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WHat came to mind was drinking culture among college campuses and thereafter. I went to a prominent University and the drinking culture there is horrifying, as many other universities. . I'm not proud to say that I got wrapped up in those behaviors and looking back I am horrified how destructive it is. It still continues or is getting worse. What I also noticed is that many who graduate after college, regardless of how long after, still carry on this behavior. Maybe not as often but it's as if that really was the 'best time of their life' and they try to relive it in their 'adult' life.

But we do hold drunk drivers responsible, even if they don't remember 'getting into the car'. Sleep is a vital necessity for humans. drinking alcohol is not, that is why sleep walkers are not held responsible for their acts during their sleep walking episodes. Because sleep is like a 'bodily function'. drinking alcohol is a choice. Ace the Versatile, I think you have to look at this one step before. If I know drinking impairs my judgement and I drink anyway, then I am voluntarily increasing my risk of bodily harm or doing harm to others based on bad choices. I agree with rottenx51 that then it falls on personal liability and responsibility. So both parties are aware that drinking impairs judgement and good decision making. So even if they regret their consent after the sex act...they are still reponsible for voluntarily putting themselves in a compromising position. Now that is not to 'blame the victim' but if they even give drunk consent....that is their responsibility to bear. but raping each other? just seems like a logical fallacy (maybe I'm wrong) but to rape is to have sex by force without consent. So if I force sex on you while you are simultaneously forcing on me it means we BOTH want sex and if we both want it, then it's not rape and if we both want it, then force is not necessary. If force is not necessary, then it's not rape. This seems tricky but shouldn't be. Even if the sober person on the other end knows your are drunk or if they do not know you are drunk, you gave consent. I think we always need to come with the approach that we voluntarily take mind-altering substances. And once that line is crossed, we fully accept that it impairs good decision making, judgement and behavior, etc. So whatever comes of it IS the responsiblity of that person. That means....they might be in a position where a sober person would take advantage. That doesn't make the sober person correct or right by any means and should be held responsible as well. It's pretty gross for a sober person to take any type of advantage over a drunk person but in my mind, drunk consent is consent and should be a recourse to be more careful while drinking. This might be a stretch but it's like when I get into my car, I have no way of knowing if any of the other drivers are drunk or not. We go out there with this sort of 'social agreement' that we will all follow the rules of the road. Because someone is drunk, does that mean the 'social contract' of following the road rules doesn't apply to them or actually exempts them. no....it means it's applied even more seriously to them as they already broke the 'social contract or agreement' by getting into the car drunk in the first place. So if we follow this logic, a contract could be void if the person isn't in a clear state of mind but again....they choose to enter the situation with an impaired mind and my guts tells me we have to hold that person accountable for their actions. They voluntarily chose to drink knowing it can impair them. They voluntarily chose to drink to a level that they may black out, etc. Of course they may regret it later but that doesn't relieve them of their responsibility and liability. Now, once they come to and feel regret, they can maturely approach the other person to try to reverse any of the bad decision (cancel the contract etc). Obviously if it involves sex...there is not much reversal that can be done. It makes the sober people in those scenarios sleeze-bags of course.

You know, it's a very good point and if I may add another angle to this perspective. I know a few people who were heavy into drugs and partying and reckless behavior and just did everything 'to the extreme'....work for greedy motives, not for purpose/pleasure etc. They have what's commonly referred to as 'addictive behavior'. And that doesn't mean just with drugs, etc. i've lost touch with these people (as I was only acquaintences of them anyway) and have since learned (after several years of non contact) that they are now religious. But not just simple religious people but like to the extreme religious. This ranges from Christianity to Judiasm...so it didn't matter which faith the person 'found' themselves in, they took it to the 'addictive' extreme degree which just repeated the pattern. Now, to be fair, I will say the religion probably saved their lives and I know they full heartedly believe that and why they want to devote their life to it but I still see it as a coping mechanism as you suggested and simply another addiction because they have not gotten to the root of their behavior tendecies. If they left the drug life and organized themselves and got help and became self aware and still became religious, I doubt they would be EXTREMELY religious but the fact that they didn't make any new discoveries about themselves other than drugs will kill them, they just replaced it with other 'feel good' vices that consumes their time/life, called religion.

