Kurtis

I was trying to allude to that by asking about what your experience was like with your parents. I was wondering if you were being triggered by the bullies you encountered later in life. When children experience abuse at the hands of their parents it can cause a very real mortal danger in the child's mind (throughout our evolution, parental abuse/neglect meant death for the child). If that trauma is then triggered by a bully years later, the threat would seem disproportionate to the feelings of fear and fight response that result. Of course, this might not be the case with you, just some thoughts i had.

Thankyou for sharing and I'm very sorry to hear about your struggles with bullying. This is something that I too dealt with. Could I ask you if your parents bullied you? This was my case, as my abusive step father and complacent mother turned me into a very good victim who could not fight back or tell anyone. Bullies at school (also children of disastrous homes) can sense this victim mentality like a predator can pick out the wounded prey. I never felt much anger to these child bullies, but I did feel murderous anger towards my step father. Something I didn't talk about our deal with for many years. It is difficult to admit these kinds of feelings and so I commend you for that. These abuses are traumatizing. The anger comes from within as a defense response (the fight option in the fight or flight response mechanism of our nervous system). Trauma needs to be processed in order for our systems to know that the threat is no longer present (see the work of Peter Levine for more on this). This is why the anger feels good, because if followed, it would resolve the trauma. Probably also feels good to have somebody, even if it's yourself, stand up for you. (Healthy parents would have been angry on your behalf as a protective response to your danger you experienced) I would even have dreams where I would act out this murderous anger on my step father. However, in real life, acting out in this way would obviously harm many people including myself. Luckily there's a much better option which is therapy. You can process these traumas and be free from the ongoing chains of inaction against violence you experienced in your childhood. You can rewire your brain so that it can be in the "rest and digest" state the majority of the time. This work can be very difficult and your anger can be a helpful ally. The goal should not be to eradicate the anger, it is there for a reason. Once you've processed the traumas, that anger will be gone from your normal state of being. However, it will be ready and available to step in to defend you should dangerous people come back around. Find your self worth (often a big struggle for children who've been abused/bullied) and learn to love how your body is working to protect you.

Welcome! The situation you described of your self discovery leading to alienating most people from your past is very common here. When we find self love, we find high standards for ourselves. This is a great community, but don't give up on finding people that are close to you. You can help foster this change you've found (in yourself) in others by being the best you can for yourself and your daughter. People will take notice, the kind of people you are looking for. Looking forward to your contribution here

I will look into more of the videos you suggested. The reference I made to the video you posted was his report that the society was surprisingly advanced and shocked archaeologists with its levels of technology which were thousands of years ahead of what they had expected. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. I don't claim that graham Hancock is some kind of mystic guru, he is a journalist who reports on archaeology, particularly those sites that contradict the view of main stream academia. I must admit I'm a bit confused myself since the type of things he reports on are very much in agreement with the video you posted. Which is that the idea that advanced societies originated on earth only once (in the fertile crescent), is not held up by modern findings. New dig sites around the globe point to a much earlier time frame with multiple origins of advanced technology/maths/architecture etc. I do not know as much about the societal structures of these societies, so I'll look into that more. Thank you for the info.

You do not respond to people's questions or arguments. Now you are bringing forth the infamous statist "but what about roads?" 'argument'. Since you said you are new, and you didn't answer my previous question, I'll assume you haven't listened to the early shows like I suggested. If you truly are interested in these topics then that's a great place to start. Until you do that, or exhibit some humility, I'm done following this post. Best of luck.

https://board.freedomainradio.com/topic/44612-dont-feed-the-trolls/

You never answered Michael's question. You basically said that statism interests you because you're interested in statism. But why does it interest you so much? Why in your very long response did you not even reply to Michael's point about peaceful parenting? As a side question of my own, how many podcasts have you listened to? If you started at show #1, I think you'd find answers to many of your questions. Perhaps you'd even find the answer to Michael's question.

Interesting video. However, there are some areas where he falls short. He says this society and their advanced tech showed up "surprisingly" out of nowhere. There is growing evidence that the accepted historical time line of modern human development is very wrong in that the dates need to be pushed back thousands of years. Graham Hancock's work is a good source for all the different archeological sites around the world which are pointing to this. In the video it is also said that the Egyptians were the source of the "dominator" system that we are still in today. New evidence is also challenging this belief by showing that this only occurred at the end of the Egyptian society when the priest class gained power and invented the idea of buying spiritual salvation from imaginary dangers. For thousands of years prior to this the people that lived in that area had a society very similar to the one described in your video, a heterarchy of skilled people living in a society centered around water. There are other details mentioned in that video that I'd like to discuss, but I don't want to sidetrack this post. These new findings are important to this discussion, as this data shows that for thousands of years, at the start of advanced human societies around the globe, the natural state for humans was to build peaceful heterarchical societies. The idea that we "need" oppressive masters to create order and peace is merely a fabrication started relatively recently in our modern state of being. As we know, this idea is still very strongly believed today. However, it is merely a construct of misinformation and lies. Much like the twisted "truths" that come with abusive family systems, the current historical "truth" is yet another layer of this same technique of oppression. The truth will set us free.

