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I won't make the call if this is immoral or not. I mean you were honest with her but.... be honest with yourself and stop wasting time because you are keeping yourself from finding a better match for you. And... it seems like she has a lot of abuse that she's not aware or willing to acknowledge and this will not turn into anything healthy for either of you. If her feelings are advancing and yours are not, cut off .... it will hurt less now than if you drag it out. She apparently uses sex because she feels she has nothing of value to offer.... she needs to deal with that so she can find a quality man and you need to move on so you can find a quality woman. With that said, Neither of you are providing respect for yourselves or each other.... and I am sure if you communicate this to her she will understand and take value in it to move in a healthier direction and you as well but away from each other. Look.... consider the next woman you meet that might be quality and you are open about your past relationships and such. When you bring this situation up to her that future quality woman will RUN. Don't jeopardize repelling future quality women ESPECIALLY in exchange for a fling of a woman you know won't advance to anything fulfilling.

Defiinitey read/listen to his other book 'Practical Anarchy'. It goes into those things in more detail. I would also refer you to Tom Woods. He is not an anarchist and his radio shows doesn't talk about it but he DID interview another guy who wrote a book about it and I apologize I forget the guy's name but if you go to Tom Woods' website I am sure you can find it in the archives.

You are making a LOT of inferrences and assumptions and filling in the blanks with your predisposed bias. If you can find the podcast where it was inferred that believers should be dragged off an shot, please share so we can address that immediately. if you are inferring it, then you are having an emotional reaction to the arguments against believing and you need to actually counter the argument rather than use hyperbole to paraphrase what you thought was being stated. Because, one thing is this.... more than anything, Stefan and anyone who joins these discussions use the Non Aggression Principle as the basis of our moral foundation. Therefore, to imply, infer, interpret that anything argued against religion would be a suggestion to drag them off and be shot goes against the NAP (non aggression principle) and is in complete contradiction of that. You have to first define religion in order to answer your question. By religion, if you use the Webster definition: the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, especially a personal God or gods, then, just because all other moral virtues are met, this would not be ideal for society because it's irrational and uses coercion and threats of death and violence. You seem to worry about society banishing you yet how much does religion and religious text call for the banishment and ghastly punishment of the non believer or the sinful believer?! Ok now, take UPB for example (if you have not read or listened to the audio...I suggest before going further on this topic) because UPB touches on all of the moral virtues (10 commandments) that are found in a few mainstream religions. It's the usual...don't steal, don't kill, etc. But...the difference is, even though the religion and UPB has those virtues in common, UPB does NOT require you believe in a diety or superhuman entity. AND if you support UPB AND don't believe in the non-required 'god', there is no other threat such as, "follow UPB or else your house will burn up in flames or we will kill your first born, etc". It's UPB or the consequences of human interaction that go along with not following UPB. Meaning, if I want to steal, that is against god's word and UPB. God will send me to hell after I die. The real world will look like this: I burglurize someone, I could get hurt if they defend their property, I could be captured by police or privatized civil protection services, I could be financially responsible for damanges or loss of property, I could lose my job/reputation, etc. THOSE are negative consequences that could easily and predictably occur even before you get into legal prosecution and religious damnation. That is enough to deter most people. The risk outweighs the cost of whatever is sought to be stolen. All of that can be deterred even without believing in a vengeful yet 'loving' god AND have the same desired outcome. So.... you have to ask yourself, why is having religion so important when you have evidence of people who don't have god can behave equally moral and virtuously and promote it without cathedrals and synagogues? Also, who should be 'afraid' of who? Name 5 atheists who murdered religious people for being religious. And name 5 religious people who murdered because that person went against god.

all lives matter. let's see those other protestors who complain about police brutality stand up against this cold blood murder. I saw this on the Yahoo homepage and literally gasped and had a sick sinking feeling.

omg. I don't either.!! lol what a weird smoooshing together of completely different things. I would either a. count your loss and move on to the next carbon-based life form that might have a smidgen of a clue to have a more productive conversation or b. go point by point. cut up their argument in more bite size pieces and take one issue at a time. 1. No one is forcing you to stay here. Correct, however through documentation, visa and immigration out and into other countries, it does create a lot of bureacratic snare traps to 'simply' 'just leave' is not as easy as walking out of your private home as no one needs to give you a background check, tax forms, import forms, stamp documentation. If I don't like McDonalds or some private country club, I can actually simply 'just leave' and no one will check my papers and the next privatized property will not check my papers upon entry arbitrarily. 2. Correct. We are not forced to shop at Walmart or McDonalds etc. However we are forced to shop at gub'ment benefits called roads and I guess in Canada, healtcare. Meaning, if Walmart has poor ethical business practice or provides sub-par quality products or service, then I can stop spending my money there and no one will come after me with scary threatening letters saying I have no paid my dues to Walmart. If I am against a gub'ment policy such as certain wars or selling arms to countries of which they first destabalized and then inserted their own dictator, I am forced to pay for that regardless of my opinion or judgement on that. So I can simply verbally oppose military intervention or the quality/lack of quality of healthcare, etc but, unlike at Walmart, I have to keep on paying. If I stop paying, I will get threatening letters to try to scare me into forking over my money. If I stand my ground and ignore those letters, they will send armed men/women to my home. If i continue to stand my ground, I could/will be shot and killed. No WAY private enterprise could or would go to such extreme for me to buy their product or service. I just took my dog to the veterinarian today, if I choose to use the gub'ment provided vet (yes....one actually exists in my country and I have heard nothing but horror stories about him), the private vet will not send armed people to my home demanding I continue buying her service. That is the distinction people need to admit and be aware of. NOW. I give the person (of whom I am debating) the moral agency and opportunity to continue with their viewpoint. In that after I make my case on these issues, I tell them. Look, if you STILL think gub'ment provides the best of all of the products and services, then no problem, but please admit the point that they use force and coercion for you to fund them and we need to stop pretending there is anything moral or altruistic or of quality there. Just say you love what your gub'ment provides and the quality and that you fully understand it is all because of forced funding that it even exists and I'll have more respect of that position than pretending anyway it's so great we should pay for it and why they force people to. lol I use another, shorter version like, "having to force someone to fund your service or product is admission about how bad it sucks. A man/woman who forces another to have sex with them is only admitting how bad they are at convincing the other what value they can provide to convince the other to take upon the sex or relationship voluntarily. Or (since I make jewelry and art). I would be admitting how bad my art is if I had to force or threaten people to buy it or give them the option to leave my store as long as they go through a lengthy bureacratic process (which is a deterrant more than quality control) OR I have a lenghthy, costly and complicated process for anyone wanting to enter my store/gallery (thus deterring them) while simultaneously telling htem, "well if you don't like it...go to the next store...who happens to have the same processes)...which is a form of entrapment.