Stefan would as, "if she was an elderly Chinese man, would your 'interest' be equally as intense in your conversations?" If no....then you are in lust and need to not only dig into deeper conversations but know how to read the answers and filter. And if she isn't taking interest or empathy in your past..... then that is not a good sign. Also, if you know there is abuse and she left abruptly and has not tried to seek out professional help (even if chariatable help/therapy, etc) then you run the risk of enabling any issues she has (or you have if you had similar experiences) OR... the person you know and care for today will not the be the person you know and care for in the future if she does finally get the mental/emotional help she needs. So you will either hold her back (unless you also get the help you need based on your past) or she will outgrow you if she gets help and you do not. What do you mean by courageous? She likes to skydive, etc...a thrillseeker or is morally courageous? There is a big difference. I can understand bonding over a bad past but don't count that as a plus....please. that's a red flag for both of you. It's like....heroin addicts can also bond over their overdose stories but it doesn't make them a loving, virtuous, compatable couple. Stefan spoke a few things about this that helped me put some pieces together for my disaterous past of relationships (now happily married for 13 years with 2 amazing kids...peaceful parenting, etc) is that 'clicking' based on our traumas...which happens and we usually don't recognize is, it quite toxic. Sometimes that 'close' feeling is the familiar feeling of abuse and should not seek refuge in that feeling. She speaks the language of abuse, you speak the language of a abuse and it feels 'compatible'. not good. I'm not saying she is a bad person and doesn't care for you and vice versa, it's just that be VERY careful. If you remove the point that you both can bond over a bad past (which you should be sharing that with a professional more than each other) then what is left....anything of virtue? Are you looking for virtue? If so, none of the 'good' qualities you listed are actual virtues. Ask yourself which virtues are you after, give yourself a 'scale' to measure so you can more easily identify them rather than after-the-fact shoehorn in 'good qualities', if that makes sense. Is she honest? I mean you say impulsive, made bad relationship decisions and mix that with living 2 hours away....can you trust her? You didn't mention any of these types of virtues. Trustworthy, Honest, etc. What I learned (sorry to sound like an old timer) is that if she cannot respect herself (body without careless overconsumption or risky behavior) then how in the world can she be a balancing 'better' half for you? She is barely looking out for herself. So either you will have to do that, to which you will enable her or you will 'rescue' her to which is contemptful as she will not learn the necessary skills to grow and improve on her own or take the necessary steps to better health (mental/emotional) or she won't be looking out for your well being as she doesn't even know how to recognized or control her own impulses....not good for you. Neither of you should be rescuing one another. There is a difference between support and taking the burden for someone you think you care about. Once I did this, my hubby was EASY to spot. Rather than seraching for 'good guys'...whatever that meant, I simply wrote out virtuous qualities that I want in a man. There was lust...that's impossible to avoid but you quickly can filter if they are virtuous, balanced, etc and be more honest with yourself. Everyone wants to be a good parents....even the ones who abuse. My mom still thinks she's a great mother and she was horrible! they simply justify their abuse as good parenting. So be clear (with each other) what that means. No one will ever say, "I want to be a horrible parent". Hope those are points that can help you assess effectively and clearly.

I made it to 1:31.... I can't. I don't have the stomach for this. sorry guys, I tried. lol I had to stop shortly after I heard 'most Americans are socialists anyway'. SO LEFISTS to simply tag a word to any definition they want. ewwwwww... ewwwww..ewww.... The conversation I have regarding this miguided myth (when people say Jesus was a socialist) is. there IS a difference with wanting a voluntary method of equal opportunity etc. Charity etc. But jesus, last I read was not a politician or part of some gvt entity. So yes.... people are naturally 'socialistic' by those definitions but not by the definition of they need a state to help others. When I use the argument provided by Stefan "you either want equal opportunity while accepting unequal results or you want unequal opportunity while accepting equal results" peoples' heads explode and then they shut up about their Bernie bumper sticker arguments.

