MysterionMuffles

Lately I've been seeing people in public kissing their kids on the lips. Not like making out, maybe a peck, but nonetheless on the lips. Does this count as molestation of any kind or is this normal to some degree? I personally find it weird because isn't the lips an erogenous zone? It's more sensitive and receptive to such a touch, so shouldn't that mutual exchange of sensation be reserved between romantic partners? Obviously kissing a child on the forehead, head, and cheek is alright, but kissing a child on the mouth seems unsettling to me. I also used to have friends who were siblings of 4 (now 3 because unfortunately one of them died of cancer )--and between opposite sexes, they would greet each other with a peck on the lips. Would this count as incest no matter how light the kiss is? Anybody have thoughts on this?

I heard Stefan say on a recent call in show, the first Saturday night one to be exact, that moving in with eachother before marriage raises the chances of divorce. I don't understand. Wouldn't living together to see if you like it be a precursor to a happier, healthier marriage?

Fuck YES, Pepin! Didn't think of it that way, wow! I'm open for criticism all the time now. I've dealt with all my life that it rolls off my back. A personal commandment for myself is to be immune to praise and criticism, but always accept feedback. Being open to it is the only way one can truly discover the truth about themselves because we all have blind spots. I think your hypothetical speech isn't all that harsh, but can easily be taken as such. Hmm...I think I should have a discussion with my acoustic partner about this. In our songs, we've written about a friend of ours that died of cancer, unrequitted love, and taking chances in life. He doesn't neccessarily have to write anything to add to my anti spanking song, lyrically, vocally, or guitar addition otherwise--but I want it to be known. This shit is important to me and his criticism means nothing unless he can offer constructive feedback to make it less "preachy." But as we've been discovering in this thread is that preachy is an unphilosophical term. Perhaps he needs to understand that this new theme of the better treatment of children--that's showing up in all my work (music AND fiction now)--is not only important to me, but also the world. It's not make or break for me, we both have songs of our own better performed and recorded solo, but I dunno. This thread has encouraged me to bring it up to him and let him know he can't just throw adjectives at me like that, and that I am actually willing to understand his viewpoint before deciding whether or not it's worth taking our musical messages a step further.

He was saying the lyrics were too preachy in general, and when I asked him which lines were considered to be too preachy, he never responded. Yeah art is MEANT to be an argument for beliefs and viewpoints of the world. Even in writing fiction they suggest not to get too preachy, wherein if you do have a deep challenging message to convey, it needs to be dressed up in a way where it doesn't talk down on the audience. It needs be shown more than told that there are principles brought forth. That is the one and only time I understand that "too preachy" sort of works, but even then. I think the people who put that as writing advice, that they themselves, want to invoke self attack if you have something worthwhile to say.

Yeah exactly, it's an appeal to insecurity. It's meant to have a negative connotation like preaching any word of wisdom is a bad thing. Then to have the word TOO in front of it is more manipulative langauge, at least that's the way I see it. "You think too much," is also just as bad as "you ask too many questions." To me that relates, "I don't think enough to give you any solid answers."

Kids are naturally philosophical. Just let them be curious and be open to answering their questions.

I have been enjoying learning from Stefan to deconstruct certain terms that are designed to invoke innate negativity or self attack. So what I feel like a good word to tackle is "preachy." In my opinion, being accused of being too preachy just means that someone had their beliefs challenged and can't argue back with anything substantial--so they just throw an adjective around. I've written lyrics about anti-spanking that you can find here on the boards: Monkeys in the Mirror and my acoustic duo partner accused me of being too preachy. I'm also in the process of writing a young adult novel that deals with child abuse, and although my character expresses moral outrage in her narrative over things that aren't about child abuse, I still get criticized as being too preachy. Perhaps I'm just taking the term too personally, but I'm starting to feel like being called preachy really is just a cop-out term for people who can't construct a valid criticism to contest my views, or cannot provide more creative ways to reword my arguments to make them less preachy sounding. What are your thoughts on the word preachy? I know Stefan's been accused of being too preachy, but again, that's just easier than making argument right?

Donators get to up or down vote posts.

damn it...I've been winning at it for years til this post.

Oh man perfect! It's already been done thanks!

When listeners call in about what they should do with their ambitions, the question of their social circle comes into play. I understand the suggestion that you should surround yourself with supportive people since you are only as successful as the people around you allow you to be. And sometimes that might require negative feedback you may not want to hear, but if we are to have real relationships with people, we need to be able with being inconvenient with each other. If that's the case, how do you discern the difference between people giving you honest and objective feedback on your life's trajectory vs. the naysayers who simply discourage you from anything you want to do with your life? I feel like this topic would make a good podcast episode so some people, like myself, can refrain from seeing it as a contradiction when Stefan sometimes says you need the discouraging out or your life, and then also saying that you need to be willing to offer negative feedback and feel allowed to be inconvenient to others in doing so.

WOW! What a powerful letter. You have said so much in it that reveals a lot. I feel like I know you already... I can understand that you've been in a relationship with a man lacking quality. A man who had a few good traits that are attractive at a surface level, but there's something about his entanglement with his own behaviour and FOO history that tarnishes the kind of man he can be. For this I am sorry. I also sense a lot of growth in you, one that is vast and confounding in comparison to who you once were. desire Thank you for openness and honesty. A lesser woman would not even begin to admit to such pain or even fault. Your desire to improve is an inspiration to me, and also to my hope in the female populace. The more and more I see women like you on these boards or even in the chatroom and call in shows (the ones with self knowledge and can view their childhoods and past dysfunctions objectively--the more my faith restores in looking for a mate. I hope to find women in my area that are as beautiful as you. And I'm not just talking about your avatar.