Stefan and also Tom Woods (he does libertarian podcasts) has some good discussions about how to debate a statist. The other day someone tried to sell me the idea of universal healthcare and they too brought up the roads in a way as, "well if you are against gub'ment so much, you sure do appreciate the other benefits they offer like roads..." My response to them was, "I don't have a choice. I can verbally disagree but beyond that, if I find something lacking quality that is provided by the gub'ment or I find something they do morally abhorent, I have to pay for it regardless and that I find objectionable". That seems to be a line that generally gets their brain ticking.

and you have to remember that often times, these people are not seen as terrorists by their own people. THey are seen as freedom fighters and if the people are paid or benefit from these groups, they will hold allegience to them, even if they are being propagandized. THey see them no more as terrorists as most poeople see Obama. Most people may SAY OBama is a terrorist or some will defend that he is not, those who defend he is not, are the ones who benefit from him and ignore or don't see the bad parts. And those that say are equally guilty if they can prove it and still do nothing yet want to bomb terrorists overseas. It's such a cowardly thing when people can't even deal with their own tyrants. So that's another reason why this whole proposition fails. And if these people DO recognize it's a terrorist, an individual, often times they DO try to take care of it on their own. But, if the person is part of a larger more powerful violent organization, then they are intimidated and the 'incintive' benefit leans towards complying. That IS the incentive, unfortunately. Complying becomes the incentive. So if you know how to unravel that please, for the love of all, tell me.

The Israeli strategy is well known and well discussed on both sides. That is why Hamas puts children as human shields because they KNOW Israel will bomb where Hamas is hiding weapons and key members. so yes, Israel says...we will take out Hamas and their weapons, etc. So Hamas, because they are Hamas, use human sacrafice to demonize Israel (Just to be clear this is not my endorsement of Israeli policy overall, this is just one aspect of a very complicated mess, where not each side is innocent) Israel does sometimes drop flyers over Gaza prior to bombing to inform the residents where they will be bombing to give them lead time to escape and yes...they are fully aware that that means even the bad guys are given advanced noticed. I guess they wager that what are the bad guys without their weapons (in the imediate) knowing that the bad guys will get weapons in the future. Sometimes they do 'precision bombing' to take out individuals, assassiation bombings etc. Hamas is a socialist program. They buy their power. That's how most of these regimes work. They give free care, education to poorer families in exchange for alliegience and of course it's coated with a gooey, sweet outer shell of 'resisting the oppressor' i.e. Israel. So it's not like they defeat Israel and then release their grips on their own people...they will only tighten it. That's the whole point. Right now they feed off of the terrible infrastructure that part of it has NOTHING to do with Israel yet they direct eveyrone's focus on Israel = evil so people will forget or ignore who is really oppressing them on their day to day lives. so these people literally have a gun to their head. It's not like Hamas says, "May we please have your son as a human shield, you will be greatly rewarded and pride and money and heroism and..." and the mother says, "oh, no thank you, not today, maybe some other time" or "why yes! I have been waiting for this great opportunity!". No, they come, with guns and muscle and demand and pay the family and the family has a choice....do or die. I was not saying that I believe Hamas lives matter, I made that statement as in the context/viewpoint of Hamas. The problem hasn't been solved for 60 years BECAUSE of revenge killing. THey can kill off scores of terrorists and families and have done so and because of power-hunger and power vacuums and propagnda and such, people who maybe weren't terrorists before fill the void and take control. This has been well established even with American internvetion in the Middle East as to why terrorism is getting worse and more wide spread, not better. Because it's not just dead families, it's destroyed CITIES that hold a lot of innocent people who are now even more hungry, thirsty and desparate and the only people giving them money, were the terrorists, are now dead and they take their place. That is just ONE aspect. When these people barely have enough opportunity for education or learning in school or school books or jobs, do you think they will be receptive to peaceful parenting? They are bogged down with Anti-Israel propaganda, militarized propaganda, fear propaganda. Even the few who I have contacted that are stilli n Gaza are in total fear of their life just SPEAKING to me over the internet. Their lines are tapped, internet controlled. You have to again, really connect with Arabs to understand their dynamics before assuming 'incentives' are the magic bullet. Those who made it out of the middle east are more easily convinced. But here the social and familial stigma if you go against the grain is catastrophic. Do you know how many sucides there are just because a son 'disgraced' his father..and that's at the objectional opinion of the father! If the father feels disgraced, the son must die...be killed or commit suicide. That could be something we see as very minor offense (drinking or cohorting with a non muslim). but to go against parenting styles that directly oppose their parents' style? OMG. very little chance. Remember, most ARabs live in one household....very large with at least 2 or 3 generations of that family in the home. Grandparents, many wives, many many sons/daughters, aunts, uncles, etc. There can be 20 people in one large home and if you try to be different..... in the home and then in your social community? It's almost a death sentence. sometimes literally. If you can come up with a strong enough social or individual incentive to convince these people it's worth it for them in the long run, please share with me now and I will share it with them. But it's so far from the world you and I know. Many of them feel it inutitively and if they are brave enough, they simply leave. They ironically flee to Israel where they have the freedom but still migh suffer from shunning by other Arabs or they have to flee outside of the Middle East but that is so rare and they don't then mingle with whites, they flock to other Arab communities in Western Nations. Physical attacks will not solve it. It won't. You thinking it will is not making a case for it. Ok, find an Arab or anyone who aligns with peacefulparenting. I don't care if they are Christian or Muslim or Jew or atheist. Ask them if their local church or local family was bombed for being bad if they will see that as a positive? Because a bomb in their community, even if by taking out an evil family or pastor or priest, will lower the value of their community, cost a ton to rebuild, lower opportunity, create trauma by non evil people, destabalize the area even more putting pepole in panic. Like you have to really think it out. THink if a bomb landed 4 houses down from you and you find out later it was a terrorist, but your neighborhood is a disaster OR if they snuck in and shot the whole family and the gvt tells you they saved you from the terrorist.... I mean you wouldn't feel uncomfortable about that? OR...a FOREIGN nation killed them and then tells you they were terrorists, you would believe that foreign nation completely, right? I mean of COURSE they know the person 4 houses down from you more than you do. you have to look at this in real-life experiences. Not just on paper.