By living it. Practice voluntarism and NAP in your family of origin, family, all relationships, etc. Doing this will make you happier. Happy anarchist makes for good advertising. You want people to come to you asking how you've become so happy and successful. Be that shiny beacon of light.

+1

"A lot of adults out there are really just damaged oversized children who are unwilling to face the truth about their childhoods" Yessss. After I had faced my own childhood truths and healed the damage, I now can't help but to see adults in this way you described. It certainly helps with finding sympathy for them because I see their hurting inner child selves. However, it also makes it so very sad to see what they cannot or will not see. Especially once they have children of their own.

Reading your post reminded me of a subject covered in the "Unschooling Life" podcast, which was about "Spoiling" kids. The results that were discussed were that when things were forbidden or restricted (bedtime, icecream, screen time etc etc) then kids would crave these things and given the opportunity of choice, would binge to excess. However, if the freedom to choose was maintained then kids would naturally end up self regulating to healthy sustainable levels. If swearing is discussed openly and not forbidden or punished, then it makes sense to me that kids would only use those words when appropriate for the situation (much as a mindful adult would). http://unschoolingsupport.com/spoiling/

Welcome Ed! Do you care to share what type of insights you are finding from listening to the relationship/call-in shows? I know when I started listening that the call-in shows were the most immediately useful to me. I would so often find aspects of the caller's issues that resonated with my own, often issues that I had not been able to clearly see beforehand. The main insights I received at the beginning were ones that acted to break down the family of origin narrative that had been so deeply programmed into me. The result of this was me being able to see my mother's responsibility for the many bad things that I had experienced as a child. This started an amazing journey of self knowledge and healing for me, for which I am profoundly grateful. I hope you are able to find what you need also. I look forward to your participation in the community!

You are absolutely correct. ​A good rant on discussing logic with irrational people and the coming tougher times (show # 3080 and starts around 2:15:00): http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/3080/liberal-media-industrial-complex-call-in-show-september-19th-2015 I don't know exactly as I haven't marked down the instances, but it is a change I've noticed from listening to almost all of the shows. If you continue to listen to a mix of older and newer shows I'm sure you'll come across it also. Thinking of the multigenerational approach being the solution was easy to get behind as I've improved a great amount from my parents and I hope to pass the knowledge on to my potential future children, so that they can reach even higher heights with an improved start. Thinking that this battle will need to be won within my lifetime ups the anti a fair amount as I'll need to focus on raising a family to the best of my abilities whilst continuing the fight in an ever worsening environment. But what other responsible option is there?

I can't really answer for that crowd, as I am not one of them, but the irrational always have more irrationality to offer. I don't think you'll ever get a satisfying answer because you are attempting to use logic against people who are acting on emotion. Which brings us back to the OP, and why I agree with Stef's approach to solving the solution by working instead to not damage the next generation of children. (Although he has lately expressed concern as to whether we have enough time for this to work, versus his earlier multi generational vision.) I don't think the question should be: "What is the perfect line of questioning/arguments that will convert statists?" But rather: "Is it even possible to do so in any meaningful way?"

In science fiction writing this is the case, as the "leave it" option is extended to the planet. I would expect that will be how it goes in the future. "If you don't like it, then go ahead and start your voluntary, violence free society somewhere off-world."

Yay, the SE cheerleaders are back out again! +1 for Somatic Experiencing SE therapy was very helpful for healing my traumas. Traumas which used to result in emotional states that I would use addictive behaviours to regulate (marijuana for example). I fully agree with Dr. Mate in the source of addictions being based in trauma. Also, Dr. Levine's work on healing trauma is very good (see his book: Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma). Something that may be of interest to you, and usually unpopular in this community, is the use of shamanic healing traditions. Specifically Ayahuasca. This is something that Dr. Mate worked with and found very successful in treating addicts in the area he worked in (downtown Vancouver's lower east side). I had hoped this topic might come up in Stef's interviews with Mate.

I used to focus heavily on how screwed everything was and that was before I became aware of philosophy, self knowledge, FDR etc etc. Now I know even more detail on just how badly things (people) are messed up and yet I have more optimism. This is fueled by the improvements I've made on myself, which has helped foster positive change in my very small group of friends and partner. My focus is now on my small group of friends and the potential children we will have in the coming years. I've seen how me being that "beacon of light" has spurred positive change in those around me, and I think that will gain momentum in the next generation raised by my tiny tribe. It's not much, especially when stacked against the traumatized hoards. But it's all I currently have. Another reason for optimism is the available tools that technology provides for learning and communication. Despite the troubles I still think this is the most amazing time to be alive. There will always be an unlimited supply of people who can provide cause for despair. However, I think it is important to not let them cloud your vision because doing so will close you off from the ability to see the positive and potential in the few that have it. And that is our work, to add to our small tribes one by one, spreading knowledge. Will it be enough and in time? I don't know, but I don't see any other possible solutions at this point. ​

People have amazing capabilities to change. If she is willing to try therapy then I think that is important and should be thoroughly explored before any decisions are made. I know nothing about legal precedent in your area, but if nothing else, for you to actively be pursuing solutions should strengthen your case should it come to that. Even documenting what goes on might help (but again, seek professional guidance on this also). Therapy is a powerful tool in healing, but also requires time and commitment to the work. I hope you are able to reconnect with your wife and heal what is broken.

