regevdl

I am so sorry for your loss of a child. May I ask if your use/abuse of drugs started before the loss or only after? The reason I am asking is because if it only started after the loss of your child, then I feel inclined to suggest you have not fully dealt with the feelings of the loss and you might want to seek professional help specifically in that field (parents who have lost children). There are therapists who even specialize in sudden loss (like a sudden tragic accident)....which might be some overlap there but just to be aware of how specific some therapists can be and that might be to your advantage. If your drug use/abuse began before the loss of your child, then you would still want to seek professional help to understand why you felt you needed to self medicate in the first place. Usually those who are happy and toy around with drugs, rarely abuse drugs to any extreme or long term. Those who start out unhappy and use drugs, typically feel 'normal' and 'happy' for the first times in their life and thus want to keep that feeling going. It would appear it stems from your childhood experience of being unloved and lonely. Especially in those circumstances the adults/caregivers didn't even provide you with lessons on how to deal with emotions or process in a healthy, positive way. So at this point, a professional can be of great service. As far as the emotional reaction to the song, it's a trigger but unclear why. If you typically only listen to deep heavy depressing music, maybe try to change it up a bit for a 'quick fix' in the meantime but don't stop there, seek a good professional who is experienced in childhood traumas as well as (or find two therapists) and a therapist who specializes in loss of a child, this is very very crucial in and untoitself. again, much empathy your way for your very sad experiences of those close to you. Much luck and success in finding your health and happiness!

I will go against my usual behavior as I normally read an article in its entirety before making critical arguments but this already calls for a critical argument in the subtitle "It's called spontaneous order". Tell me and show me WHERE anyone of the libertarian movement or the anarcho or minarcho 'movement' has EVER suggested spontaneous order. Show me this citation from ANY credible or hell....horribly credible 'libertarian' source and I will read the rest of the article. deal?

Hi Josh, Welcome. I used to be a Democrat at the dismay of my very conservative parents. Yet, through constant searching and evaluation (not always....I used to be as deaf, dumb and blind as the next statist) I was still able to find my way to moral and philosophical consistency. And it wasnt' because of any ground breaking legislation or bribe from gub'ment. I cannot say there was really ONE person or ONE event or ONE method that finally got through to me, rather a compilation. You see, it's a form of enlightenment and therefore takes time, processing, absorbing, adjusting. It's not the most pleasant or the fastest but it does work and did work for me. There is not a quick fix, there is not a magic button there is not a 'one size fits all'. There were a few 'ah ha' moments for me and they added up and added up until I couldn't consciously ignore reality anymore. THAT'S the best way, the most permanent way and the most effective way to make real change. If you, like everyone else, wants change now so you can see and take credit for it in your lifetime, then, sadly nothing will change and people will wait for the next 'squeaky wheel' to get the oil and go along with the change they want. When you approach people like that, then they are easily manipulated and don't really stand firm on any one thing and sway with the kpolitical breeze. We need a society that at least stands firm on some basic principles but to achieve that, they need to see their own inconsistencies. But, if youare willing to plant a seed(s) so that our future generations can continually enjoy the shade under that tree, then that explains best how this process works. Your examples are really just 'pavlovian' methods. responding to rewards and punishments. that is not a conscious shift. That is not acting moral, rather than just feeding impulses and 'obedience'. It's the same with religion. If people need the threat of eternal damnation or the reward of serene heaven just to behave and act morally, then, that is disingenuous. Same with State functions and legislations. If you are doing it for the good intentions, guess what. So are the Republicans and Democrats and everyone else. Eveyrone wants the glory to be in charge and the moral guidance of society. The movement I am part of says, no thank you...I will be in charge of my own morality that doesn't shift with majority votes and bribes, rather remains constant and consistent and life rewards and punishes me as my guiding tool. I can only speak for myself but in my process of waking people up (and I live in Israel and try to wake people up between the Israeli Palestianian conflict so that's FUN!) lol I am constantly changing my approach depending on past successes and failures AND my audience. Some are win, some are total fail and some are spot on. But what works for one, won't work for another so first and foremost I rarely just begin a dialogue about the specific issue. It's a constant challenge and why we must keep at it. I first find common ground on non threatening issues or topics or life. Then I ask THEM their opinion on certain issues (rather than just preach what I believe). I find these are the most important 'ice breakers' to make the conversation last as long as possible and establish an actual bond, not just a info-dumping meeting. People like being asked their thoughts and talk about themselves and that represents the 'movement' well in that aspect as being inquisitive and understanding. Not dictatorial. See, you first need to understand that in this so-called movement, we aren't out to tell people what to think or how to behave. Only to lead by example or encourage. Anyway, Once I know where they stand on certain issues then I can civilly and constructively point out hypocracies and pitfalls in their logic or policies. Usually by the end they see things 'my' way because they have no arguments to counter. Will they go home a changed individual forever? Will they see the fallacies but continue on their current path? I will never know in most cases and frankly it's no longer important. I did my job. Most people are dissatisfied by that and need validation that they 'changed' someone. I take it as just as there were many people I encountered that gave me an 'ah ha' moment, it still took several before I woke up. So...just be someone's AH HA moment. And trust me, telling someone what laws should be passed or what bribe they should accept for the greater good is not inspiring. People are starving for inspriation and logic and good communication and they don't even know they are starving for it until they actually receive it. Just be someone's AH HA moment. What happens after that is out of your control. Don't try to control the outcome, then you are no better than the slavemasters. I WISH I could go back, remember, and thank every person who gave me that 'ah ha' moment but that's impossible. Some I never met! I woke up about the FED and eventually Ron Paul by a man in the middle of NYC shouting in the streets about fractional banking! lol He never mentioned the word 'FED' but it stuck with me so by the time someone metnioned Ron Paul's name I was like. mmmm..ok...I'll see what that's about and so on. Lastly, I have tried the 'moral' approach with people. It doesn't work. People HATE being faced with their own morality in the name of them championing for morality and do-gooder policies. So, I've been dabbling in a new approach that has worked. You need to be a caricature of the person you are discussing. That's not to say you should be rude, offensive, aggressive and insulting. Basically mirror back their ideals in a cartoonish way (why it's useful to have a large vocabulary...paint picture with words). It takes practice and you will fail and win sometimes or sometimes you will never ever know if you made an impact on someone. That's where trusting that you are on the right path for yourself and humanity comes in very handy and is constantly tested. If you ever have a disscusion and want to 'play back' the conversation to see how to handle certain topics or common reactions by people to use for future reference, then this forum is a great tool. Good luck!