mellomama touched on point in her response but yes, the Jewish religious texts urge to abstain from 'bottom feeders'. Shell fish, certain birds, pigs and such are bottom feeders. I have also heard that because pigs have close DNA or genetic similarities or because they are so intelligent, this is another reason for forbidding eating them. A lot of their 'religious' habits do evolve around sanitation of which I give them a lot of credit for throughout less enlightened history and probably where some of the suspicion and resentment against them came from without full understanding of the time. During bouts of epidemics, the Jews usually suffered less because they kept meat and cheese separate. I guess when everyone else was dying off, it makes the Jewish population stand out for better or worse. they knew how to eat from the land and with very little waste or disturbance. To have kosher produce from trees, you have to grow trees that produce nuts and fruit, you must wait 4 years before you harvest otherwise it's not considered kosher. The practial reason why is that when you cut the flowers and prevent pollenation for the first 4 years, the tree stores up all of that sugar, becomes heartier and stronger and by the 4th or 5th year, the fruit is much sweeter and bigger, etc. We own a date plantation and even if it weren't actual law by the gvt to wait, we would voluntarily do this practice to wait (thankfully we only have about 1.5 more years to go before we can pick!) lol It's harder financially to invest that much work and effort and not get paid for that many years, but it will be worth it in the end. Anyway, by law I don't mean that if we do pick early we will get arrested.. Instead, what will happen is that our product will not be considered kosher. We will export our produce but the gvt won't approve anything for export if it's not kosher, regardless of which country it's going to. YAY gub'ment! we have friends who also grow dates and choose to pick early becuse they needed the money. Their dates are so crappy and they can only sell them to the few non-kosher markets or to the arab communities here, so their quest for immediately gratification still didn't pay off like they had hoped so it's best to wait. The separation of meat and cheese is another one. Some, as metioned above, even have separate dishes they use only when serving meals that contain meat and some only for meals without meat (or that contain dairy). Yesterday, coincidentally, we hosted a lunch and an old Yemenite jewish man made the soup. He follows the kosher laws VERY strictly so because my kitchen is not even close to being kosher (lol) he brought disposable plates, utensils, etc. That's how you work around that problem. lol The soup had meat, so he came prepared with a non-dairy chocolate cake. So, the point is that the bible or ancient rabbis had good reasons for these rules but now modern rabbis keep adding to them (like gub'ment always adds new laws to old laws). So they'll say, you can't eat meat and dairy in the same meal, when the original rule was don't cook the veal in cow's milk,...the meat cooked with its own mother's milk. But nothing about eating chicken and eating cheese made from goat or cow's milk. But those who keep kosher keep ALL milk and cheese separate and go to these extremes that even the dishes don't mix, etc. it's a bit absurd at times. Also the modern rabbis say you cannot eat dairy for 6 hours if you ate meat. So if you had meat for breakfast, you cannot have even milk in your coffee. So these are all variable and most people don't practice to this extreme. Even at the kosher markets, if they are owned by religious, they won't even put dairy and meat in the same shopping bag! I remember a funny incident when I was unaware of this and I had a pack of hamburgers or some meat and a pack of cheese. Because they were both cold I put them in the same bag and the bagger kept emptying the bag. lol I finally understood why So it can get pretty extreme in this habit which I feel because of the advances in hygiene, etc, it's sort of unncessary and more of superstitious rituals people go about without thinking of where it all came from. I always look at things and history from a practical standpoint. And these obsessions of food/cleanliness back in the day were based on life or death, now....not so much. i have often pondered why they don't mix meat and dairy. There is some quote in their bible about (I am roughly paraphrasing) that you shouldn't cook the kid of the mother's milk. (kid being a baby goat). So because of this, they don't mix. Basically back then, when farms were private and for the sustainability of an individual family, it was a guide to ensure agriculture fertility, some believe the ban against it was based on it being inhumane. Again, purely speculation but I'm always curious to ponder. I do get annoyed when people follow these strict rules without giving it a curious thought. I have more respect for those who have questioned it and continue to practice it for their own peronal reasons rather than, 'because we are told, because god said because the rabbi said, because you are bad if you don't.

Sorry your family is abusive and dysfunctional, that is a bad deal. If you have things you love and are good at then find people who can appreciate that. I am assuming these are things that others might also be good at (better or not) to which you can learn more or teach. I find it perpelxing that everyone you described around you doesn't see your greatness yet you come off like they all need to change rather than you simply change your environment. It's MUCH easier, to begin, to change your environment than to expect or attempt to change every person, of whom you described as dysfunctional. Would you agree? I want the closed minded people to change as much as the next guy but in pursuit of that, you have to know when to move on. If people around me show me how dedicated they are to not changing and I still hang around them, then I can rationally no longer be angry or frustrated or resentful of them. That would be putting irrational expectations and hope into them changing. Find others who are good or need improvment in the things you claim you are good at and the things you love about yourself.

