LovePrevails

thanks for your curiosity, I have 3 self-help books in the pipeline, one about communication, one about self-therapy and one about self-knowledge in general but i want to run more workshops before I finish them so I have more real life anecdotes and experiences to illustrate my exercises and approaches I also have one book on voluntarist anarchism aimed at liberals because most of the stuff I have read is more preachign to the choir, and haivng been a liberal I think I know how to find common ground and be more persuasive I have one on being a theatre critic which is sort of unrelated (I have reviewed 75 plays) and one novel which has a lot about self-knowledge in it but I'm far from confident enough to finish it yet. I'd also like to do a book of short plays (I have a number but would like more before doing it) and a book of lyrics (I've written over 50 songs in the last 10 years) In the meantime I am focussing on shorter projects like articles to build up my confidence and content (and audience) and dipping into working on these larger projects when it takes my fancy I know when I'm in a good writing place I can write up to 5000 words in a sitting (my record is around 8,500) so when my inner family is in place I can imagine going bam - bam - bam and finishing these projects in rapid succession typing about it feels good For me what does it is acknowledgining the limits of the mind, such as saying you can't plan completely for conversations in advance or predict certain things with accuracy or work it all out in your head, his acknowledgment of the need to be real in the moment as well as use your head also his epistemology of concepts and correspondence is highly credible and well put to me

any progress on this project?

This is a facebook group for listeners of FDR who have gone on to create their own content to support oneanothers projects and advance our causes for mutual benefit. If you are creating content you are welcome to join and network.https://www.facebook.com/groups/1394625837446977/1394637427445818/?notif_t=group_comment

how tragically, irresponsibly, predictable I am sorry to hear of your situation

Ok and how are you feeling towards her now? resentment? frustration? resignation? what do you feel about the situation? do you think she was being malicious or saying it out of being hurt? how much do you value her? is she likely to say things like that again? if so maybe not best choice of people for friends...

I am not, I am operating from the assumption that the poster wants to optimise his relationships. sounds like the reverse is true to me because saying someone is fucking stupid and socially incompetent is a fucking stupid and socially incompetent thing to say if you want to maintain a decent relationship with someone. How did you respond?

Just in the situation I would say something like "I can see you're upset about that, why don't we sit down and you can tell me your side of the story" Listen back, show some understanding, and when that person was sufficiently understood tell my side of the story and explain why i said what I said I say thing bearing in mind I don't keep verbally abusive people in my social circle could be she is/was not worth keeping as a friend all along, could be on the other hand she was just hurt and needed heard a very self-aware person would come up and say "hey, those things hurt, why did you say them about me? do you believe they are true?" but that's quite a big ask in this world, where most people haven't had experiences of being talked to in that way they usually need to feel safe and secure with you before showing any real vulnerability let me know your reflections on what I have said

How empathetic were you towards her feelings when she told you she was angry/upset about it? did you show her compassion and give her a chance to speak about what bothered her

Pick-up artistry seems to exist for two reasons 1) Men who have learned very poor social skills from their home environment when they were growing up and feel very shameful and emasculated by their lack of success with women so want to learn how to come across as attractive because it ties into how they measure their worth. 2) Women are made to feel like sluts if they have sex with people the want to have sex with a lot of the time, so they have to have plausible deniability - "sex has to always be the mans fault," so there are all these ways the men have to disarm the women and do all the approaching. I don't know what "pickup artistry" means to you or anyone, everyone seems to have a different definition. To some people it's just improving your social skills. It's a horrible word. It suggests that women are not human beings but just targets to be "picked-up". The assumption is also somehow that girls don't want to be picked up, a lot of them do, just by someone they find sexy. If that's all they are looking for they should probably be looking at why they just go for sexy guys rather that people who have a good character and values rather than blaming guys who just learn to appeal to them on a superficial level. There seem to be to schools. One is more about learning to read the situation (which is no way immoral in itself) and then adapt yourself to whatever makes you attractive to the so-called "target" you are trying to pickup, and some of that stuff seems pretty nefarious to me, but it's also idiotic if anyone thinks that is going to solve any problems for them because they are not doing anything based on who they actually are (Mystery who popularized this kind of approach had a mental break down, I would say, because he had no sense of self - in his book he says "you are how you are perceived" which couldn't be further from the truth) There is another school, which I'd say is probably more recent but also seems to be the most popular or "flavour of the month," and I think that's because people had worries about the inauthenticity of previous methods. That school is more about be your best self, look after yourself, improve your self-esteem and self-confidence, work yourself up, become confident talking to anyone, become a good conversationalist, get good social skills, and then approach anyone you want. Not everyone is going to fancy you, but then again who cares you'll have plenty of choice. I can't see anything wrong with any of that. Not doing it or making fun of it is to degrade people for seeing a problem in their life and trying to fix it. everyone is a hater. Some masculinists say that pickup does reinforce the traditional male role of performer, but it all depends what someone wants. Do they want some fun or a good long term relationship? Pick-up can lead to a relationship because the woman may become attached to you after you've been banging for a while, but that is no guarantee that you or her have the personal qualities to make the long term relationship worth having.