Yeah neither did I the first time. I only got disturbed from the blatant molestation stuff, but the 2nd or 3rd time I watched it, I fully understood it was her mother all along.

THIS just popped up on my Youtube front page and this greatly expresses how most HIMYM fans feel about the ending.

the thing is sexuality is just one aspect of the book. There are more things covered like bullying and I'm guessing peer relationships. Jodi Pocult is a revered YA author. I haven't read her stuff, but I have read stuff that's been compared to hers. If it's anything like I've been reading, then there's more to the book than just graphic sexual content. This whole blow up just screams of a return to Victorian times.

you've read it William??

thanks for the kind words, but that word difference did get me thinking...I need to mull that over a bit. Thank you.

lol coke bottle glasses are cute... anyways good job on this revelation. It's hard for people to come to this realization that none of their trauma is THEIR fault. When people talk about their childhoods and blame themselves for their punishments, it always makes me uncomfortable because they are revealing how little compassion they have for themselves. Sorry to hear about your experience, especially with getting hit for simply wetting yourself...I cannot imagine what kinds of dysfunctions that has caused you or could've caused you. To be hit for something you couldn't control in your body ontop of the psychological shame of being too shy to go to the portapotty alone. My experience with having more compassion for my child self well...long story short: When I was very depressed just 7 years ago, I would hate seeing photos of my child self. I would get jealous that he had it easy and that he ruined it for both of us by being shy and insignificant. Once I learned the true reason behind me constantly skipping school as a child and a teen, I started to have more compassion for all of my selves, my adult one included. I was wronged. I felt lonely for not having friends between grade 1 and 2. My best friend was a girl in kindergarten but she moved away. Grade 1 I roamed the playground alone but my teacher was nice enough so I put up with going to school. In grade 2 though my teacher was a bitch and I STILL had nobody, so I ended up skipping up to 40+ days of school just to stay home to draw comics and play video games under the supervision of my grandparents. I journalled about that whole arc between the ages of 2-8. I don't want to get too into detail about anymore because it's still painful to think about, but basically I had to stop in the middle of my writing so I could cry. I had to mourn the loneliness I felt and the helplessness I felt with my mom forcing me to go to school and not providing any curiousity or compassion as to why I was skipping school. It was her way or the high way. We shared a tight bond up until I was 5, but things changed. I became too intellectually challenging to her in the realm of religion and we stopped praying together. I felt betrayed by her. Despite of all the time and energy she put into watching over me when I was hospitalized for open heart surgery, she had become a horrid bitch in later years. To this day I work towards repairing my relationship with her. It's been a rocky road. It's not the best, but it's the best it has been in years once I started applying philosophy and honesty in my relationship with her. It used to take intense screaming matches, but now I stick to facts and feelings. RTR works wonders... Nowadays I parent myself. I give myself the compassion and guidance I wish I had from my real father, but could not and cannot because he is less of a simple man.

Meditation actually increases the gray matter in your brain, which is responsible for clearer thinking and taking in new information. We spend a lot of our days thinking to ourselves and thinking about our tasks at work. The brain NEEDS a pause from that stuff, especially in a conscious state. You cannot fill a cup that is already full. Meditation empties your cup, so to speak, and helps you in becoming more receptive to the present moment.

It's Judy Blume all over again, except she got her book Deenie banned for having her her 12 year old main character masturbate. I don't think there's anything wrong with that explicit sexual content in the book. What matters is the overall content of the book. If it's about school shootings and sexual violence and is tackled in an objective fashion, I don't see why it shouldn't be taught in school. It's not like a smut novel like 50 Shades of Gray. The author (I cant remember how to spell her name) is known for writing relatable stories, and if it teaches a moral lesson despite the sexual scenes cited in the article, it's a good book to challenge how kids perceive their peers. And like Cab said...this kind of content isn't as bad as the goddamn Bible and that giant fuckheap of a tome is still taught in schools.

the size thing is very indicative. Do you feel intimidated to talk to him? Do you feel your questions, no matter how important, may not be worth talking to him about? It's a huge question of your own capacity for self worth. I'm no king in confidence, but it sounds to me you need to feel okay with being able to ask him anything if you ever feel like it. What would it mean for your questions to remain unanswered? What would it mean to find out it wasn't worth asking? Or better yet, what would it mean to find out it was more valuable than you can ever imagine?

nailed it!

Oh yeah...I have...yeesh. Thanks for bringing that to my attention, Austin. Is all your post should have said...but you let your ego take over way too quickly.

for who though?

Wow thank you for your openness and honesty. I admire your humility in being able to admit to this. What do you offer your male friends in return for their supportiveness and possible finances? It's like that with my brother. He has a huge social circle and he's good friends with the wives of his guy friends. There are some women he has dated over the years, but never went beyond a 2nd or 3rd date, but he keeps in contact, and even has some good business relationships with some some women. I think it's totally possible for guys to have female friends, whether it's implicitly or explicitly expressed that it stays platonic.