regevdl

The child is not property. Not yours, not the other parent. It's not like you owning land and then giving it up. Not the same. The child is a human being. It is not the right of the parent to receive child support. it is the right of the child to receive child support. You created the child with another person. The child did not choose this and is dependent upon both parents for food, clothing, shelter, education, other general care. By either/both parent relinquishing without providing a suitable substitute (giving up for adoption to another providing family or making other arrangments of financial support and care) then you are initiating force against the child.

This is an interesting question and I have often wondered myself. I am sorry I don't have any theories to help you as to 'why' and forgive me for adding another element to your question to be answered or explained but even some popular artists who succeed in the U.S. have different songs that succeed in other countries. Like Michael Jackson is undeniably huge all over the world...or was in his prime. Yet the songs that were his most success in the U.S. were not necessarily that huge in other countries. Some of his lesser known songs were widely known worldwide. And not just in each particular countyry but almost collectively around the world EXCEPT the U.S. if that makes sense. Or songs/artists that aren't huge or popular by conventional or main stream standards are often widely loved abroad. I'm find myself embarrassed when I am overseas and people are singing American English songs that I may have never heard of or don't know the lyrics to and they know them all by heart. Maybe this is my individual defciency. lol

I think either way everyone needs to be treated with equality, compassion and respect. I am sad to see people reiterating this because it reveals that people are intentionally being disrespectful or it reveals that they are reacting emotionally rather than hearing people's challenges in accepting these life choices. Especially in high profile when it feels 'shoved down our throats'. I get it.... turn off your TV to avoid it. of course, but seriously, it's hard to avoid. But bringing up certain challenges one has with these life choices is not disrespectful. Look, I think it's completely fair to question this transition. This man was married twice or 3 times and had numerous children with each of his wives, was a top athlete and now this. Let's set aside his fame-hungry publicity agent ex-wife for the moment. I mean the moment people question this they get the door slammed in their face about intolerance and bigotry! That's completely unfair. Sure. maybe his marriage failed because of his secret life but that is nothing to celebrate if he was deceiving himself AND a couple of wives WITH children involved. I'm sorry..... man or woman up and be honest. Eventually he did but we don't really know at what cost. I think the picture is too perfect but what do I know....I'm just an observer. I listened to his speech in receiving his award (her award..sorry). I don't care if she deserves it above the others or not. MY concern is that she talked a LOT about taking the punches and blows from the haters to hopefully empower or save those in the same position, contemplating suicide. She is free to carry out her advocacy how she feels but it feels too much 'fame-gluttony' for my blood. glamerous photo shoots, highly edited and scripted 'documentaries' and such. What could REALLy help the trans-community in the country? In person visit. Follow them for a day and sit iwth them and talk specifically how to handle the haters on a day to day pertaining to their demographics or circumstance. She is only one person and she can help one person at a time. But it's a bit 'hands off' and self congratulating to say she's taking all of the hate to save others from it.....meh...show me the data. Have trans suicides and bullying gone down since all of this? Has she publicly admitted to seeking counseling AND her family seeking counsling through this process? I think that would be a 'practice what you preach' lesson and live example to the other less famous trans out there. How to transition, how to help the family accept, etc. none of this is preached by her glorified advocacy. I guess that is where my diasspointment lies because look. I saw more humility and more CONNECTION from Princess Diana in her missions around the world that if Caitlynn Jenner is suppose to be a fraction of that level of class and hands-on....I'm just not seeing it. Her transition does not affect me in the way but if she's going to be splashed all over the media, then show me that she's personally connecting with real trans who are suffering, not just accepting awards months after her outing (again.....hate to speculate on the convenient timing of that with all of her hollywood connections...). missed opportunity to do some real good because honestly, if I was a suffering tranny surrounded by bigotry and all I saw was this famous man now a famous woman and nothing but love and support I would certainly be happy for her but feel more distant from that reality because that IS far from reality I could imagine for most of the trans community. It probably looks unrealistic. Hell. I got more shit from family and friends for marrying outside of my religion and suddenly I"m suppose to accept that 2 or 3 exwives, parents, AND children are all-aboard her trans train? I'm reasonably skeptical.

I am not medically savvy on this topic but why couldn't healthy adult liver tissue (possibly from living relative) be just as helpful to the inflicted individual? I mean organ grafts/transplants of living individuals and sometimes from cadavers.... is there a shortage of these current resources?

Or my question is...in a free society, who is lining up with a fistful of dollars looking for baby parts? Is there a demand for it ? Will there be a legitimate demand for it? I mean PP gets gvt funds and I noticed that the gvt comes up with projects and then make people think they need it. But are there any non-gvt abortion doctors offering this service? Is there a legitimate demand for it? If not....then it probably wouldn't even be a topic of discussion in a free society for this reason. If suddenly people needed baby parts in a free society, then I guess the moral aspect couldn't be avoided any longer. The other question too is, after the baby is extracted and chopped up, who is in charge of the remains? I mean, I can volunteer as an organ donor and if I did not do so in a healthy state of mind, then no one in my family could easily volunteer my parts. I am sure there are loopholes but this is really grim and morbid when the baby has no rights from start to finish and to the pro abortion I have always asked and never get a straight answer on when does life begin and when do their inalienable RIGHTS begin? If it's at birth, then it's like putting a barrier before they reach the finish line. Like...oopsy...you weren't born, so no rights for you. But they weren't born because of outside deliberate causes, not because of any natural occurance. For example like a running approaching the finish line and I chop off their legs and claim they can't win because they didn't reach the finish line as opposed to they trip and fall on their own bad luck or exhaustion and still are allowed to get up and finish the race and claim a prize if they have qualified.

