the right people, you can take your time to formulate your thoughts. You're not rushed to respond or respond even well. Just being responded to is enough for most people because we all want to be heard. Let yourself be heard. Feel comfortable with being heard. Be comfortable hearing yourself! If anyone in that group call we had had a moment of awkwardness, it's already gone in the flow of time. I didn't notice any of them because I'm only conscious of my own mistakes, not others. Again, only if I have contempt for them, which I don't have for you or anyone else here on FDR.

Holy shit I can relate. That's how I felt with my first writing group 4 years ago. I didn't talk much and I was unsure if any of my critiques were valid. I always got jealous of how in depth they got about their own stories and how much they can catch in terms of corrections. Even right now I feel the urge to self censor in regards to my social expiraments the past 7 years. But basically I've been with a wide variety of people from all walks of life. Mainly pot smokers, boozehounds, but now thankfully people with straight heads on their shoulders (for the most part). I used to think my social anxiety came out of being inherently awkward with having nothing to offer, but then I realized when it came to the drugs and alcohol people, I realized what I had to offer was actually just too much depth for them. How I came to understand that paranoid part was really interesting...I didn't know other people did this, but I first began with a 2 hour audio journal. I felt so silenced and unheard even if I did speak up. I just had the urge to talk to myself out loud, no shame, no problem, and I did. To this day I continue to have walks and talks with myself while being recorded on my phone because sometimes I feel like I'm the only person who can understand me. Which is why I audio journal. I don't know if it'll work for you, but for me it has. Having done this has made me more comfortable with hearing myself speak and learning how to self correct. I do remember stuttering HORRIBLY when you, myself and a few others spoke on Skype earlier this week. I would normally be up in arms with myself about it but I understood that no one was going to judge me for it and just let me continue speaking once I got past that conversational roadblock. Sometimes other people don't even notice it or say anything and it's usually just me being my own worst critic. How I figured that was when I audio journal and mess up speaking horribly, I learned to laugh at it and take the time to breath, relax, and recuperate before reinstating what I had to say. I would like to suggest that you audio journal. NOT written because that you can take your time with to formulate your words. A raw and unfiltered audio journal seems to be a way to see what happens with your stream of consciousness in the moment. Then listening back to it you can learn to figure out where you need work. At least in my experience. Hope that helps!

It's hard to say because people outside of FDR are more likely to frame their childhoods in a way that is minimal compared to how vulnerable and open people are here.

My mom just tonight, "I didn't MEAN to make you feel abandoned when I said you should leave the house at the age of 8. Besides, maybe you're just too sensitive unlike some kids, you know? You've just been listening too much to that philosophy stuff." Yeaaaaah shecangofuckherself.

Interesting. Tell me more if you feel comfortable. I mean I experienced a devastating break up with my first ever long term girlfriend and I wasted a lot of time thinking about her. Being present isn't enough, I know, you should always learn to process why things happened. However, I DID need downtime of spacial awareness where I didn't think too much and just lived in the moment. I needed to not think before I COULD think. Eckhart Tolle himself says the point of his practice is to be devoid of thought, however to be devoid of self destructive thoughts. It's a whole different discussion to distinguish what is self destructive vs instructive on how to improve, but for the sake of this conversation. He does say that only after you let yourself experience absolute consciousness in the moment without judgements about your environment or the world, only then can your thinking be clear enough for you to really rationalize things. So yeah, what was your experience of being present? Did you always find yourself over thinking or did you actully achieve some kind of presence, but felt your ego NEED To obssess over things? Sorry if those sound like leading questions, but anyway. What was it about Ayn Rand's Anthem that really helped you?

My faith is restored in the Turtle Neck of Wisdom. I'm gonna guess he's against spanking too since it's very conrguent with what's already saying here.

Awesome. Thank you very much!

I've read Real-Time Relationship a couple times already and heard a few podcasts that were great examples for how that mode of communication works, and someone on here has told me RTR is just an adaptation of Non Violent Communication. I was wondering if there were any fundamental differences between RTR and NVC because after reading up on how NVC works, they seem to work similarly.

hmm that does sound plausible too. Faking the fact that it hurts them by piling on more egotistical defenses. I sure as hell felt it within myself. I wanted to act like his judgements didn't hurt me, but obviously they did if I was willing to make blatant sexual jokes about his mother.

wow sorry to read about your experience kalmia. If you didn't give this agency a name I would have thought you were talking about the mob. Sorry for the downvote on your original post, that was indeed me. Now I understand why you came in full throttle. Now I understand where you're coming from. It was just terms like saviour and faith and such triggered something in me, despite of how well reasoned your arguments were.