"your news and gossip delivered fresh" should be a clue this is satire

I wanted to vote 'Up" Frosty but seems I met my daily limit but well done on your rebuttal. The voting is weird because I think I only voted up on one other thread....so.... we get a 2 vote/day ration? Anywho.... I'll add one more to my 'rant' above... if women don't want to be called 'moody' then they have GOT to stop with, "oh.....I ate a box of cookies because I'm PMSing" or "I'm PMS'ing therefore...." They open the door on this double standard. I'm a woman and here is how I handle it: Yes. I PMS, yes I get bloated and fat and have body pains during that time. It's uncomfortable, makes me feel very self conscious which has an outward affect on my behavior. I become AWARE of that and try to control it the best I can. If I feel I cannot control it and am effecting the people around me negatively (which rarely happens or I know I have designed my circle of honest friends who aren't afraid to tell me when I bother them) then I remove myself from people as much as humanly possible. I don't need to inform them of my bodily functions nor 'excuse' my behavior from such. Just get yourself the hell out of the way of others. As far as the moodiness, it exists but.... it is controllable to a point. It has much to do with diet and vitamins/nutrients. You can prevent or reduce moodiness and painful cramping SIGNIFICANTLY by making sure you up your intake on a few essential nutrients such as magnesium and potassium (and I'm sure others). This is best if ingested by natural foods (beets, bananas ,dark veggies, etc) but I guess supplements work as well.... depending. It's more of a crap shoot with pills if you ask me. So again..it comes back to taking responsibility of your body and it's functions and how those functions can effect your mood and interactions with innocent bystanders. I don't expect someone with a migraine to have the most patience or courtesy when experiencing that blinding pain, that's why they usually stay away from other people and take medication or get physical therapy for it. It's not ok for a person with a migraine to be a complete tool to those around him but it is understandable but it becomes 'aggressive' when that toolish behavior sticks around and constantly reminds them why they are being a tool rather than going home to deal with the issue in private. It's like...we are ALL aware of how annoying it is when people are like, "gawwwdddd.. I have the WORST headache. <toolish remarks, complaints, etc>" and you reply...oh...so maybe go lie down/go home and take care of that, etc. "oh...I can't...but what I can do is muster up enough energy to torture you with on complaining about HOW BAD my headache is..." No really...it's ok. Please...I may have Ibuprofin in my bag/desk, etc...I say it because I care. "no no. I can tough it out...." BUT I CANNOT! lol

I'm blown away by many things. first your eloquent telling of your experience and your bravery and resolution to sharing such a personal, traumatic and heroic story. Just everything wrapped in one. So I am very sorry you had those experiences or repressed experiences and kudos for taking the necessary steps to process it in healthy and healing ways and sharing that with us here. I have a question and if it's none of my business or you don't want to share, I will totally understand but did you have any suspicion (before therapy or during) that you might have been sexually abused? Or did the thought never cross your mind, even if you were aware of other 'parenting inadequacies' then or now. I'll share why I am asking. I am fully aware of the many bad parenting tactics used against me from my parents and teacher and community. I have exhibited (as do my sisters) symptoms of trauma, neglect, emotional manipulation, and abandonment. However, recently, the thought or suspicion entered my mind that I could have been sexually abused but don't remember it. Obviously I am vary scared to go down that thought path but also cautious because that is a heavy accusation that cannot be taken back if proven false. I haven't gone to therapy on this issue in particular as of yet. But...and this will sound very weird and I am not trying to justify the actions of my parents but we were an intact family, middle class, some spanking/slapping, college educated, religious (red flag! lol) etc and what I am getting at is when I assess our 'symptoms' of me and my sisters, they come off pretty extreme for your typical upbringing in our surroundings. (by using the word typical I am not justifying or minimizing it...just showing that it was average but yet me and my siblings exhibited far more destructive symptoms than other kids in our community with similar upbringings as children and how they have manifested as adults). I hope that made sense. So it's making me wonder if more happend that I have totally blacked out of my consciousness and even subconscious.

and THAT friends IS the inconvenient truth. it hurts so bad to hear!! lol You are spot on and what's most astounding is that there are aspects of their life that I would find interesting to 'peek into' such as their father being part of the OJ case. But they blew so far and so fast over that nugget of their life that it's barely visible in the rearview. At the risk of exposing myself A few years ago I did see an espisode of them having a memorial dinner for their father (now that I know better....it was also probably staged for a romanticized photo/video op). If we ever want to see how much money it takes to attempt to take away pain of dysfunction and clearly trauma...... this is the show to prove it.

gawd if this family didn't give me the creeps before, they sure do now. I am not one to engage in conspiracy theories but each of those men (even Scott) were heavy into drugs and destructive behavior and the whole Caitlynn thing seems to forced, but what do I know. Either these men entering the K-Klan (I'm borrowing that from you lol) are predisposed to those addictive/destructive behavior or these women are that abusive and hostile and sort of hostage taking that they resort to it. hard to say as I don't pay that close attention. But for lack of a more eloquent phrase....somin'aint right! I agree with Shrigall. Only rarely will I chime in and usually in private context such as this so my engagement of conversation about them won't be 'hits' that signifies interest. I see too many people reply on public posts 'who cares' and it's like....if you really don't...then don't comment in a public forum!! lol There are no *** next to the hit stats and google stats that reports...oh! this person took interest in the article clearly about the K-Klan but they disapprove of the K-Klan. NOTED! lol