I was raised Roman Catholic and went to Catholic school, nuns and all. We had to do monthly confessions and before any holy-day...it was compulsory. I hated it mainly because I hated being 7 years old and constantly feeling like I was a sinner and born a sinner and every normal behavior was a sin and I had to admit it even if I felt in my heart it wasn't a horrible sin. Like cursing. Distasteful, yes but a sin? I rarely cursed but...when it's forbidden, it was 'fun'. But each year as I grew older I began to resent that children are made to feel bad and sinful rather than just embrace the purity and curiosity and educate based on that rather than on guilt. I think for me, being a sensitive person anyway, it made me hyper-critical of myself that I probably internalized a lot more guilt than was even necessary or recognized by Catholic standards! lol As a child, I would ironically LIE in confession and make up sins because I felt I really didn't have any (again, based on my standards of the definition of sin. I didn't commit any of the 7 deadly sins so I felt I was 'all good'). Then after I made up a sin to confess, I would confess that I lie. I wouldn't admit that I lied in the confession but a general "I lie". lol I mean that's how twisted it was for me. As I got older I would go in and if I deeply felt I had not committed any terrible sin, I would simply state that. I would say, I feel I have not sinned and just carrying out orders of the teacher/school. The priest was actually very humble and compassionate by that and a lot of stressed was relieved from me because before I was too scared to dare admit I didn't sin because we are constantly taught we sin and are born sinners. Sometimes he would gently ask leading questions to make me think internally to see if I am in denial about any behavior that might be sinful. I thought that was interesting. I can't think of specific examples since this was decades ago but he would ask some questions about my family dynamic to see if any reflection could be made and behavior improved on my interactions with family/siblings, etc. I stopped going when I left home to college and then I did see value in it later on but went sporatically but more importantly I went voluntarily when I felt like it....so fairly rarely. . The prayers are not intended to be punishments but rather a blessing to cleanse the soul from these sins. As a child, kneeling in a hot church looking up at a dead guy on a cross and repeating prayers does seem like punishment. lol When I would go voluntarily as an adult I will say it did feel good to get some things out, if I was in a circumstance as you explained....a bit of isolation. It lifted my spirits but there was a vaccum after because a priest will always listen and not judge and maybe offer some perspective and advice but he's not in your daily practical circle. So it sometimes clashed with the company I chose to keep around versus the company I would be better of having around. In other words, by going, the value it gave me and was hard to admit was that, I had no one in my life that I could confess to without judgment and certainly without help and support. So my work began to build a life with such people. Overall, my current viewpoint as a non-practicing individual is that it can be useful in a circumstance such as yours but it's not sufficient. Try to build a life with compassionate individuals who can listen and offer truthful support and constructive guidance and criticism (it can take years to find these people! don't give up!) as well as use it as an exercise in admitting fault. Because to a stranger and in the privacy of a confessional booth and with a man who you already know won't get judgey and angry and will fill you with love and confidence, it is a great first step to learning how to admit fault and flaws. Then practice that outside of the 'bubble' of confession. It can be a very revealing experience and opportunity for growth. I agree with this as well. That's why I stopped going as an adult after even the rare times I voluntarily went. Many times the priest (depending on the circumstance) would encourage rectifying and admitting/apologizing to someome I admitted to him having hurt. I don't know if that was just my priest or most do so. I hope most encourage to personally apologize. But yes, I think (as I noted before I saw your comment) that it can help you get to that point if you are someone that finds it hard to apologize or admit fault in a safe environment that can build confidence and insight/reflection to allow you to reach a point to then carry out the admissions and apologies to the ones you have hurt.

cool., thanks for taking the time to explain further. got it now. sorry I was in a fog earlier.

I know...sorry to be annoying but I too would like to understand it. I understood your Fair Well/Welfare reference but your original pun regarded success-full not well fare. Something isn't computing with the original play on words in your 2nd joke.