I'm sorry, the first part of your response seems to be directed to another poster because I don't recall (and re-read my post) discussing interest and financial matters...if you could guide me to the context of that because I'm a bit lost with your response as if it's related to something I mentioned earlier. Maybe I did but cannot seem to find it. :-/ Sorry. But Islamic Nations living in Israel? That's confusing. Do you mean Muslims living in Israel because Israel is considerd a political state so I am not sure how an Islamic political state/nation can exist inside another, if you can clarify. Many Muslims use Israeli banks. I am not privy on how they circumvent the interest issue, if at all. i know in the United States, there are Sharia -friendly banks in which they simply factor in the cost of the interest into the overall loan and that seems to satisfy any of their religious quandaries. Or maybe there are Arab banks. I am really not sure about that and haven't put much thought into it, or, the Arabs here don't care that much about that particular part of their religion. I also don't know if that applies to all of Islam. I know that it applies to those who believe in SHaria law. Again, I don't want to say too much on something I know nothing about. I will be happy to ask the Arabs I do know about this and share with the group. So, your proposal about Hezbollah or Hamas, are you making that suggestion as if the government of Israel does NOT say such things. My goodness there have been 2 wars in the 4 years I've been here with Hamas in Gaza and I know, surprisingly, not every word Netanyahu speaks is shared world-wide but that's all he says. He has no problem making these claims, but you are dealing with a martyr culture, so the 'we will kill you' only feeds into their desire to die and parents sacraficing their children to die to become martyrs....now...no surprise that martyrs families also get gvt benefits once the child is killed...so once again, welfare incentives...sacrafice your child for gub'ment goodies. Also, Hezbollah and Hamas say exactly the same thing to Israel. So when Israel assassinates a Hamas member or a Hezbollah member, they fulfill their promise of killing any or as many Israelis (or attempting to) because of prior proposal. All lives matter....if they happen to be hamas or civilian or otherwise. So that's how you keep the circle of death in perpetual motion. I mean they have been at war for 60 years, that should be proof enough that this isn't working, no? You do'nt think Arabs abuse their children? I do a lot here in Israel to bridge the gap between Isralis and Palestinians and put responsibility where it is due but OMG.... the treatment of children among the Arabs is terrible. You get an occassional success story but overall, it's terrible. Many are polygomous and the children are barely cared for, especially the Beduin population. Please don't mistake Arabs/muslims/Persians in the United States for those still inthe Middle East. I think unfortunatley, those who have made it to the US/Europe have created a brain-drain in their motherlands. Pretty much every Arab/Muslim I have spoken to about personal things, whether in Israel or outside in other Middle Eastern nations have suffered physical, verbal or sexual abuse. This is not just an 'Israeli' Problem. To credit within Israel (I will never give their gub'ment credit, rather then individuals), it is more acceptable to use more peaceful parenting tactics. Again, you have to have enough empathy and not be afraid to put responsiblity where it's due as much on Israelis as Arabs as well. Arabs/Muslims are not as easy to reform in terms of parenting. They have a VERY tight nit culture, even if not religious. It's VERY honor based as well... so you have to have some understanding of the hurdles to climb rather than just blame one side because then you are carelessly solving only half of the problem. Even the Arabs who break from their tribe, usually ran away from Palestine or other countries to be in Israel to escape political or familial persecution. That deserves some empathy and credit and condemnation on those other nations and familial pacts.

I agree that this is a deal breaker. I have told her he committed FRAUD to her since he was not fully forthcoming with the information before the marriage or after. And even after, he still continued to lie. I told her to be prepared to be a single mother because since this is his 2nd offense (and they found marijuana plants in their house) that he will spend time in jail. She and even he is fully aware of the typical treatment 'his kind' receive in jail by other inmates. He fears he will be killed. I told her that is a very likely possibility and she needs to sit and absorb that. She worried me because her tone was very detached when we discussed this. To be 'fair' she was about to enter a holiday lunch with her girlfriends and was with her son so I can understand it was NOT the appropriate time for her to sit and think about it but next time we chat I want to make sure she comes to terms with this. I don't want to make the decision for her but I am trying my best to show her that divorce or possibly annulment ( i know that's silly since they have kids but I feel this would be a case where it would be appropriate) is the answer in this situation. He was fraudulant and she keeps talking about getting back to normal. I told her there is no more normal that you previously recognized. That's over, gone, vanished. There is only a new normal that is either how to manage your new husband with your new problems or the new normal with being a single mother and the husband in jail or dead or out of the picture. The life you knew before was a fantasy and you can never return to it. It no longer exists. her parents are trying to support him since he has absolutely no one but the rest of her family are distant and cut off ties with him. Her brother in law (sister's hubby) was abused by a relative so clearly he wants nothing to do with this guy. I told her too that she must prepare for those things. If she deicides to ride this out (god I hope not!) she will put a terrible wedge between her and her family and her family has been very loving and supportive and it would be a shame to put up with this creep at the cost of cutting out her more supportive, caring, honest family. My husband agrees that she should divorce and sue for fraud. I would strip him of any legality of my children. My friend has always seen me as the emotional extremists yet she comes to me with all of her problems. So I explain to her that she comes to me because I have a fairly good track record of keeping sociopaths away from me because I am VERY clear with who I am so they stay away. But she doesn't have the guts to be like that as she puts it. I also keep railing her that 'how BAD does it have to get to 'be that extreme'?" She struggles with this question. I told her this is almost the worst. The worst is him actually going out and finding a young girl...so with that possibility, you are put a LOT on this bet. She is considering divorce but right now trying to take it day by day. Which again, I agree with. If she divorces, I want her to be in a clear state of mind. He is already dead to me. I haven't said that to her but will eventually. This guy defrauded my friend and because of that created 2 children who now have to live either with a dad in jail, a dead dad who was in jail, a dad they have some connection with but who is a sex offender, or, or, or. I will never forgive him, even if she does. She does have a history of bad men which I helped her realize for herself over the years, however, I didn't realize how much she relied on me because I was already overseas when she chose this one. I pressed her on the red flags but again, much harder to make an impact being so far away and not always talking in 'real time'. (email, voice messages, etc) However I pressed her again on this pattern and her mother's pattern (marrying an alcoholic) and she shared that her mother has finally opened up about her personal experience with her husband's (my friend's dad) alcoholism. My friend was blown away. I told her that's great that her mother finally shared her experience but it probably would have helped more if she shared them much earlier on. My friend agreed. She now is reeling back and finally seeing the pattern in her choice of men. So she knows this is a core subject to sort out with a therapist. Thank you again for your therapy suggestion. I already emailed her the link.

I too felt uneasy about the polygraph. And the investigator even admitted that the questions were very one-tracked. That had only to do about touching, not if he got aroused looking. I don't say that as a way to differentiate the evil of it but it made me think of the famous Subway guy, Jared. If I recall (and I might be forgetting or missing vital facts, so I apologize) but didn't it start out as his friend or agent supplying him with images and then later finding young girls? I just keep stressing to my friend to find out the risks of 'looking' turning into touching or soliciting. In any case, thank you very much for your suggestion. I will pass this along. I know she was looking for a therapist and then the holidays came along so I don't think she has had a chance to actually go to an appointment but I will follow up with her after the holiday buzz calms down when I know she will have more information to share. Thank you again!