THank you for sharing your deep and personal emotions and experience and I am sorry for the abuse you endured and the manifestations from that. I can relate to your experience and hopefully provide anything useful for you. My brief background was a strict, authoritative matriarchal religious background. Spanking/slapping occurred and emotional neglect. When Stefan speaks about children left in daycare experiencing symptoms of abandonment, my parents both worked from home and I didn't enter school until 1/2 days at kindergarten and I still experienced symptoms of neglect and abandonment. For me, I think that is where my insecurities stem from. Now, I still have insecurities and those same concerns but they do not rule my life anymore. There are times where they are severely challenged and I do go through a 'pause' but always come out of t. I am happy o share some of the exercises I implemented in my life everyday until it became 2nd nature. Become GOOD at something. ...something respectable, productive, useful. In this, you raise your confidence in obtaining a skill and will naturally orbit around others in that field who will give you constructive criticism and genuine praise. You might need to dabble in a few things to find what you enjoy AND are good at. I am a quick learner and can be good/proficient or master many things but I didn't necessarily love or enjoy doing them at length or long term. many ran their course and I moved on to other things. But going on this egg-hunt of talent not only keeps you occupied but obtaining skills, meeting people in those fields who are supportive AND helps you mold and shape and trim up the edges of who YOU really are which will help you behave as...well... YOU :-> I will say, I am 36 and I lived a lot of my life in the 'pleasing others' or 'hiding myself in plain sight' etc and it's exhausting and not sustainable, so the sooner you unravel this, the better in the long run (as I'm sure you are fully aware.) So, always use that as your motivation. I would have a question that I would always ask myself that would work most of the time to calm my anxieties and put things in perspective. (feel free to use it or come up with your own). That was..... will this person (who I care if they like me) still be a significant part of my life in a year, 5 years, 10 years, etc. So the answer to that WILL determine the level of anxiety I should exercise. In practical terms, if I showed a little part of my true self to someone and they reacted negatively, then I would later sit an ponder what this person really is to me in my life now and how they would fit into my future or IF they would fit into my future. A real life occurance of mine. I had a 'friend' and we worked together, took smoke breaks together, I tried to click with her other circle of friends which was BRUTAL, etc. I told her I wanted to quit smoking and she freaked out on me. At that moment, I realized I invested 2+ years in our 'friendship' was always supportive....even of things that I shouldn't have been supported of for her and she is not happy that I am trying to improve myself. So, I confronted her about my experience of her behavior and she again, flipped out. I asked myself....do I seriously see this person in my life in a year from now? If so, can I handle the next year (+)either showing her who I am and her flipping out each time or HER eventually ending the friendship from her intolerance or supressing who I am. As those would be the only options. So, I told her I cannot continue this and left it at that. She attempted to contact me and reconcile and I resisted. I felt guilty one day and relieved the next. It was HARD but in the end was one of the BEST moves I could have made. So in that, I just showed a fraction of my true self and simultaneously removed one person of a whole network in my life of someone who didn't approve which made space for a future 'candidate' to fill who DID approve of my life (coincidentally...my now husband!) So I did it in a very systematic approach. I started with small and seemingly non-threatining 'about me' issues and people's reaction told me all I needed to know. If it was someone in my life or I perceived to be in my life awhile I made sure it was for good reasons..for them AND for me. I made it a point to 'check in' with those people and have more open, deep conversations. Sadly, even among some of them, it was too much and we parted ways..and the ones who remained are golden. This may not be philosophical but I used the phrase on myself of 'fake it to make it'. I know that sounds disingenuous but the way I applied it was ONLY when I needed confidence. There were MANY times where I forced myself to interact in groups, mingle at parties to get experience and practice. Sometimes I failed miserably but always reminded myself it was not in vain. It taught me what worked and what didn't and careful not to conform to others just to avoid the bad feeling. When I needed to be confident at job interviews I had to really fake it without looking fake or without overcompensating. Or when I would go out with 'friends' there were common conversations or behaviors that repeated that I always wanted to resist but didn't want to rock the boat or be mocked. So many times, I would fake confidence to speak up and fake confidence to take on the backlash and insults from the idiots around me. Sometimes I would leave the situation if they were persistant or my confident but not threatening/non judging tone would be enough. Another unconventional trick I use is I plan ahead conversations. That sounds super weird or sinister but I imagine conversations that are likely to pop up with the people in my circle that might challenge my confidence, etc. Since I know these pepole and their personality, I have the 2 way conversation in my head in how I assume they would respond (realistically) and how I would respond to them. I would NOT then go and force that conversation on anyone, simply go about and if it happened it happened, if not, at least I had the preparation that helped me step into the world prepared. Now, I live in a foreign country and I do that with the foreign language. Like before I go to the store, I always have certain phrases that challenge me so I prepare common questions before I leave the house in case I need them while running errands. lol! Anyway, I hope those are a few points to mull over. Good luck!!