J.D. Thanks for sharing and your experience ties in to the point I was making on the parents' responsibility to teach kids how to play and invent games. I'm not juding your parents, I don't know them from 'Adam' but to use a loose example, if I may. I agree with you, as a parent, they should be been aware of your game choice and could have easily redirected you to another game OR given you a safer way to play with the rocks. (throw them against a tree in the yard or empty lot, etc) Long before my kids were considering to throw rocks, I remember as a kids we too would throw rocks. As a parent I see nothing wrong with it but, as I said, long before my kids even considered it, I knew the time would come where they would want to do it. When they were babies, I did not allow them to throw toys/rocks. I redirected them because at that age they didn't understand the broad repurcussions. I would still let them play with rocks as babies but more about squeezing a handful or sifting them through fingers to help motor-skills, etc and if they tried to throw Iw ould gently put their hand down and do something else with the rocks in my hand so they would copy me rather than make rocks a forbidden or punishable device. As they got older I suggested that throwing rocks is ok as long as they first check to make sure there isn't glass, people or cars around. ANd they can throw at 'targets' such as trees etc but not at people or property that someone owns. I suggest that if they aren't sure, just come and ask me or any adult that's around (a close friend/family) And if they aren't sure and no adult is around, then it's best to not do it and find another game to play completely. This at least gave them a 'checklist' before they started to play and I added in some ideas such as 'it's fun to throw rocks in water to see the ripples'...as long as people or pets aren't around. Then, when they got to the age of rock-throwing, they already had those ideas to use rather than make up their own without pre-determined boundaries and warnings. My neighbor always threw rocks growing up and always caused destruction and always got whipped for it. Looking back it was stupid to punish him because he never had context or the sense or direction/education to simply be aware of your surroundings. This is key and has to be taught young. So extrapolate the idea to other forms of play. When I played with simple toys /games with my kdis we played the 'correct' and conventional way and then we try to 'mix it up' and play with the same game but different ways. I always point out less obvious things while playing or even while watching TV. If they are watching their favorite cartoon, I will occassionally (not to be annoying) point out subtle things so they get experience looking for the less obvious. it's a GREAT way to help your kids avoid future programming with media manipulation. We know how those tactics work. If they are always paying attention to the obvious but simultaneously searching for the less obvious they will be shileded from manipulation from all forms. I hope that makes sense and helps. I know we can't always predict what games kids will come up with and want them to use their imagination and why at least the method I use can be universalized. With anything they do they know to check to ensure it's not putting them, anyone else or property at risk, to ask if they are unsure and to use things as they are intended to be used and if they don't know how to use something, don't or ask to be shown. That's pretty much it. lol It may work and help in the short term but if it doesn't teach the kids exactly the start-to-finish play of events and why it was wrong or destructive, it's bound to be repeated. The parent will perceive the repetition as it being done against their will. Meaning, if you do it once...it's an honest mistake. If I make you aware and you do it again, then you can't claim ignorance and most parents are more harsh the second, third, time etc. So the fact that the behavior keeps repeating shows the sign of ineffective parenting on the issue, not bad, naughty, rebellious child. Sometimes explaining the same thing 3 different ways helps children. As parents we can see the whole picture, predict future, assess situations far better than children and thus we take a lot of that for granted when we explain things to them. What seems obvious and rational to us may not always click thesame with a child and learning which form of communication works for each child is the best way to resolve undesirable behavior. So just merely a negative repurcussion in the long run doesn't teach empathy. It only makes the child worried about themselves. So in the example, it was about breaking property that belongs to someone else...yet the focus is around the child of the wrong doing rather than the person negatively effected by the child's actions. The BEST first step is to explain to the child the wrong doing or carelessness, take responsibilyt as a parent of any gaps in parenting that might have led the child to do the wrong/destruction AND AND AND go with the child to make a formal apology to the person effected. Without this, then everything evolves around your child rather than giving the respect to the person who had their property destroyed. They deserve an apology. Sticking the child in the room not only is a missed learning opportunity for the child but is disrespectful to the person who now has damanged property. If you want to prevent those accidents or behaviors, the child needs to be taught empathy and how caring for others' property actually helps them protect their own. it's the UPB at work. If the child understands other people's property is just as valuable and important, then those people will have the same attitude towards my property. but spanking or time out doesn't touch that. It's a mini prision which only teaches. If I damage someone else, bad things happen to me. So I won't do it or I will try to get away with it next time so nothing bad happens to me. their possible 'deterrance' of that behavior for the future is about self preservation. It may have the same desired outcome....prevention of destruction of property, but it comes from a selfish intention and non-empathetic motive. And a selfish motivation only provides inconsistent outcomes of desirable behavior. And for some, might cause them to be more tricky in covering their mistake/'crime'/wrongdoing. For the non-empathetic people, it's more about not getting caught rather than it's immoral/unethical repurcussions. An empathetic respect for people's property provides a more long lasting and consistent outcome of not destroying people's property. Becuase their deterrence comes from the motivation of, if I respect other property, they will respect mine and we all win. The time out/prison method might have some successes but when kids learn to deter destructive behavior by being taught proper and more careful play (accidents DO happen but many can be prevented) it will lesson opportunities for 'punishment', enrich the child and move society forward MUCH faster. Prisons and probations have existed for too long and look where we stand. Are we better off with grown children (adults) in crime and murder and property theft/damage? not really, so this can go a long way when people really understand the impact each individual child can have by teaching 'repurcussions' with empathy of all property rather than only self preservation. And I'm sorry for going through some lengthy responses, I appreciate anyone's time in reading and considering my perspective. But I learned another tactic a long time ago and was very skeptical. I tried it with my kids AND at the daycare. The method is when a child harms another person or property to first FIRST respond to the 'victim'. The tendancy in most people is if my child hits your child, I, as the parent will immediately yell or get angry/punish my child and the parent of the other child might also yell at my child or hug their child to protect/comfort them. All very natural and reasonable reactions. What I learned later is that if my child hits another, my FIRST reaction should be to go to the 'victim' and comfort them, and encourage my child to do the same. But the approach is make the incident all about the victim first and foremost. When the victim is calm, then I can try to bring my child over to make a formal apology (I will not apologize FOR my child's action but will take responsibility as the parent and apologize to the victim that I will teach my child better to control anger, etc) It was weird and hard to do at first but it works very well. At the daycare, since I am not the parent of those kids, if I see a child snatch a toy, hit, bite or whatever I will immediately run with genuine concern to the victimized child and hug and kiss and ask if they are ok, ask how I can help. The 'naughty' child is then moderately 'ostrecized' which into itself is a negative repurcussion at the same time teaching them empathy and the actions of empathy by witnessing how I respond to the victim. (hugging, etc). Later I will talk to the naughty child about the behavior either alone or next to the victim and start a dialogue. I work with kids ages 2-3 and you will be amazed how well they connect to this method. The purpose comes from the fact that some children do naughty things either because of boredom or lack of direction OR for attention. Sometimes we never know in a particular incident BUT, to avoid giving them what they want (if it's because of attention) then the best thing is to shower the victim with genuine attention. Because when a child is destructive to gain attention, even negative attention, they are still getting what they want. Showering the victim first, solves this problem. Even with my kids and the kids at the daycare, if they do something I feel they should know better, then sometimes I just ask them, "Do you need a hug?" My son, who is 8 will often times say, "yes....I feel like I need a hug". Later he has told me "mom, i realized that sometimes if I miss you or we don't have a lot of time together, I feel like doing naughty things and I will try to remember to tell you that I need a hug."!! So sometimes I remind him and he has, on occassions told me he feels like he needs a hug because he had thoughts of bothering his sister! It showed me that with practice, they can 'catch themselves' in the act or before they have the desire to be naughty. It's quite profound!