Ives how would you describe the friendships you have in your life? do you have any friends you consider close? do you tend to see many at once or hang out with friends one-to-one? how much time do you spend in the company of others?

I second Alice Miller, The Drama of Being A Child critical information

Does anyone know of one? I've been looking around it looks like most of the good uns aren't looking for submissions waaaa I want my work to be seen

My advice: be very very familiar with constructive alternatives to spanking show curiosity and ask when they think it is appropriate to spank a child and why paraphrase "Ah right, I see where you're coming from, so you'd to that to ensue n and blah blah blah" then say, "how about you deal with the situation this way ..... ...... don't you think that would be better because it would teach the child x y and z and secure the good will in your relationship for life?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Pa0DeNU1Tk

I suppose this would be the wrong pplace to shamelessly self-promote the two interviews of Pete Gerlach I conducted? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=461QHiHA6pI http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPIOeO7JcQc 2 and a half hours of the best content on the internet, no bias

Guess who didn't bother to read the first post in the thread or listen to the first video link before posting

this might help http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IalPvNCC3k

Your child has obviously gotten used to responding to aggression as a type of conditioning you have a bit of a road ahead of you to reorient the relationship, there is no magic wand, it's going to take some time you can start by teaching your child some skills that may help him improve his socialisation From an article I wrote: All behaviour is a strategy for meeting certain desires and trying to get something from the environment. If we understand this, then we know that good modelling (practicing what we preach, including expressing our needs in a mature fashion) and preserving the good will in our relationships are the primary predicates to preventing. We must always strive to use our experience, intelligence and empathy to understand what is motivating a child to behave the way they are, from this stand point we can work with them instead of doing something to them. Rather than imposing consequences which can put a real strain on the good will in our relationship, taking a methodical approach can free us to be our dynamic selves rather than simply run a cause-and-effect program of action and consequence. We understand the child’s needs and act to prevent a reoccurrence. 1) Why are they behaving the way they are? What do they want? 2) How have they been treated in the past that may have lead them to think this is a good idea? Is it the only way they know of saying something? 3) Are there alternative ways that they could impress the same wants, desires, feelings or needs upon us, and can we teach them or suggest they do those instead? 4) Can we empathise with them so they know we are on their side and they want to be on our side as well. Can we identify their feelings and say things like, “you must be furious,” or “I know you are frustrated…” to show we understand. Have we taken the time to build up lots of good will between us so that they want to cooperate with us and find mutually satisfying solutions? 5) Have about talking out solutions? Can we suggest some or help them come up with their own ideas? 6) Negotiate, Negotiate, Negotiate! The more practice the child has in problem solving the more their sense of efficaciousness at doing it ties into their self-respect and they cultivate a talent of reasoning and discussing that will likely serve them for life. It is always important to discuss the incident in hindsight when things have calmed down (days later if you wish) so that you can come to agreements over how to deal with similar situations in the future without fighting. Prevention is better than cure, so what we really want to do is teach children better ways of communication all the time, rather than waiting for altercations, so that if and when things do get strained they can fall back on these skills which they have already internalised through practicing when calm (think of preparing for a piano recital, because last minute nerves may make you more likely to make mistakes you get plenty of practice when stress-free.) Ask yourself these questions about your child: 1) Do they know how to express their feelings about things? Eg. “Daddy I am furious that Edward broke my kite,” “Mommy I’m so happy you’re home.” 2) Can they differentiate between different strong unpleasant emotions like feeling angry, frustrated, upset, confused, jealous, guilty, shameful or do they all muddle together into a blur? 3) Can they clearly express their needs? Can they explain what they want and why? 4) Can they express conflicting thoughts when they’re ambivalent? “Part of me wants to do this because… but another part of me wants to do that because…” This talent is a great predicate to discussing the relative value of different options. 5) Can they reason? For example, if there is no fuel in the car engine, then the car won’t run, but that doesn’t mean that just because the car won’t run there is no fuel in the engine, it could be something else. Can they understand this kind of logic? 6) Can they identify other people’s feelings, thoughts, and needs? 7) Can they empathise with other people’s feelings when they are expressed? It is up to you to demonstrate how this is done. If they can’t do some (or any) of these things yet, then perhaps you can begin learning to start expressing yourself in these ways and pass on these essential skills by example. Teach them to do the same as you are doing by pointing out their feelings, by asking them what they need, for example – put it to them “does part of you want to do this because this, and part of you want to do that because that.” Teach them good reasoning and how to spot logical fallacies. By expressing your own feelings, thoughts and needs you also teach them to become aware of the inner environment of others, and by empathising with them you teach them to empathise. www.youtube.com/theprogressiveparent