Yes, I didn't mention it, but I'm not advocating going for an English Literature degree if that's your passion. I agree with you (and Stef) on the point that many of these areas of study are hobbies. And, if you are setup in life and decide to pursue a formal education in a hobby, as a hobby, then that's fine. However, it is a problem that seems to be very common, which is that people don't think about how their education will transform into a job until after they graduate. Ultimately, if I had a do-over, it would have been ideal if I had found self knowledge, therapy, and philosophy at a young age. These are the forces that have had the most profound and positive effects on my life.

That is very good

I just posted on this forum about an unschooler named Jeff Till ( https://board.freedomainradio.com/topic/45122-a-complete-case-for-home-education-jeff-till/). He has a great podcast/article that addresses many of the questions/criticisms that people ask of unschooler parents. I remember him specifically, in one of his shows, discussing this situation of people wanting to "test" his kids. He had a great response, much as you do! This made me think of a recent episode I listened to of The Unschooling Life podcast on the subject of 'Spoiling' kids ( http://unschoolingsupport.com/spoiling/). It was very interesting in the examples of how when given limits, kids will want to binge on the things they are not allowed, when given the chance. But when kids are able to choose openly, they always end up self regulating these "unhealthy" behaviours. I want to say that I'm not saying what you should or should not do in regards to your parenting! I am only just learning about these things now in preparation for kids in a couple years. Thanks for sharing your experiences!

That is exactly what I did. And if I'm in fantasy "do-over land", I would not have done it. I would have followed education in what I was passionate about. If I didn't know what that was, then I'd take the time to figure that out before doing any schooling. As a "mature" student (30yo) I went back to another technical school diploma program, but this time for something that I was passionate about. If I was younger I would have continued into a masters degree in this new field. But at my age (now 35), I didn't want the student loans and further time delay in establishing my new career, as I'd like to start a family before I'm 40. In my experience, it's not worth getting paid well if you don't love what you do. ( FYI: I originally chose to be an electronics engineer because of the money and demand. Now I make less money and I couldn't be happier. I spend my days tramping around in the woods as a forestry engineer. I still get to do problem solving and be creative, but I also get to be outside and active which is what I enjoy most. )

Came across this guy (Jeff Till) on a School Sucks podcast... He has an amazingly concise and wonderful case for keeping children out of government school, in the form of 54 arguments. It is probably the best source I've found as an introductory offer to people unaware of the importance of keeping children out of these destructive institutions. The page below has links for streaming the 1 hour audio presentation, an audio download link, and a downloadable and printable PDF version: http://fivehundredyears.org/a-complete-case-for-home-education-54-arguments/ Spread the good word!

Thank you for sharing these very serious feelings and experiences. I'm so sorry for your situation I often feel gratitude for somehow avoiding marriage and children in my pre-aware days, as like yourself, I did not have tools then to do either successfully. I understand how painful this must be for you, and how important it is to improve the situation for all members of your family. I also commend you for facing this difficult issue on behalf of your daughter. I don't have much to offer as an answer to your question on how to proceed. It sounds that even though your wife may be reluctant to go to therapy, that this would be the best first step to try and take action on. I imagine that she will need plenty of therapy just to work on herself, let alone on your relationship and parenting. How long have you been in therapy? You sound very aware of your actions, do you feel that you also have much more work to do? I know for myself that at times when I was dealing with very challenging work, which I often felt very alone in experiencing, my therapist was a great ally. In that regard, what, if any, support system do you have for you and your daughter (friends, family, etc)? It does not sound like you are able to have rational or productive communication with your wife. If that were possible, using RTR techniques might enable her to see how her actions are harming you and your daughter. If that is not possible, seek professional help (as in a therapist). Your wife needs communication skills, empathy, and self knowledge. At the very least, you doing work on yourself will be of great benefit to your daughter. However, as you described, you having to submit to your wife's irrationality is not a good example to set even if it avoids escalation in her behaviour. Your daughter needs to know that she has at least one competent caretaker who will keep her safe. How to go about doing that (and more) is well beyond my knowledge. Seek the guidance of people who do have this knowledge and/or experience. I'm sorry I can't offer more support than that. My heart goes out to you. Have gratitude for finding your way to the knowledge that you already have and forgiveness for your self, so that you can be strong for your daughter.