The only thing close to a 'time out' that I use with my children is if I see that the undesirable behavior is not related to them being hungry, tired or other perceivable reaction to frustration then I simply suggest they sit in their room with peace and quiet, they are allowed to play and come out whenever they like. Or, I run a warm or cool bath (if they are hot from playing outside and get a bit crabby) and let them soak for as long as they want. I don't present it as a punishment but as a solution to calm down so we can discuss the problem together. I suggest to them rather than demand they go sit in their room or take a bath or whatever. If we are in a public space/event, I calmly walk them to a space away from a crowd and just sit and breathe with them or talk or sit quietly. Sometimes, kids just get overwhelmed or tired or pissy and lash out...just like any adult. And for me, as an adult, when I feel frazzled and pissy I just like to be alone or retreat to a quite place if possible. So I just try to give the kids the same solution. From time to time I ask them when they are already calm...not when they are in a tizzy... if there is any other ideas they have that will help them the next time they might feel frustrated or naughty. Then they can be part of their own self-care which will help them as they grow up and more independent. When they are calm, then we talk about it. I think first verify that it wasn't a complete accident. If you watch kids often you will see much of what they do is not to intentionally destroy things but they are genuinely trying to play. As parents, they need to remember to teach their kids to play at a young age. Tickling to get your baby to laugh is not playing and is actually not healthy but I digress. I work in a day care and you will be surprised how many kids at the age of 3 don't know how to play so their type of play is destructive and they don't deserve to be punished for it. Now, I DO redirect them, teach them and explain but much of their destructive play is a symptom of parents never or rarely sitting down with them and showing them how games and toys work. Many adults thinks it obvious for kids but it's not and it never hurts to introduce new toys to kids and show them how it works and play with them with the game/toy for awhile. Even if it's things that aren't toys or theirs, if they are old enough to understand language, then you can explain what it is, how it works, etc and if we are allowed to touch or not. Many adults try to make fragile things invisible for off limits for kids and that doesn't give the kids any context OR when the kids finally do see the 'forbidden or hidden' item they become curious, not fully understanding it might be fragile, etc. I never baby proofed my house and my kids never bumped a corner, ever. quite astonishing since I stub my toe or thigh on a corner almost daily! lol But I would watch how they behave and what they naturally took notice of and then used that information to add to it things they might not notice like sharp corners or fragile lamps, etc. But in your situation, i don't know if you mean the child intentionally broke something or if it was an accident. Paying for it doesn't teach them about the value of property rights and empathy. such as..... we shouldn't handle things that don't belong to us without asking or knowing how to handle it/use it. The owner values this item just as you value your (stuffed animal/toy, etc) and if you allowed someone to use your valuable you would want them to be very careful, etc.

Thank you for sharing. That is a very intimate moment and is so special. I love the way you worded your perspective. It calmed ME down! lol But seriously, that was beautifully put. I do hope you/him/mother find the source of it. It seems to me, again...just a random sense observation that since he feels better in them moment but it isn't long lasting in that when he walks away from the conversation, might mean he is trying to superimpose different perspectives into his fear and it doesn't fit because the source of the fear is unknown. As in, he heard your very smart and acceptable perspective and it seems to make sense to him in general but possibly when he is out of 'that moment' he tries to apply it into his situation and fear and something doesn't match up for him and the fear once again takes control. you mentioned that the last instance occurred before you woke up. If it's safe to assume that was after he himself woke up, so he might be having dreams that are triggering this and why journaling my be useful before he talks or hears other input. If it is dreams, that may not be the end of the line because the you must find out what is causing these types of dreams, etc. After he journals, then the discussion can begin or the writings can be reviewed, etc. Again, bravo on your dedication to facilitating his discomfort!