Sure, I'll be happy to do my best. and BTW, thanks for the clarification in that the pressure came from the friends and not the family more often. Maybe if I offer some practical solutions you could try out to see how they work for you or adjust them to make them fit your needs? I re-read my message and yours and these are the first things that came to mind as far as practical solutions. If you are working and are productive and suddenly get the urge to play video games, set a timer. Indulge in the impulse but set a timer for say, 20min or 45min. Then, as you settle into this new approach, lower the video game time. Example: If you started limiting yourself to 45minutes, after a week/month, etc go down to 40 minutes or 35...etc If you still have the urge after the timer is up or shortly after you leave the game, go on a walk, do some pushups, something constructive but distracting. OH! and a quick daily ritual.... when you are finished gaming, put ALL the components where you cannot see them. I am saying this based on the assumption that when you are done, you might put them in a spot near the TV but they can be seen, even when not in use. If that is the case, put them in a box, a cabinet, cover them. Each and every time. When we try to teach ourselves discipline, we ALWAYS need a backup. It's not guaranteeing we will faulter but it's good to have a safety net to catch us and put us back on track that instant. That way you get what you want but don't go overboard and slowly you will trainyourself to have better self control. The longterm objective is to be able to enjoy longer periods of productivity and even when you want to reward yourself with gaming, you won't let it consume you. Be patient, it will take time but just do your best to be disciplined at it. Another method...quite unconventional is put a mirror where you can see yourself gaming. I tried this when I tried to quit smoking or biting my nails, if I could SEE myself doing it.....I did it less. So put a mirror in front of you where you can still game and you can see yourself doing it. Trust me.... it can be intense but stick with it and I guarantee it will help curb some of the impulses. I don't think the objective is quit gaming alltogether. Every has and needs a vice of some sort. So be realistic and set goals (that can be altered as you achieve more and more). But first discipline needs to be your foundation and that is what these exercises are for. Once you have the discipline and can trust yourself that if you sit down and game you won't fall back into very long periods of gaming and no production. Keep things in balance. So from time to time, physically write down (with pen and paper) and put on your door or refrigerator or gaming control device, et what you goal is. Example: My goal is to achieve x hours in production and will allow myself x hours/day/week of gaming. or whatever it is you want to achieve. Put it where you see it everyday, even several times a day. I would lastly suggest that after you put in a serious effort on these (or your own methods catered to you) for about a month, see how you feel. If you feel you have more discipline but still need more work, kick it up a notch. raise the stakes, make it a bit mroe challenging. I would suggest then, adding ONE new interest per month. It doesn't mean you have to participate in that interest (that would be ideal) but LEARN. That way you are training your brain to be curious and actively searching for different and constructive stimuli rather than having the gaming as you 'only' escape or vice for lack of a better term. Best of luck. I hope these serve of some use. if not, feel free to send me the feedback as that is useful too!

It depends on your expectation. I came from the farthest probability of being open to this and I found my way but i found my way by way of a popcorn trail or I think the phrase now is 'breadcrumb' trail. We have to see ourselves as an individual popcorn on a long path . it's a longer path for some, shorter path for others. There is a combination of MANY people who have gotten me to where I am. I went from a politcally religious right household to going LEFT on my own to nihalism and finally feel (in my mid 30s) I have found the proper balance and consistent, moral path. It's a process and that process is different for everyone and we, as advocates have to be nimble in how we pitch the message. It's hard work! So just because we don't see fairly instant results, we shouldn't be hopeless. I mean I am sure the ppl who try to wake me up 20 years ago were ready to give up....but in the end....they win...even if they are not here to be validated by me reaching the point they wanted me to see. You don't need a majority to change anything. That's proof in elections. the LOUD minority typically win. lol so in the case of philosophy, you don't need a majority. we need more than we have but we don't need a majority. That is a self defeating statement to deter yourself or others from trying or reevaluating new approaches (i agree...propaganda is NOT the way) but just keep on, change up the strategy, learn what works and what doesn't adn don't expect ANYONE to validate you but that doesn't mean you didn't get through to them. It only means they are too proud to admit you are right but they typically show their reformation down the road. Be patient. I WISH I could go back and thank every 'popcorn' along the way who planted even the tiniest challenging thought in my head no matter how hard I resisted at the moment.

I agree. I guess it doesn't explain the problem when so many whites are joining in. I mean if this black lives matter issue is an indication of their savagery (or however Main Street would word it), then what does it say about the whites who are also part of this? So I think all intelligence is going down the tubes....