Great. So I hope I can help. If you are open to methods that work. I would like to know if you have any credibility on anything in your current circle (friends/family). What I mean is, does anyone in your circle come to you for advice on anything....doesn't even have to be philosophical in nature. I'm asking for the purpose of helping to but need to map out how your peers perceive you. And I thought about doing this as a private message but if you don't mind it might be useful for others to see as it might help them as well. So we'll take it step by step to get you closer to a more effective/credible communicator so you can achieve more satisfaction in those or other relationships and with women. Utopia, You seem young. Maybe I am wrong but for what it's worth this is very real psychology and human nature that you have got to somehow absorb. People, whether they are aware of their enslavement or not do not like to be aware of their enslavement. I am fully aware of my enslavement and I HATE it. I find more constructive ways to loosen the chains. one is by talking about it. To others, that feels like tightening the grip even more. So you HAVE to have empathy on their experience of their enslavement in order to be able to save them. I cannot stress that enough. Otherwise they will perceive your philosophy as a threat and as the real enslaving mechanism and then you are just working against yourself. Let that sink in because it's all too real. People deep down are aware of their enslavement and they ignore it or deny it as a way to take out the sting because they have not been allowed or shown a different way to handle the reality. This is where you can be a wonderful and positive asset. It doesn't mean we will be able to set ourselves free but we can live with a confident truth and not a shameful denial. But again, approach is everything. I mean it... if you don't take the time to know and empathize with the emotional barriers of the people you are trying to save and release and enlighten, you become a threat to them and to yourself. It's the intellectual equivilent of the US trying to 'free' Iraqis with bombs and genetic malformations and torture. That's how Iraqis perceive 'democracy' and no wonder they resist it. So coming in with those types of air assaults on your peers is the same thing and why they are resistant. And you are lacking philosophy by even avoiding or refusing to see or empathize with that. You resent them for it. That is no more useful than a slave beating down another slave for the 'moral crime' of not admitting everyday of their life that he is a slave. So just as much as they lack awareness in truth, you have more of it but you are still lacking and you are blaming them for the result. That's not fair to them or to you or to the rest of us slaves. Nothing you described in that is Love. You can call it that but you are just highjacking the name for your own emotional protection. Sneaking in philosphy, etc. gross. I'm all about spreading philosophy but with people's active participation. I mean if you can intellectually ruffee someone, then we can't complain of the gub'ment indoctrinating us. maybe be a gub'ment teacher if that's the name of your game at least 'legally' intellectually ruffee people with some sort of philosophy to increase the odds of it getting through to the students but yeah.... nothing you explained has anything to do with love. Stop calling it that. you have a bad habit of using words with clear definitions and using them to fit your own twisted definition. That's a Marxists tactic and needs to stop. Call things by their real names is the path to wisdom. Feel free to use that tactic with your ghosts but clean it up on the philosophy community please.

If you found a better way to communicate with others, this 'general population' that would bring more validation to spreading philosophy, would you adapt that method? Meaning, clearly the method now isn't working. It cannot be EVERYONE else is the problem because many of us here have had success in others hearing us out. It's not a huge percentage of people but more than I would expect, given the controversial topics and perspectives I and others bring up. I was able to bring an Egyptian who still lives in Egypt, has never been outside of Egypt up to snuff about the Federal Reserve and it's impact on US policy and global policy. My mom has low IQ and was able to slightly open her up about her abusive/neglectful parenting and it's impact on our cold relationship of current. It's like they say...if you can't identify the crazy person on the bus, it's you. So by you saying, 'my expectations are too high for the general population'..it sounds like you are taking responsibility but you are still not. There are a lot of dumb, blind, ignorant, biased people out there. It's just something you get used to. Having high expectations isn't the issue. It's using intelligence of knowing how to speak about complicated, ingrained, indoctrinated issues to people on their level without startling them. And...sometimes it's good to startle them. You seem to have not found or experimented a whole lot with your approach and it seems you are clouding the reason to be because of philosophy but in fact it's to keep a girl and nothing more. it's not deep but you try to build efficacy around your reason to make it appear deep and thought out. You want the girl, you know she's not a good match for you but you want her anyway. Fine. You will earn more respect by at least being bold faced honest about it. So I say, be honest with yourself. You say a lot of words to build a facade and to mask that you just want to keep this girl no questions ask. You want to cheat on her with 'philosophy' on the side. you will hide philosophy under your bed like a dirty porn you don't want your mom to find. You will say you are going out for milk but instead go down the dark alley to meet up with philosophy. Just be honest about it. I'm pushing back on the point about using ineffective methods because either: 1. Either your method is stellar but the people are of such low IQ that it makes me question your IQ thinking you can make debilitatingly low IQ people smarter to any significant degree. 2. Either your method is off a smudge and are unwilling to consider that point 3. Either your IQ is low and you are suffering from the Dunning Kruger effect. 4. Either their IQ is at a level that makes them functional beings but your method is off. 5. Either your method is stellar but you are surrounded by narcissists which makes me question your IQ if you don't realize that narcissists don't care what you think and yet you still try to expect them to care what you think and you blame yourself for having 'high expectations for the narcissists around you'. 6. It might be possible you come of incredibly condescending to those around you of whom you want to change and enlighten and repel them, making you feel intellectually superior, however exposing a gap in intellect for not recognizing and humbling yourself to speak your intelligence on their level. Like a Neil DeGrasse Tyson....incredibly intelligent...can unpack highly complex things and concepts, repackage and deliver it to the average dumb dumb like myself to pique my interest and broaden my understanding of something I have absolutely no clue in. So your simple comment of 'my expectations....of the general population' is a very condescending, self elevating view of yourself and is exactly why you cannot connect to people and why I ask if you even want to? You complain you cannot but you just need to make such minor adjustments in delivery of the info and communcation which makes me wonder if you want the results you claim to seek. So, I ask . If you are shown a method to communicate effectively with people about things you care about, the Federal Reserve or philosophical matters, would you use them if you knew they would work? Do you actually WANT the results of people caring about the Federal Reserve or deeper matters? It's a simple yes or no.