I think Kevin's descriptions have 'em down pat

thanks for the support dudes! Now that this is dealt with, anybody want to compile a list of "you know you're being trolled when..." ???

what did you learn Asheli?

I think it's pretty obvious, but really easy to forget that the best way to deal with a troll is to NOT deal with them. Don't give them attention. Don't let them get a rise out of you. I'm curious if my Keyboard Warrior Theory has anything to do with my own susceptibility to sometimes think it's productive to talk back at someone who is clearly poisoning the well. However I am curious: is there a distinct difference between someone who's just ill informed and someone who intentionally just wants to disturb the peace? Obvious signs are making personal attacks and insults, as well as avoiding answering any questions directly. I'm pretty sure there are more traits that I would like for you to help me out with this list to better shield myself. Yesterday, I fell victim to a troll in the FDR chatroom. I take full ownership for having provoked him. His name was Jordon and he was only here for less than a week, but I'm pretty sure some of you already know that he was just full of female and sexist hatred and a ton of rude comments--for the most part. It turns out he is also Noah and Damon, each account being banned for simply douching up the chatroom. As Noah he related every possible topic to being a manipulation on sexuality, as Damon he promoted the use of violence against women, and as Jordon this week, played the role of a supposed Alpha male telling all us males in the chatroom, that we're all desperate losers who need to get laid simply because we were talking about dating in generalities. Lians suggested that I stop engaging and take a look at why he triggered me so much, and without sharing the full details here, I did introspect and found out which of his snarky comments really did bother me enough to start talking shit to Jordon. It pretty much lead to him finding my Youtube channel on my profile and then finding out my real name and then attemped to spook me out by pulling up pictures of my goddamn TWO YEAR OLD NIECE and posting them in the chat. Then he would follow by making rude, disgusting sexual comments about her I can't even bring myself to repeat here. Just totally vile. He even started posting my family members profiles in the chatroom and threatening to ruin my brother's company. In the moment of it all happening, I was spooked out. I thought he hacked me and was somehow able to fetch restricted content from my Facebook page. But as it turns out, Facebook just doesn't automatically restrict a few things on mobile uploads, and I had set my friends list to be viewable to the public. After taking the common suggestion from Lians and a lot of other people within the chatroom, I stopped responding in fear of Jordon pulling up my Facebook info and changed the subject to talk to others. Eventually he stopped posting my pictures and family's profiles and just left. It's kinda weird that a lot of people did report him which got his account banned, but he was still able to participate in the chat. I guess that's a small loophole to the programming that they wouldn't somehow immediately be kicked out unless a mod came into the room. Anyways, I took the time to relax about it and realized that this troll Jordon was pretty much harmless. So he found my Facebook page? He said he downloaded all my info and threatened to send hate about me to my family, but I believe that would require him using his Facebook account to pretty much out his identity (whether real or contrived). Furthermore, before doing the Facebook threats he threatened to send a SWAT team to my house so that was clear indication that his grandiose threats held no merit. Plus if he WAS a real threat, he would've been able to pull up stuff from Facebook that was actually set to resrtricted, or worse, actually hack my computer directly. All in all, Jordon, Damon, Noah and whatever future usernames he plans to use to somehow keep coming back to waste his time here--is clearly a sad sad man with very little value. To think someone, FOR MONTHS, can keep threatening to return under new usernames to shake shit up and actually do it is quite pitiful. And to some degree even more pitiful is my susceptibility to engage with his crap. WELL I've learned my lesson. There's an ignore function for a reason and I apologize profusely for not using it when it comes to destructive people in the chatroom. I promise to work better at spotting trolls earlier on and choose not to stoke the fires with the rudeness they expect. I figured that people like him are so used to such scrutiny and maltreatment that they basically invite attack because it's the only way they can feel alive. A whole chatroom was against him and arguing with him and thats the only time he actually responded consistently. Otherwise, any time he'd chime in with a rude comment about how simple minded women are or anything else that was sexist, people would just continue the conversation like he wasn't there and it would take him a while to try to find another way to disript the conversation. Two and a half simple words to help avoid the kind of mental torture I subjugated myself to: DON'T ENGAGE!!!