Your initial words, "What would have happened if Africans came to America after 1492 instead of Whites? We are working on your initial comment which you indicated INSTEAD of whites. if they 'founded' the Americas instead of whites....you didn't indicate stealing to achieve that, you didn't indicate kidnapping whites, (only after) you wrote Africans INSTEAD of whites. So if you want to move the goal posts on how they got there, fine...then make the case. be specific...follow the thought through from start to finish. they steal boats and kidnap white navigators and poof they arrived and remain less evolved? Of course, if a bunch of Africans stole the technology and achieved reaching the shores of America, then it's hard to say what the outcome would have been...maybe you are correct. But that begs the question, let's say they did steal the technology. I could steal NASA technology but I still would have no freaking clue what I am doing so it would be useless to me. However, if I was to steal the technology AND know how to use it without relying on too many NASA engineers, then yes...I would be exhibiting a certain level of intelligence and ability that can't be washed away just because I 'stole' the technology. Whites didn't invent everything. Even their technologies were borrowed and adapted from many other cultures. So even if Africans stole ships....they still would have to know how to map a course and sail. If I didn't know how to drive, I am less likely to steal a car. If they kidnapped a few navigators, etc....well.... having a navigator isn't enough and if they needed a whole white crew who knew more than the blacks, eventually the scale would be tipped and the whites would be smart enough to outsmart the blacks and arrive to the shores before them or take the credit or whatever. They would need to be organized and defer gratification. it was a LONG journey back then on a ship....a self-contained situation with a lot of people/heirarcy, etc. so just because they stole or kidnapped, they would still have to know how to self-organize and regulate without savagely murdering anyone that they disagree with. Also, let's say they do arrived less-evolved but nonetheless arrive. The studies indicate that IQ varies based on geographical placement, meaning usually tropical/warm climates produce lower IQ and colder climates higher IQs. So when they arrive on the shores, I guess it would depend inf they reach Florida or further north. Then, over hundreds of years, the climate will shape their IQs. the Africans that land or migrate to the Northern, colder climates would have higher intelligence compared to the southern, warmer climates. Those who are less intelligent will die off. So you cannot give this broad brush stroke of assumption without at the very least working through your theory. Maybe you are right but you have not given any thorough case to your point.

I am so incredibly sorry you had this type of childhood. I will say, for what it's worth, don't compare your 'achievements' based on what OTHERS expect of you. It sounds like the people who raised you and the environment they kept you in was full of people who refused to let others 'rise above' them and so it was a race to the bottom. So, with that said, the things OTHERS pressured on you AND sabotaged (pressuring you to get a girlfriend and then mocking you when you showed interest is horrible! ) is not your cross to bear in terms of feeling bad that you didn't achieve that, considering the conditions. I hope your acknowledgment of your anger will be good fuel to achieve things you DO want. It might take time for you to clear this anger which will then help you think more clearly on your goals you want to work on and achieve. Maybe one is first...process this anger...that's a good goal to start with. That isn't to say. oh...don't be angry. hell no. you should be and weren't allowed so this is a good thing, just make sure you go about it in a healthy way. If you can obtain a therapist or a counselor to facilitate you in this process to make sure you are going about it in a safe and productive way. You know, you mentioned wasting 7000 hours playing video games. That is about 291 days. Sometimes coming to these CLEAR facts about what we have or have not accumulated is a great way to snap out of our funk. My final observation and probably the most important for you to hear and will hopefully help kickstart your motivation...... that procrastination you feel is still your family being inside your head. Meaning, they are STILL sabotaging you. So every time you play a video game when you know you should be focusing on more prodcutive, self-helping type activities (work, self awareness, therapy, etc) KICK THEM OUT OF YOUR HEAD. They continue to exist in your head to keep you down, at their level. They have conditioned you to procrastinate to feel hopeless to feel that dreams and achievement are stupid and worthless etc. Don't let them be correct! Don't validate what they say. It's not easy as turning off a switch but sometimes being aware of it can help you catch yourself 'in the act' and snap out of it. My favorite phrase or mantra is "don't be the monster they say you are or expect you to be".

Exactly. Anyone who needs to use bullhorns, take over...dare I say for risk of sounding like defending Bernie Sanders.... politcal rallies, etc definitely wants to be superior under the guise of equality. To the Sage of Mainstreet... that's quite a leap of assumption. Let's go with that...the Africans reach the Americas first if they left Africa, they would have to have some level of foresight, planning, organization, deferral of gratification (not gobbling down all the food in the several month journey), cost/risk assessment, navigation intelligence, technology/engineering/design ships, ect and if they successfully reach the Americas, then their intelligence would have been, I guess, equal to those who also reached America by those same means so to assume they would achieve getting to the Americas on their own and then spontaneously resort back to primal base intelligence is a bit of a mental leap, no?