It's not the first post that talks about this and each subsequent time they do post, nothing changes. No quest for therapy, no changing environment. the user is just repeating the same thing. He dislikes the people in his life, unwilling to disconnect. He tries to englighten ghosts, blames philosophy. And the pattern repeats. He tells philosophy community he dislikes this approach but remains in the community, but unwilling to engage, and so on and so forth. You can tell because he never gives specifics. It's just foggy, unclear analogies and phrases like 'I play with women'. I have ideas of what that means but none of us really knows and when you actively seek out specific clarity, the ghost vanishes. And we are left here philosophizing among ourselves as if there was a ghost in the room. It's absurd. The first time I saw this user post I also noted it was a cry for help and I engaged. I'm sure there are other similar posts by the user that I haven't stumbled upon but this is not the first time. Many of us have put in heartfelt responses and compassion and empathy and creative thinking and helpful suggestions and it's the same thing wrapped up in a different cry for help and the user disengages. There are other people crying for help and actually willing to engage and examine themselves and participate in a mutual path of truth and healing towards a more fulfilling life. That's where I have chosen to spend my time and wish this user well, with all sincerity. He repeats he's happier, I want him to be accurate with his words. If I stop doing drugs and still want to hang around drug dealers, those who push me away from the drug dealers are the virtuous ones. So pushing this bird out of the nest will move him closer to what he has admitted he wants. It's probably not the best for him but each bird must fly on their own. We can teach them but can't do it for them. The pattern I see (from this and other posts of this user) is that they complain about everything around them but don't really list out what they have done. other than 'i talk and people don't want to'. But the user is not willing to examine or go into depth about the approach in order to see if a more efficient approach might be helpful. It's cruel to tap into people's emotions and sympathy without committing to the conversation. It's emotional dumping and it's cruel. Fool me once...shame on you...fool me twice, shame on me. There is enough evidence on this board and site of conversations from the 'church of philosophy' willing to engage, reaching out, trying to help, trying to understand, showing what virtue is, trying to invest in this user and he complains that it's making him unhappy and the fact that he has people next to him not willing to invest, that ignore his feelings or can't even see his inner turmoil, and that makes him unhappy. He wants the ghosts to be enlightened and the enlightened to be ghosts. When you speak with ghosts, it's hard to let the enlightened ones in. It actively repels them but he wants his ghosts and to find a good woman. Irrational expectations and refusing to view reality and accept reality. Let him go.... his life of temporary blindness won't last forever, it's unsustainable and he will be back with better perspective or double down and live the rest of is life in regret that he chose the immediate gratification than the prize of restropective glasses as the end of his life looking back that the temporary pain was worth avoiding the lifetime of B.S. Just beware RoseCodex. I met my quote of a whopping 2 up votes today. lol But very well said. all on point!

Ask those people before they die how happy they were. Are they happy or are they an illusion of happiness. I am burdened by the truth, isolated by the truth and I am genuinely happy and feel free and live my life without having to please those around me to give an illusion of happiness. People quietly approach me and tell me 'I wish I could live like that'. 'you seem so happy....what's your secret?' 'You are so far from your family, how can you be so happy?' Stop using the word happy in what you describe. You choose to be drugged, numbed, invisible, fake, complacent, apathetic, ...any other word that accurately describes knowingly living in a lie, other than happy. Because I live in truth, I challenge people around me, my family, my community, my friends, which puts them at a distance and those who are real and loyal stay close to me, my children are amazing, and I have never experienced so much authentic happiness in my life because I know who is on my side and who is in a lie with themselves and who is against me and life is so much easier to manage when people can show their true selves. So you do not deserve to ruin that word with what you describe. Find your own word. You only use the word happy to shield your self shame. Sorry...the word happy is taken. I get it, it's easier to leave after you desecrated what you found useful prior.

It seems like you haven't found philosophy at all. If all philosophy to you is, 'talking about the Fed, talking about people's personal problems' then you are using philosophy as an excuse for your fears of living life. Of COURSE people don't want to talk about the Federal Reserve. You and I cannot change the Federal Reserve even if we know the truth about it. We CAN change the people around us, ourselves and choose who is around us. But you admitted you don't want to make that investment. Totally fine. Don't but then stop blaming philosophy. Because see.... I get it. you have to tear it down so you feel better leaving. You don't have any strong arguments against it and admit it helped you but when it didn't do ALL The work for you, it was of no use to you. Ok. cool. carry on. But take responsibility and go. Don't just talk about going..actually go...live in the matrix if that makes you happy. But to make post after post about how you will be much happier in the matrix but you hang in the 'church' of philosophy as you put it, doesn't put much credibility to your words. I'm not Jewish and don't believe in religion but I don't go to the local synagogue and tell them how they are wrong and they helped me a time ago but now I realize how they are stuck and I am free and will be happy outside of the synagogue and bla bla bla. It gets to a point where my own words will negate what I am saying by my own actions. Leave the church of philosophy dude. BE HAPPY! please. I say that with sincerity. I use philosophy every day of my life and even I don't want to talk about the Federal Reserve most of the time because so much more impacts my life in front of my face than that greed-machine called the Fed. Focusing on external causes of the world's problems IS what is pushing you away...not philosphy. Meaning, if you come to me and want to talk about the Fed it means you are not interested in getting to know about me. Now if you do want to get to know me and you push to know my problems, it shows you haven't put the investment in to build trust and a relationship to earn my dark corners of my existence and pains of my exitence. MOST people don't want to talk about that stuff. That's why it's held tight and must be earned and trusted. You are only revealing how you are failing at these approaches and doing away with philosophy rather than examining if your approach is ineffective. I use to try to wake people up with really bad approaches but I knew the truth was the truth and had to admit that I was the problem. Not the information and not the other people. Talk to yourself in the mirror about the Fed and see if even you would want to talk to you. you even admitted that you 'play' with women with no serious investment. Stop blaming philosophy for that. You chose to not put in the investment in your relationships and you got out as much or as little as you invested or didn't invest. Philosophy has the answers but you have to put them to work. But, I feel Deja Vu. I think you posted something a time ago about being a ghost and it's the same sob story and people, such as myself and others, put our empathy and time out there to help and you are stuck in this loop. So.... go. If philosophy is of no use, then go and be around the happy people. It's ok to 'say goodbye' to philosophy but then you really have to go. It's like a cocaine junkie who kicked the habit and still hangs around the street corner where people are buying crack. Give us a real example of how you approach women or people in general when you are trying to establish connection and let's see if it's error of philosophy or just user error. .

Thank you Thank you for everything. I will admit and apologize that I was a bit defensive and 'rushed'. But after I had calmed down which was after I had a voice-to-voice chat with my friend, I did refer to your words and proper semantics! It hit her deep and she got defensive but she got it in the end. So it was helpful, thank you and thank you for your patience in my rush and defensiveness. I think my mind was on one track....to find therapy suggestions...that I closed myself off to peripheral suggestions as well and I greatly appreciate you being patient with me and not taking it personally. Your approach was great and I am glad you didn't shy away, thank you for staying firm so it finally got through to me. It was all perfect!