In Israel? very unlikely. I WISH. It's all about taxation and 'benefits' to the Jews. I like it here but the tax farm structure is horrendous. They have socialized health care but many people are also buying private insurance and understanding that double paying is not so fun. taxed for 'shitty gvt healthcare' and paying reasonable prices for excellent privatized care. I hope it will catch on to the point that people will demand the gvt just get out of the healthcare business. But I digress. lol

I was born in '79 and around the same age I would have panic attacks related on the thought of dying and then it was like a self-fulfilling prophecy because of my panic attack/hyperventilation I really DID feel like I was dying. I came from a strict Roman Catholic upbringing and so fear of death and hell was always imminent. Anyway, I mentioned the year I was born in because had it been a kid of this day and age....I probably would have been pumped up on meds. Fortunately I was a rural 80s kids and the 'legal drugs' weren't all the rage back then that I was aware of. I digress. My parents were of no help during these attacks or even after as I made it clear to them my phobia of death and dying. They thought going to funerals would get me 'used to it'...only made it worse. They would never talk and made me feel like a burden about the whole thing. It was humiliating. I wish they had talked to me as you are with your son so, first....even if it's not giving you or him instant relief or rather, longer lasting relief, keep allowing these discussions to occur. Looking back on my experience, it's hard to say what would have worked but knowing how I got through other emotional challenges at a young age I will share this for what it's worth: Suggest he talk about or journal his dreams. If he wants you to read them great, or he can keep them private. My fear was dying too soon (I never pictured myself as an old person and your response to him was superb btw!) So maybe this won't apply to him but since I always fear dying 'too soon' or at a young age, upon my reflection I realized it was a frustration for not living to my fullest...even at a young age, I lived under such strict circumstances that I felt like it was killing me and stunting me. It literally did. So again, since his fear is dying at a 'normal' age maybe talk about 'cycle of life' and being honored to be alive and the 'miracle' of life and how among a gazillion dust starts HE has a chance to be alive, etc. To be completely overwhelmed by the opportunity and inspired by it rather than skip over it and jump to the 'bitter' end. Does he have access around old people...if so in what context? If he only knows sickly, miserable, crabby old people....maybe remove him from those environments and introduce to full of life or having lived a full life elderly people. I agree with "marginalist" point in that do some self assessment and see how you are projecting your views of death (whether positive or negative) and try to understand if they can come off confusing or scary to a child his age (even if you feel they are positive viewpoints, etc.). This goes for anything with children. Often adults take for granted what they are comfortable with and forget how a child might be experiencing. not saying you are doing that but always a good habit to check in with yourself from time to time. And sometimes it's good just to do process of elimination of any obvious triggers. When this fear began, was it triggered instantly or slowly growing? Maybe ask when he started feeling this way before he spoke up. usually when they speak up...it's been going on for quite some time. Did he see any movies that depicted death and such? Ask if he would LIKE or be interested in hearing your viewpoints on death. If he wants, then share. Preface it with that he doesn't have to agree but just to help him understand that everyone goes through their own adjustment and way to face our end. your viewpoint isn't and shouldn't be used to 'fix' his challenge rather only serve as one example. I know at that age it's really hard but you say he's above average intelligence. So in that case try to narrow down the fear. such as, "what is it about death that you fear?" He should really think about it before answering. Because if he sees himself as an old man, it's assumed he understands you, the father will not be around. My fear was dying while I still had connection with my effed up family and good friends and leaving them behind. But if he's old, he probably understands you too will have died by then. So maybe clarify these things and pinpoint what exactly it is about the death he fears. Leaving his family behind? etc? I think when he understands his own fear, he can manage it more if that makes sense. Best of luck. I really feel for your son, my experience was HELL on earth and I could only DREAM of having one, let alone both of my parents put in a tiny effort to console me in any rational manner. All the best!!

THanks so much.

I am not sure if this is 'proven' factually but in my experience with my kids and caring for others' kids when a young child is behaving less mature than their capability it is a time to really reflect on the expectations and demands you are putting on that child. I can be a viscious circle and this is the symptom. When you said he 'wants to be a baby' in his own words. My daughter is very advanced for her age AND looks 3 years older than she is. She is 5 and as tall as some 7 or 8 year olds. So she is constantly put in the position of the leader and responsible on, etc. She is capable but sometimes I notice that she just wants to be a silly little girl and even I forget to 'allow' her as I am always trying to push her to her capabilities. So just beware and ease up on some expecatations and demands. Brush your teeth with him...even if it's the 10th time you brushed that day. lol With my son I used to play 'role play' where he was the mom and I was him. he loved it and after it, he really stopped some of the annoying habits as it reflected back to him how silly it was. My daughter HATES that game...so it might be a hit or miss. When I played 'his role' I didn't do it in an overexaggerated or insulting way. But he liked having the 'power' for a bit and I just played along mimicking his behavior and being stubborn in some instances but being AGREEABLE in others.... it has to be balanced and a way to reflect their challenging behavior but also display a more cooperative behavior.