I think timing is always interesting in gvt policy. I think it might be a mixture of this image the left is trying to project in comparison towards Putin.... they have to demonize him on all levels. so it's like a dick-measuring contest of sorts since Putin is known for his anti-gay measures. He's complete alpha and the obama admin needs to compensate. Also, this plus the Caitlyn Jenner thing...they are trying to bombard the narrative of gay/trans, etc into society. My friend has a lot of theories on this and I personally don't understand them all or the motives of why they would want this (typically gays/trans have less children or there are less of them as couples versus hetero couples, and the rate we are going..they need to promote reproduction to produce more tax slaves...so I'm a bit of a loss on that). I'm mentioning it just in case anyone else might have thoughts on it. Elections.... they are hitting the masses on every corner. Safety (gun control and black lives matter etc), equality, Caitlyn Jenner, gay marriage, etc so I'm sure the left understands Congress, as usual has low approval....Obama has sold his soul about 450x since I lost count and need to stir up some good old fashioned social activists for the party before/during elections. Obama was a master at this in his time in office. 'ending' the Iraq war 'as promised' when in fact it was already agreed in terms Bush established. Being in office while the gay marraige ruling occurred. So yes, the timing is simply all theatrics.

I have a few gay 'friends' or rather acquaintances I've known since childhood (one is a complete man-whore) but is this 'marriage equality zealot'... so..not exactly the poster-child for his cause...but, I digress. I had this debate with these friends several time over the years and the bottom-line 'case' they make (albeit a weak one) is: "I see what you mean and I agree gvt should stay out of it but we just need to 'win' this and then we can work on getting the gvt out. " Well...they got their 'win' and do you think they are now carrying on their activism to get the gvt out? hell to the no. So, people give just as much lip service as the politicians they complain about. It's so tiring and weak. It's so ridiculous and of course I had to point out how many times the gvt creeps in further and further and is impossible to kick out of things it already regulates. Then they become aware and shut down and go into defensive mode. I typically use the approach of informing people why the gvt started regulating in the first place. Oh the Left LOVE this...lol they totally sit silent in cognitive dissonance shock, but the original motive was to further enforce segregation, including marriage of blacks and whites! So..... not a good start. That typically catches people's attention and curiosity. I also give practical solutions because with anything...we cannot take away the baby's pacifier without giving them something soothing as a replacement, so it's good to think of some practical solutions or current examples to keep their thinking juices flowing. Some people don't think this is important to do. they make the non-empathetic argument that...well....if they feel uncomfortable, that'll teach them to wake up...or whatever. I say.... showiong compassion only makes the case of ethical philosophy that much more. Showing understanding that change is hard and feels weird and the unknown is scary sometimes but we are intelligent enough to think of solutions that is a win-win for everyone....etc.. I point out that either gays can be more active in the politics of gvt that they want to give them freedom or equality OR....become an officiator. With gvt regulation or not in marriage, if they are afraid that religions won't marry them (which even some Catholic priests do perform gay marriages) but gays can be non-religious officiators to marry gay people. But...where's the fun in that if they can't jam a gun in someone's ribs, eh?

100%

Isn't her issue relative? And she answered her own question but failed to stop there and instead jumped on a connecting flight to blame-i-stan. HER WORDS, "I was mad at myself. I failed as a negotiator'. Ok.... so....now you have an Oscar, renegotiate! I mean Ellen Degeneres nets $330 MILLION...a gay female. and Robert Downey Jr about 1/2 that. Bring the talent....get the cash. If a gay female (and she came out WAY early in the game) can crush the numbers game with some really talented males or prominent males....then her argument is petty whining. Plus, she's not clear on who she is comparing herself to. I mean, she is still rather new to the industry and that's great she has an Oscar but does she expect to get paid as much as Jack Nicholson (who she CLEARLY was star struck by...indicating she didn't feel she was his performance equal). So there is a lot to consider. Correct me if I am wrong but aren't actors paid based on the projected profit specualations of the success of the movie. They may choose a lower salary in exchange for royalties or something of the sort. So she is throwing out a REALLY ambiguous, broad brush of accusation AFTER she admitted the reason she is paid less....she is bad at negotiating! smh. Also, in a weird way SHE use verbal slander against herself, a woman to push some message of disinfranchised women. "I didn't want to seem spoiled or difficult'. These are terms typically used towards women who are assertive so, even if the world is full oppressive men and she chooses to use her fame to call it out, then why in the world would she use such self degrading terms!? She could have better said, "I messed up as a negotiatior. I was afraid to be assertive in a male-dominated industry, I have since learned and will do much better next time." The way she puts it is not inspirational at all. So be assertive, don't require men to be less assertive. Oh....poor baby girl wants to compete for equal pay if men try less hard. ...ok sorry... after I posted this I searched more on actor/ress salaries. J. Lawerance nets about $60million, $52 she earned in last year. Bradley Cooper (a previous Co-Star) nets $80million. Now....$80M IS a larger number than $60M however considering he has been in FAR more well known movies that to my knowledge had a lot of success. Hangover trilogy, I can't remember the name but the one where he takes that weird super-power drug. Wasn't he in another one with Scarlett Johansson (sorry..I am TERRIBLE with movie names) . So again. when you start to put things in context to try to compare apples to apples, she comes off just a whiny cry baby.