define "bad". Morally bad? Practically bad? What do you mean by "bad"? It's 'bad' because it's a logical fallacy. it's 'bad' because there is empirical evidence that it doesn't work and only produces more stone-age ICBMs. In the immediate you solve that particular stone age version of ICBM. But there is evidence out there that this doesn't work and I will explain why in the end. As I mentioned above, I live in Israel. I don't give a S*** who started what first but let's start with an example from 1979 that has now boomeranged until today. In 1979, A Lebanonese man, snuck into Israel and killed a family...crushed in their skulls. The youngest victim was 3 years old. Maybe he had valid grievence against the Israeli gvt and aggressed against a family among the citizens. Maybe he can claim that since the father was part of the military, he felt he needed to kill the entire family. I don't know what the excuse was. The man was captured and released in an prisoner exchange of which Lebanon exchanged 2 dead Israeli bodies for this murderer. With me so far? Fast forward, this man was a hero in his country, especially among Hezbollah. Israel bombed this man and his entire family recently. Now, Hezbollah is bombing Northern Israel as of 2 days ago. Now, what's been resolved? Are his grievences against the Israeli gvt even close to being resolved? Are Israelis grievences of how Lebanon handles its affairs even close to being resolved. No and No. Are is the world fewer stone-age ICBMs? no. It's a game of whack-a-mole that lasts for DECADES....generations. Has either side been 'scared' into obedience and non-violence? lol no... Keep in mind too that even Israeli history comes from a Communist background and the Islamic states from a theocracy. So I get that at times people only respond to violence but it doesn't have to be that way. So, for the R-gene type that want instant gratification, this is wonderful and referred to as 'success'. But history will show, this will begin and has begun revenge killing. You mentioned it's becauase they raise them to be stone-age.... so how does bombing help that? It actually increases more stone-age people because of the trauma and lack of prosperity and opportunity when their town barely has running water. I'd rather people behave because they have been spared of trauma or had proper help and have been introduced to alternative ways to raise children rather than make people so desperate to survive that it's more important they hunt for clean water than continue battling their causes. Because once they can survive...you have only bought time for them to come back with revenge and again, you have not solved the root of the issue. You have to find out WHY they are raising children to be like this and stop it from the source. I speak to many middle easterns who are students. that way I have years to talk with them BEFORE they choose a mate and have children. I prepare them for challenges they will have when going against their parents' 'ways' of child raising. I have been in contact with a student in Egypt for almost 3 years now about these topics. It has changed his life and he is already talking with his parents so it all doesn't come as a shock later on. So I'm sorry....returning stone-age methods with stone-age methods thinking you are achieving any real change AND even worse...thinking you have the moral and intellectual high ground with this method is silly. I'm going to condemn killing families because that's bad and doesn't achieve anything, therefore I will stop that bad act by killing families. The principles is self-imploding, therefore false. Just like the gvt claims to protect property rights It's getting people to 'behave' based on a win-lose scenario which has been the theme of the game for as long as governments have been around and how is that working out exactly? Peaceful parenting. It won't stop every single psychopath all at once immediately but it is working. Even in the middle east, you just have to open your eyes and venture out...use the internet to connect with these people. If you haven't at least used the internet to find middle eastern people (I can refer you to some wonderful sites/pages) and have a civil discussion and be curious then you too can't argue that killing their entire family is the only real answer. You haven't even tried to ration or reason or introduce peaceful parenting to these people. This whole mentality reminds me of a local kid here. his entire family is shunned because the parents are abusive. We all have tried our best to nurture their children and show them better ways but at the end of the day the boy has to live under his father's roof. It's sad. BUt the boy is a wild mess. EXTREMELY violent. It's out of control. So, as hard as it is to shun the children, we have to. The parents do not respond to anything but aggression which most of us refuse to engage in (pig in mud metaphor). But, even when the child lashes out at other children and adults (yes...he's 8 and tries to punch adults as well as children), most of us stil use a calm but asstertive tone with him. We don't shout or act aggressively. We do try to detain him in a calm but firm way. His father shouts, doesn't make eye contact, pulls him, pushes him. So if we also resorted to that, we are lowering ourselves to the father's methods which are part of this problem. So we are only making the problem worse if we behave like the father towards his child. Now, when we act calm but assertive, the boy won't immediately calm down (because he hasn't been taught the tools) BUT he is experiencing over and over by many people that there is another way to resolve disputes and disagree. Again, the goal, we understand, won't change him in a minute....but he will always have this experience. Right now he is dependent on his screwed up mother and father but once he's out on his own he will have to face the fact of how terrible his parents are and how it ruined his childhood BUT that there was an entire community who was compassionate and still tried to help him in a loving way. When a few people DO shout at him aggressively I tell them, "he hears enough shouting at home, at least try to share your anger calmly" and they do...because they understand how much abuse this boy gets that he HAS to see the world really isn't like that. So extrapolate that into other problem-solving issues when dealing with human behavior.

Much of what I stated was stated with berevity, including the choice of words I used, since I am focusing much of my time trying to help my friend over the phone with a 7 hour time difference and raising my kids and working and she is as well. So I do appreciate your feedback but it seems to be arguments of semantics. As I agree and have communicated with her that the children have already been exploited in order for the porn to be consumed in the first place. And I re-read my original statement about how he passed the poly and he doesn't get aroused by touching children, etc.... and that's a 'good sign'. Those are her words. Sorry...I didn't make that clear. I agree that he STILL poses a threat even by consuming this filth and what I am trying to get my friend to understand that she cannot split hairs on this issue. The children have already been raped/abused/exploited for this to be available for consumption, thus creating a demand which traps the children already in it and puts more children at risk. My friends is going back and forth between total disgust and false dichomities like, "I don't want to see him as a horrible monster". That is why she needs professional help NOW and I am doing what I can to snap her out of this cognitive dissonance as much as possible. I posted this in hopes to get useful feedback of other types of therapies that might be able to fit their situation, rather than discuss what we would or wouldn't call things. I too am deeply disturbed by this. She updated me that her son is with her parents for now so she can have a calm and relaxed mind while speaking to her husband about this without having a small child as a distraction or witness it and to keep him away from the father because we and she recognizes that even if the plolygraph came up 'clean'....she is still not comfortable with her son around him, which I support her decision in that. He has some skeletons and I need to prepare her to let them out so she knows what she's dealing with and where to go from there. This is the most f'd up thing I have ever encountered and feel uprepared myself and why I am pushing her to get to a therapist (both of them) now.