point is, if you are pursuing self-knowledge, and improving your mental state that is more a determining factor in your next "incarnation" rather that the "good" or "bad" things you do - that is a Western interpretation Buddhism is virtue ethics, the idea is your actions result from your inner state, and so that is what to cultivate, perhaps it would have massive effects on the way you would live

http://youtu.be/3QsNXd57Ppw?t=34s I'm a good writer. I have have over 75 published theatre reviews, and various articles on philosophy published in online mediums as well as a paper that was presented at the conference of The Journal for Applied Philosophy earlier in the year titled On The Abolition of Grades. In University I wrote a paper on unilateral nuclear disarmament for Nuclear Free Scotland, the official publication for the Scottish CND. I somehow managed to finish a few short plays as well and have them staged at uni. I was a good essayist as well and got many A grades for whatever that means. Perhaps 50 songs over 10 years. I did a couple of other bits and pieces. Problem is when it comes to larger projects. How do I finish any of them? I don't. I procrastinate. Even the above achievements were very hard won. I know fine well when I start writing I can go and go and go sometimes. Should I be my best self I could easily write at least 5000 words a day, no problem, and get lots of fulfillment out of it. In fact, writing is about one of the most fulfilling activities to me the most. So why is it so difficult to maintain enthusiasm and see projects through? I have at least 5 books in me at the moment 3 self-help books 1 on being a theatre critic 1 on voluntarist anarchism aimed at the left (something which has never been attempted) and 1 novel

As an old hand I cannot more strongly insist that if you want to try this plant teacher do so with an experienced guide and helpers, particularly if it is your first few experiences. You do not want to be stuck in one of your inner children alter-egos who believes s/he is the cause of all the pain and suffering in the universe without someone there to hold and reassure you, no matter how much experiencing this part of yourself turns out to be useful after the fact. Also if you are having a blissed out experience of feeling your value and interconnectedness with all things you don't want to be so blissed out you think you can do something silly. It's well worth having excellent guidance when exploring the workings of your inner environment.

i understand your desire to comment, but this is a western misunderstanding of the eastern concept of karma which means action and is better understood as the western concept of cause and effect except, according to the eastern teachings the effects of causes in the consciousness continue , not just physical events, therefore it is the tendency of your consciousness which reincarnates, not a "soul" as such ie, the westerner hears of karma and thinks it means "if you do bad you get bad things to happen to you, if you do good then good things happen to you" Not exactly, in Buddhism, what you do creates tangible results, i you want different results change what you do what you think, what you feel, is a work in progress that continues after death, so yes, you want to cultivate your consciousness and improve it if you want to be reborn into better circumstances next time around I think that's roughly it sorry for any shortcomings in my articulation

self-correct in hindsight

I came across some videos on youtube which I found really interesting to watch, frankly whether or not reincarnation were true I wouldn't see my mission to have a good life in much of a different light, but coming from a past interest in Eastern Philosophy which I kind of outgrew because it didn't help me nearly as much as inner child work and improving my communication skills, I often find these discussions quite interesting. This one is the most dry, but it's also the most scientific: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-1BvpDZwiw This is a very enjoyable BBC documentary: this is also quite interesting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9w2MCpzE8u0 please don't comment until you've watched the BBC documentary at least, and the first link.

Has this ever happened? Has anyone gone from finding it difficult to approach meaningful tasks to just getting into it all day every day? I have never seen a single person do it. I've seen them get slightly better, or go through phases, but i've never see someone sluggish with tasks become and extremely proactive person. If you have or you know anyone who has lets here the story.