Fair enough and I don't want to tell you how you experienced it,obviously so thanks for the clarification.

THanks, very interesting. And at the risk of overgeneralizing, the term that came to my mind was a sort of 'habitualization' effect. The more you watch the more you watch. One study revealed that brain activity/response to the porn goes down proportionately to the increase. So yeah...that seems to make sense. If the more you watch, the more your brain sort of 'tunes out' to it, the less arousal you will experience, feeling the need to 'turn up the volume' so to speak. Just like with any substance and habitual effects (marijuana, etc) that is non addictive, simply refraining from it or moderation will keep your tolerance at a sustainable level or remove desire for that stimuli in the long run to be able to function 'normally'. And I know my next comment won't touch on PIED however I think it's worth nothing that reading/hearing the experiences of men on the video about their expereinces...binging on porn for hours and they are married, startled me because they are in a committed relationship, possibly with a job and/or children and HOURS a day focused on porn. I guess if one is single and living alone, it's easier for them w/out the risk of hurting an existing relationship...but then again...friends aren't privvy to how their friends spend their time, etc? That will definitely have an emotional side effect on the wife and hubby (and children....) which having happy experiences with them can raise dopamine too. Plus can cause resentment, anger, sadness of the partner and if it creates a divide between the couple, anxiety increases, thus triggering the need for this dopamine hit, etc. I just cannot imagine my hubby spending that much time on porn either with or without me knowing. We aren't always over each other's shoulders but we do stay connected because we genuinely enjoy each other's company and conversation. I know he uses it occassionally and I respect he needs his aqlone time as do I, etc. he prefers more outdoor activities to get his thrills (off road dirt biking, etc) but at least he can also return from those and discuss with me. I can't imagine him spending hours with porn and then after coming to me to discuss his experience... So again, sorry, I know this doesn't touch on the PIED issue but felt the need to touch on that.

This may seem indirect, but have you heard Stefan's podcasts about R/K? I ask this because depending on the environment you were raised in, might elude to how/why you got into this. and sometimes understanding the genesis can help bring healing and solutions to the matter. It's great that you are looking and observing yourself and this situation now and are open to the discussion. From another perspective, I studied holistic health. Take it for what it is but it is believed that ejaculation is healthy in certain intervals depending on your age. When I learned this, we really didn't discuss if it was from masturbating or intercourse, etc. But (and this is from loose memory and I am ballparking it). That in your 20s, it's perfectly healthy to ejaculate everyday. It's probably best that it mostly comes from sex for various reasons (bonding with partner, more of a 'workout' , etc.but again...we didn't get into those details). In your 30s, once a week or a couple of times a week is healthy. a man in their 30s who ejaculates everyday is at more risk of a lowered immunity. 40s/50s, a few times a month...everyday too much and can weaken immunity. 60s+ once a month is suffice. everyday too much but even once/week at this age can risk a weaker immunity. I get that in your case the ejaculation is always tied to a non-human stimulis which poses other problems. I think, while you are on the path of self-awareness and have curiosity about your situation, become privvy to the R/K information and this might explain some of the why's that will help you figure out what's appropriate and healthy and what is too much. I don't know your age, but it is important if you want to find a quality mate that when you become physically intimate with her that outside stimulus is not needed. Otherwise, that may create a wedge between you and your partner. Speaking as a women who is happily married, etc, even the most confident women can feel 'threatened' if her man needs porn to have sex with her. But stay strong, try to find things from a sensual attractiveness...that doesn't mean automatic sexual arousal from these things but that 'buzz in the brain tingling' from really high quality people....becoming attracted to intelligence, good humor, etc rather than immediate visual cues. It will take time and practice.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree with terk in that exercise, as annoying as it is. (lol) does have a lot of benefits to better blood circulation and release of endorphines and focusing on a task (running, lunging, lifting weights, etc) will allow your mind to 'focus' and practice that focus (focus on breathing while running, etc). That might allow your mind to open up to focus more or clear out of the fog. But I agree wholly the points that terk pointed out. A calm, non-distracting environment and give yourself time, meaning, if you are a parent or people are expecting you for something (work, a meeting, etc) just give them a head's up so no one worries and you can return home with calm and not frenzied chaos. Best of luck!!