Nah I'm sick and tired of online debates. It's not my place to change the minds of Keyboard Warriors. The only way to win that war is to not fight it. The best we can do is share the content that resonates with us with the people in our lives and see who is open to new ideas or at least curious. I am not prepared to get a ton of religious backlash for speaking my mind. I'm not gonna recreate my Catholic school upbringing for the sake of internet self righteousness. If you wanna give it a shot, I can't stop you. I've felt similar feelings as you corpus. I was once a pro-violence, rudeness, close my heart before I let anyone kind of douchebag for most of my life--then I processed my history. Who I am today is vastly different from who I was a decade ago and I know that feeling of "if I can change, so can others." But you got to consider the unique thought patterns that allowed you to change in the first place and what influenced you to change. In my experience, it has never been the persuasion of internet strangers. The most I've ever gotten was someone on Xboxlive bragging to me about the Brony fandom and how great My Little Pony is. That was the one and only time I considered somebody's ridiculousness online and it changed my life forever lol. However, for things as fundamental parenting practices, you already know how abusive parents are. They shut down and say "don't tell me how to raise my kid" because their defenses will rise right up after any hint of criticism. Whatever their reasons for taking down the video, unless they make another one saying that they've decided against spanking with a paddle, then to me they are brain dead. It's not that the resistance and dismissal is what is causing me to give up, rather the frustration of trying to change other people. Lord knows I'm nowhere close to completely living my values and I'd much rather focus on me for now. Maybe there are more self knowledgable people out there who CAN handle ongoing online debates and be effective because they don't get emotional from it. But I do. After a run in with a troll who comes here often under a new username, I've decided to completely stop trying to argue with online strangers.

Give up. These are brain dead Christians who are in such denial of their true anger so it comes out in passive ways in their dishonest way of speaking, and their true frustrations get unloaded on their daughter. Anybody think we should tell them about the Facts About Spanking? Or do you think they are too brain dead to consider any new information? They seem too...fake happy.

let's go on a thumbs downing spree.... and post the hell out of the Facts About Spanking on the comments section. Nah just kidding. I dunno what good that'll do. The fact that she said "let me read the scriptures that taught us--" EWW fuck off with that shit! ACTUALLY it was already bad that she talked about COMPLIMENTS given to her daughter about her well mannered behaviour instead of talking about her personal bond. TOTALLY AND UTTERLY DISGUSTING! at this moment I am okay with the fact that my internet sucks and won't let me watch further than the scriptures comment. I could already feel rage boiling within me based on how brain dead this woman was speaking. She was hot the first second I saw her then she got uglier and uglier the stupider and stupider she spoke.

omg Mele can't believe all of these have been coming from you. I see them on Facebook and save most of them. Glad to know who's generating them!

Hey I was just curious in listening to the listener conversations included at the end of RTR, but neither of the links seem to work anymore. I was wondering if they were ever released as regular or premium podcasts seperate from the media.freedomainradio.com link provided in the book?

New or old? Final Fantasy VI was pretty deep at a personal level. Huge ensemble of characters equipped with their own backstories and all. Final Fantasy IV, same thing. Tenchu 2 although the graphics suck and the gameplay is a little stiff now compared to newer games, the cut scenes are to die for. I sometimes make a point to watch the compilation of all the cut scenes they have on Youtube because the story is just that great. All the ninjas have their own goals and motivations and it's interesting to see how they all clash due to difference of opinion. I feel like it's only old school games that have really good stories but that could just be me.

interesting coincidence but not at all ironic

I do all of the above and more, but I've always had a problem with consistency. So I started to track my activities in a Well Being Checklist. You write out a chart for every week, on each day keep track on whether or not you've taken in any activities you believe help improve your well being. Then at the end of the week, tally up your score and see at what % are you really giving to yourself. Here's my list 30 Minutes of Yoga Reviewing my 10 Personal Commandments Journal (written or audio) drink 2 litres of water 500-1000 words of creative writing Floss and brush teeth 30-60 Minutes of reading 3 Meals Play guitar for 15-30 minutes Wake up between 5am-7am So far I've done them all the first 2 days, but today I woke up at 8. I'm a recovering insomniac after all. Apparently if you can physically track your well being in this way, it helps you get a better sense of how much you really do give a shit about yourself

Fuck that mother. Can't believe they can mention pow pow so casually in this exchange. He sure has some good arguing skills or at least some assertiveness. Hope he uses that well into his adult life and combats his mother's lack of reason.

Valid...POINT!!! But either way let us know how it goes.

Whatever you do, the talk must happen face to face. Refer to my tiny speech at option #4. It's honest and open, but not overbearing to the point that your feelings hang in the balance to her. I think in this case, honesty IS common sense. Just be honest with her. Don't overthink it. It's easier said than done, but when it's all said and done, you'll realize it was pretty easy. And if she's a good friend, she'll let you down easy if she's not interested. Be prepared if she doesn't feel the same way, but keep in mind that your preference is to develop a romantic relationship with her. KNOW the goal but don't be so attached to it that all your happiness is riding on it. And yeah to riff raff off what dsayers said, as long as you've done your best and are honest on your part, that's all that matters. You've gotten it off your chest. You have no control over how she reacts to it, but you have full control over how you let all these bottled up feelings out.