This may sound strange but I'll only offer things that have worked for me in those 'crisis' meltdowns, so for what it's worth. When I see my kids getting really agitated I have a few 'outs' that I go through. Sometimes I have to go through a few and I find a winner and the winner solution today may NOT be the winner solution ever again. lol So just always stay creative. Before I go into details of the various 'solutions' that have worked for me, I am a huge preemptive strategizer (word?) lol I don't play Candy Crush or any down time distractions such as that. Instead, I am scouring the web for fun activities for kids. Just so I have some ready if I need to get them refocused. ok.....my kids to this day fight tooth and nail about the teeth brushing. I finally sat them down one by one at a time that they didn't need to brush their teeth....like in the middle of the day...I explained that they get one body in their lifetime and they can treat it however they want. But they need to understand the 'costs'. You can explain in an age-appropriate way but for my son I used his bike and our car as an example. That it is not fun that mommy and daddy need to fix flat tires and do oil changes and wash the car, but it's the only one we have and we can instead sit inside and watch TV all day but eventually the car will break and we won't be able to drive anywhere. And relate that to their bodies. After that, they got it but I do remind them every morning and evening in a 'what is an important thing we need to do this morning for our bodies?" They answer, "eat and brush teeth". I say, 'that's right...it's your choice and remember the costs." and since then.....they do it immediately. I do the same in the evening. So I still need to give them that reminder and push but it's LESS stressful and energy consuming than before. If they come home crabby or just get snappy (or try to remember when they were your sons age) I would not offer, but actually bring water or milk without solicitation. Even now, my kids might start getting agitated and pissed off. I simply tell them I am listening and to continue talking. Meanwhile I pour a half glass of milk and hand it to them without saying a word (Because they are still talking). Or in other times I tell them "I can see you are angry or sad and I want to help. It's hard for me to understand you when you are crying/yelling, etc and I want to help if you would like me to help..... I can give you time to calm down and I am here when you are ready." I say this in a calm and genuine empathetic voice. I also kneel down to their eye level and I softly put my hand on their shoulder or hand. But most of the Time, in the middle of their meltdown I give them some signal that I need to leave the room but I am listening and I come back with the water or milk and hand it to them. 9 times out of 10 they grab it, calm down, drink and breathe one or two breaths and then talk to me calmly. If the milk / gentle voice doesn't work, I go through another 'solution' I have locked and loaded. lol That is, depending on the circumstance, I offer them a bath. With bubbles if they ar ein the mood or without, if they don't want. My kids LOVE baths. If they resist and I get the feeling it will help (because they feel hot from a warm day running around) I make the bath anyway and just show it to them when it's full and I don't demand, ask, I just let them get in or not. Most of the time they end up getting in on their own without fuss. I think for your son, he is finding his 'power' and place and that is normal. So these are easy ways to give him 'choices' to satisfiy his needs but you are still involved in the situation. Even if the bath is not at the normal time, sometimes it 'refreshes' them and they come out more calm and feeling that they have the rest of the evening to play w/out my interruption to tell them to do another chore (bath time kids...turn the TV off....put the legos away...etc) I hope that makes sense. Kids....will ALWAYS say, "I will.... I will do X" They will always give you promises of compliance. It's not to say don't believe them but ..... lol Also, he is still young to get 'time management'. it's good to stick with it so it will eventually 'click' but try this... in a non critical time (when you need him to do something in that instant or expect him to do it in that instant), let's say at breakfast or at the park, try to have a brief conversation and put yourself in the story. Such as. you know, daddy likes to do XYZ first before he plays so that way he can play longer or without interruption. your approach "do X to receive Y" might be a bit bribey so just be aware and cautious of that. Try instead the logic and reasoning of WHY the order of self care benefits HIM (and not you). If you brush first, you'll have uninterrupted play with your game until bedtime, etc. It's true, honest and logical. Because even as adults, we indulge in things we want in the instant and after awhile would also get annoyed if we were always told. before you go have a beer you have to do XYZ. it comes off naggy. Not saying it isn't important to do things in a certain logical order but you have to pitch it in what he gets out of it....so it's a true negotiation so he can weight the costs and benefits. He will see your orders not as orders and demands but you are living the example (trusting that you follow what you preach! lol). Then apply it to him after you see he 'gets' the concept. you can then tell him, you know, at home, I always suggest you brush your teeth and X time so that way I don't need to interrupt your game after. After your teeth are brushed, then you can sit and do X and I won't need to come and stop you to tell you to brush your teeth! You could even suggest, hey son, today can we try it one time to brush your teeth at x time so I can show you what I mean? If you don't like that, then we can go back to the way it was (I know....hoping he won't call your bluff!) lol You willl have to talk about this daily and if/when he does brush his teeth at that time in a calm manner remind him. That's so great, thank you for trying it out. Doesn't it feel good to play this game knowing I don't have to come back to tell you to stop so you can brush your teeth? Overall kids this age (this is just my observation with my own kids and working at a daycare with 2/3 year olds) is that kids this age learn responsibility by doing things with the parents. brush your teeth together. make it a fun son/dad time. Even if you've brushed yoru teeth 4 times that day....try it. lol When he gets a bit older and in the habit of daily brushing, then he can do it on his own. When kids throw tantrums...i see this at the daycare.... I first give them a hug. if they refuse I don't make a big deal about it. If I feel frustrated I take a breath and tell them I am here when they need me. They need to be constantly reminded that we are there for them. I tell them over and over that it's ok to cry but I will only be able to help when I can understand and I can only understand when they stop crying so to take their time and when they can speak without crying I will be able to understand and then able to help. This has been HUGE success in the daycare and at home for me. It makes the kids feel free to share their feelings rather than stifled. It gives them the opportunity and control to deal with the problem on their terms and their timing and reassures them that no matter what you are there. Even if you need to step away 15 feet or to the other room, they can come and get you to talk, etc. So I hope this finds success in your situation.