Ok, I updated her and am still helping her find other avenues of therapy that might suit them. I will fill in the blanks only for the purpose to see if there are other suggested avenues that would be suitable. I am still in shock and cannot imagine what my friend is going through. We are 6000 miles away from each other and 7 hours apart and hate that we cannot speak directly and spontaneously as much as we would like. I will brush over some of the details as a lot of missed 'red flags' from the past are now becoming quite obvious. I pushed back on them at the time but he's not my husband and she didn't push back hard enough apparently. Anyway, the husband was in the Navy. He had a higher ranking position than others, but wasn't top level or anything. according to him, he gave his security clearance 'key' to some of his subordinates in circumstances involving access to the internet. He was charged with child pornography and kicked out. He claimed that it was one of his subordinates and that he took the fall for it because cases like those don't get very far in the military and he would be punished anyway since he gave his security access to lower ranks etc bla bla bla. I was already over seas when they met but when she told me this I pushed back. I told her that sounds sufficient but there are still holes in the story. I was only starting in the world of philosophy and FDR at the time and god how I wish I knew as much as I know now. But I told her to follow up on this story because that's a serious 'fall' to take for something he claims he didn't do. I mean, stealing a candy bar and paying a fine...sure, but being charged as a child sex predator for 'bureaucratic convenience' seems a bit far fetched. She took my warning but not much came up and I took that as a sign as everything checking out in the end. They got married, now have a son who is just over a year and she is pregnant with the second. He was married before. My friend was aware of this. But small things would comeup that were sort of disasterous or cumbersome and only then he would 'come clean'. It's like he has this habit of ommission rather than being forthcoming. He doesn't outright lie, he just omits and my friend is like shooting in the dark trying to ask questions to see if she is missing something. So, the other day a swarm of cops came to their house to raid it and take their electronics. She was blindsided. Apparently, he left out that he was actually registered as a sex offender. I guess that seems obvious now but he made it seem like the military made a deal that if he agreed to get booted out, nothing more would be done. he would lose his benefits, etc and the military will keep a clear reputation of sorts and avoid an embarrassing trial for both parties. That's his representation of it. But now, on of the investigators told her that he is a registered sex offender and he has to report to her (the investigator) in person once a year. So that also means he is being tracked. He uses some anonymous router device, which many people do but it makes sense now why he uses it. :-( They found that he visited child porn sites AND saved them on an external saving device (maybe like a memory stick of sorts?) That was crucial to their case because he claimed to them that because he uses this open wi fi, anonymous router device that anyone could plug into their IP which means if they looked at child porn, it would show up as HIS IP address. seems legit and sufficent, right...but of course to save it on the external device like a memory stick means he physially has to do that which pinned him for the crime. He took a plolygraph test and passed. He doesn't seem to pose a threat in terms of getting aroused around children or while playing with children, etc, so I guess that's a good sign. Most of his viewings were of young girls. I guess the investigation will take months, sifting through his electronic history to see if he will be charged with anything. My friend is devastated, emotional and going back and forth between trying to be realistic and rational and in total denial. She has had a history of falling for cheap lines from men in the past that I have done my best to help her avoid and overcome. But seems this one slipped through and why I hate being so far from her. I've told her she needs therapy just for the good of it because her father was an alcoholic and was arrested on her 16th birthday and I know that has put her in a 'groundhog's day of sorts which she has ovecome to some degree but she needs a professional to sort through some of these deep layers of pain and trauma and mistrust. So for now he is free until further notice. I told her he needs immediate therapy for his fetish to get to the root and you both need therapy for your marriage. and it won't hurt if she also got individual help as she minimalizes these red flags as i am sure was imprinted on her by her mother missing or ignoring the father's red flags of alcoholism. That's what I know as of now of the situation. I am sharing as much philosophy and Socratic reasoning with her but professional intervention is an absolute must. She needs to think what this means when her children start school in a few years. Howdoes a registered sex offender need to operate if they are one of the parents?! That won't be easy on them, especialy the kids. I told he she will be judged and the kids will be judged for this and they had no part in it. They have to overcome it now before it also catches them out of the blue. I was pretty frank with her, gave her encouragement where I saw it, of course, but I had to light the fire in her belly because she is someone that can easily put on those rosey lenses.

Thank you all very much. they need an actual therapist ASAP. They are not 'philosophcially' inclined that as great as this group is....they are in a 'emotional heart attack' and need emergency help by a therapist. I think once they get that sorted out they can use this group to maintain and expand their enlightenment. I have been trying to use what I know and guide them here with little success. Some people are determined to learn the hard way I guess. Thank you all very very much!

Hi friends. My friend called me with some devastating revelations about her husband. He and she need immediate therapy (they needed it before, obviously). I remember a few people on the show and even Stefan recommending a particular therapy (it goes by an acronym) that gets into past patterns of the family members (parents/grandparents) etc. Does anyone know what the acronym or the name of this therapy method is? I cannot remember for the life of me! A million thanks!!

Thank you for sharing. Hey, I know when we become aware of our blindspots, it takes courage to admit there was a blindspot to begin with so..kudos! and, we look back like, 'how in the world did I not see that?! and for me, sometimes it brings self-shame or embarassment but, don't dwell on that, that just shows how crafty those around us or raising us were at keeping that blind spot hidden. But you found it or it found you. Very well done. Coincidentally I too hit a blind spot last night. I'll briefly run through the domino effect that brought me to this. Our dog literally ate my son's homework. lol My son was terrified to go to school with a shredded book. So the following days of vacation before they returned to school, we talked about it and did more role playing. I then asked him, what do you think she will do? What's the worst case scenario. He kept responding, 'i don't know, I don't know'. I told him it's natural to fear what we dont' know but, she isn't a stranger and I am sure other kids have come to her with problems and she must have a few but predictable ways that she responds to problems. My son wouldn't budge. He was sure this was the end of the world. So, I posed some options from exaggerated to more reasonable outcomes. I asked him if he thinks she will make him sit outside. He said no. Then I went to the other extreme, I asked him if he thinks she will hit him. He immediately said no. I told him, correct. Not only is she not a violent or aggressive person but she would get into a lot of trouble doing that and she is smart. I don't think she would want to go to jail for hitting you just because of a torn up book. He agreed and there were a few moments of silence. Then he says, "Mommy, your mommy hit you, why didn't she go to jail." THUD! I have spoken to my kids about how I was raised but my 'blindspot' never put punishment on my mom. It was more of a 'it happened like this, I don't agree with it, this is how I choose to raise you , these are the principles, etc" I simply told him, 'I don't know. I have no idea why or how she didn't go to jail for hitting me." AFter I said it, it threw me back into a painful moment and I couldn't stay present in the conversation. Now that I had time to reflect, I will revisit that conversation with him and explain exactly why she didn't go to jail, because society doesn't interfere and children had no power in my household, etc. It seems so obvious to me now on approaching it with this angle and feel so silly for missing it but I guess it just took my son to connect the dots himself, which is pretty damn amazing. So enjoy having one less blindspot in your life. We always discover more and more and it's painful that they are revealed it's also VERY liberating.