Hi FDR friends, I am a bit divided on an upcoming job opportunity and wanted to get some feedback. First a bit of a lay of the land on the situation. I am in Israel, I'm an American. I live in a very remote area and my children attend a public school (no other option in a reasonable vicinity). I knew this going in but part of the decision was that our county is one of the wealthiest and invests a lot in the school. It functions at a very high level, not too authoritarian and not as much of the heavy indoctrination that occurs in schools in other parts of this country. If I lived in any other part of the country I would send them to private school. Home schooling here is virtually non-existent. There is a demand for it but the government is a lead foot against it. The other benefit is that since my children moved here when they were a few years old, the public school environment does give them the necessary exposure to learning the language, something I cannot provide to them at home. I supplement my childrens' education with homeschooling. I am not doing a full program, obviously but I 'fill in the blanks' so to speak. I am certified as in ESL which is teaching English as a Second language (or also called EFL: English as a Foreign Language). This country is in desperate need of native speakers as teachers. Most of the English teachers here are Russian and no matter where you go, children constantly complain that they cannot even understand the teacher in Hebrew let alone English. I looked at my nephew's English homework one day and even I was confused. I, not having any knowledge of where he is in his learning, just gave him a few tips and he reported it helped him tremendously. So I have a strong 'poker chip'. Being an anarcho-capitalist I am not interested in being a government teacher. I have made this clear to the county bureaucrats and again, because we are a very small community and given the high demand and low supply, they are very open minded....and many of the bureaucrats' children would be my students so they have personal as well as professional interests in getting me on board. Most people think I am crazy for not wanting the 'secure' gvt teaching job in the traditional sense. Phrases like "Pension!" "Good Pay!", etc are frequently peppered in the conversation when I'm trying to keep the conversation around the topic of "better, more efficient education for your children!" "More natural learning, rather than memorization", etc. Anywho, My hesitant husband quickly agreed with me after I used my logical arguments and understood that the money will come if I get to teach MY way and not be locked in the current method. They seem to think that as long as a native speaker teaches the current method, it will be better. I am sure it will....to a small degree but it's the method that stinks. (and this is the same method most gvt schools use globally in any foreign language). No wonder it takes 10 years and still kids leave school not knowing how to read or write or dare speak in their new language. It's sad. I learned Hebrew (reading, writing and speaking) in 6 months. It's an ongoing learning process but those 6 months gave me so many launch-pads that if I translate that into a full year with KIDS for several years, they will be masters at their new language. I digress. I proposed the idea to the county of hiring me as an independent contractor. I teach my way, I still need to ensure the kids fulfill gvt 'standards' bla bla bla but won't be a problem because. ....they will actually LEARN in my program! The county was interested. My salary will still come from county income from taxation and didn't know if this crosses any ethical lines as an anarchist. Before I went to the county, I did engage with the parents of my community and ALL were on board. I tried to start a private after-school program but...and I know this will sound strange....there wasn't a way I could do it without the county forcing me to get them involved. I looked at every angle and they would shut me down if I went on my own. :-/ I thought about calling their bluff, knowing how much they desire my services but for now I will comply. Funny side note. The county did tell me that their main concern about me doing a private program is that they kids will learn too fast with me and out pace the gvt program. LOL!! So they KNOW the program is much better. I think too that (and I agree) that they see more value for me in the school since it pulls kids from 4 villages in the surrounding area. children I could not possibly have access to with my private program without the costs being too expensive or my availability too limited factoring driving time, etc. So as of now I have gotten consent from (not all) but most of the parents. Those who did not give me consent didn't necessarily disapprove, it was simply I have not met with them or their children are out of school, etc. Anyone I did speak with that have older children that would not benefit from my program (because they are no longer in school) did give consent and were pleased by the idea. I feel that even if my salary comes from taxation I HAVE taken measures to give approval from as many taxpayers as humanly possible that they agree with their money being used for this. Thoughts?

People with this mentality are as small and insignificant as they feel and project themselves to be. His statements indirectly say 'i'm an insignificant individual and therefore my actions are insignificant." Only someone who doesn't feel accomplished would feel their actions have no recourse or impact...good or bad. Also, his wife is no better. It's great she was at LEAST apprehensive but her reason-so is pathetic. Once again.....do good or else. Rather than...do good because it's the right thing to do. Gee.....mentality of an abused or spanked child? Only doing good when you know you might get caught or punished. Is anyone else sick of this mentality? I know I am. People don't care about their actions unless they are effected personally. That's his problem. You will have a hard time making arguments unless he feels personally effected by them. Stealing an extra movie view will be difficult to show him how he's hurting himself in the long run but it may be easier to connect his selfish, low-hanging fruit mentality and how others try to rip him off with the same mentality. By going around bragging about his selfish act, he may potentially encourage others and make it socially acceptable in which he might be the next 'victim' of this 'minor' act to which he most definitely will not be laughing then.

The UPB sorts this out. Ask the statist to universalize the concept. Where else would implied contract be acceptable and enforced? Can car dealers get in on that? The statist, in an an-cap society can freely reject his own property, pay taxes and subject to that contract and reap the benefits from it. He cannot force you to do the same. to go further or may start out by asking the statist to clarify the 'implied' contract in that you are born into it so it is not a choice. Can we impose contracts on the unborn/freshly born and do they have an opportunity to renegotiate when they turn to legal age? If not, then it is a form of enslavement and cannot use the term 'contract'. Also, how it it implied to a child who is starting out unable to understand language or the contents of the contract? If the contract ceases to fulfill said duties when the child was born, how can that child...now adult extricate themselves from the broken contract? If it's a one-way contract...then again....they are misusing the word contract.

I applaud his effort and I am against the state, however we cannot forget that if you do not comply, the state WILL escalate, so his arrest should be of no shock or surprise when he refused to leave. This is knowing going into any push-back of the state. It doesn't make their escalation moral or correct or necessary but that IS the nature of the beast. However the most hilarious quote "accused Norris of disrupting the operation and efficiency of the tax office..." HAHA as if the Tax office is EVER efficient!

kudos for video response. lol To play devil's advocate, let's say there was attempts by the living/healthy person to 'reform'....I really hate using that word so if anyone has an alternate...please feel free. But the virtuous person has made attempts to reform the other. I don't really know anyone who is sitting around and waiting to die or become ill. I mean I was a selfish bitch back in the day but I wouldn't say I was subconsciously or consciously thinking 'man I will definitely come clean on my last day'. That's why I was a selfish bitch because I didn't even recognize I was being a selfish bitch. No one knows when they are going to die and when a virtuous person reaches out to try to reform another (a loved one), no one knows when they will finally 'get it' or wake up. In that time of reasonable attempts, they could fall ill or injured that may lead to an untimely death. I agree that when a virtuous person has lived honestly and tried to 'reform' loved ones and cuts ties when hope is lost in their participation but there is usually a window of overlap to give the person a chance. I agree with your last statement completely that apologies or amends are pointless when action is no longer possible. I find it actually more passive aggressive than even a benign or courageous act. I find it quite hostile to apologize in such a manner if i'm being totally honest. For me, no...how they apologized wouldn't trump the fact that they are apologizing in a situation where they can not take actionable recourse. The fact that even if they believe in eternal darkness or fluffy clouds and that is influencing their behavior more than a human to human contact over time especially if one was honest enough to share their grievance the other person caused and they still never apologized or used lame justifications only to 'come clean' their last day is quite hostile, cowardly and insulting to everything religion or morality and ethics stands for the way I see it. I didn't always feel this way. I went along with the 'forgive' propaganda or 'show sympathy' and I fortunately have never been in this situation but know people who have and it might give the living resolve in the moment but from what i've seen on the sides is that it still eats at them in the long run. It's sad. I don't think that those living would feel differently if they had more 'explainations' from the dying.

Hello FDR friends, Does anyone find it insulting when you hear stories or see in movies the 'death bed apology'? I used to get sucked into those stories and scenes and cry and get all emotional but now it just pisses me off when I see/hear about them....if I know the person receiving the apology has tried to 'reform' the person on the death bed. My initial personal view on this is if I or anyone lives a life, unafraid to speak the truth in a compassionate manner to friends, family/close loved ones consistently and the friend/family mocks, resists, etc and only on the death bed apologizes or 'reforms', I would not show any mercy in terms of accepting their apology because I see it as selfish. If they believe in an afterlife, then they are only trying to 'hurry up' and conform to the standards of their afterlife, rather than try to provide any closure or healing to me in the grievence they may have caused in our lives over the years. If I was a person who was too afraid to confront immorality, etc and never spoke the truth and was given a death bed apology, I guess I would be more susceptible to accept it because I myself am more likely to hold in my guilty thoughts until my dying day if I haven't spoken up over the years. Being that I am a person who doesn't shy away from controversial topics and someone who I have tried to 'reform' for a lack of a better term, over the years gave me a death bed apology I would not accept it. Any thoughts or other perspectives on this?

maybe we should begin by defining terms so we are on the same page when referencing such words. What do you mean by 'capital' in "because a capitalist society compels you to earn capital to survive". Do you view food as capital? Would you trade labor to obtain food...even if you grow it yourself you are inputting labor and resources (water, compost, etc) in order to reap capital (i.e. food). You are capitalizing on your work and investment (time, energy, talents, etc.)

I do compliment him often. Not everyday but at least once a week. I feel I am always fishing for compliments from him. This is humiliating but I have discussed with him openly that I have vunerabilties of needing validation from those who are close to me. I know this puts an unwarrented expectation on him and I try to work past it on my own. It's hard to put into words exactly. . This is something I know I need to work on as an individual. I heard a podcast about 'investing' waiting to cash in. oddly the podcast call in was about relationships with the man putting in certain behavioral investments into the woman hoping to cash in one day on the return. I feel I do this with him. Like complimenting him...I mean them when I say them but subconciously I think 'ok...he will understaqnd that compliments make him feel good and return the favor when he means it'. etc. I have discussed with him that I literally think like that sometimes and even though it's not fair or realistic, I am working through it and indulging it once or twice won't hurt. Even though I am open, he is stingy with compliments and 'open talk'. I am patient and I usually start the discussions and he starts off lashing out but as long as I don't take the bait and remain calm, he opens up more...not a lot but more. The first times never worked because I reacted rather than just let his backlash blow past and stick to the course of the conversation.

gee 'skirtilator", what qualities have you exerted in life to attract those types of women if that is your honest view of them? Clearly if that is your view of women or the first place you go, then that is all you have seem to surround yourself with, what does that say? Do you surround yourself with those types of women in order to feel superior and thus be constantly critical of them to compensate for something lacking in you? doesn't look well for you equally as much as you try to shoehorn all women into that stereotype.