Thanks for the support. From the honest critique of our therapist, we understood our pitfalls. Even how we begin sentences or questions. When we thought that was normal dialogue or communication, it was actually protaganistic. It was subtle enough not to prompt a reaction immediately but time after time after time would cause frustration and with lack of context we couldn't resolve the issue since we weren't aware of the communication problem. That alone has diffused a LOT of frustration and arguments. tHey occur from time to time but we point it out and continue on the better path of communication. Also my husband was 'king' of the non-apology, as in, "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "I'm sorry you felt my behavior was...." Oh man...those would cause WW3 but have since ceased.

Hi FDR friends, I have been in the process of pursuing a more creative aspect of my life in the last years. ...on top of being a staunch Democrat to Blue Republican to Libertarian to Minarchist to AnarchoCapitalists. lol LOTS of shedding these last few years! Anyway, I do a lot of work with paper such as folded book art, quilling (paper rolling) jewelry and mosaics, etc. (you can see what I mean at the Facebook page Stylish Indulgence). I recently pushed my limits and dug deep to find out how much I have inside of me and created something I didn't even know I was capable of. It scared the living S*** out of me to be quite honest. But I am slowly embracing it. lol I entered this particular piece in an online contest. It's nothing much, just a contest to win a LOT more supplies I need to make more art and jewelry and such. But I am doing it to get some exposure and honest feedback from non-partisans. Can you please take a minute to visit the link and click 'like' on your favorite. The one with the most 'likes' will win the contest. I think they are taking 'like votes' until the 11th or 12th of October. Even if mine isn't your favorite, that's ok. All the entrants put a lot of time and focus on their pieces and deserve as much exposure as I do, so I hope this is as much of a service to them as me. The link below will take you directly to my submission. If it's your favorite, simply click 'like'. https://www.facebook.com/LittleCirclesEverywhere/photos/a.404776816228352.86386.190412107664825/776927042346659/?type=1&theater You will notice it is a remake of NG cover photo by Steve McCurry's Afghan girl with green eyes. It's made only from coiled paper circles glued together. It took me 35 hours to complete. I almost gave up 3 different times but kept pushing through. Then I vowed to never do a portrait again (this is my first portrait!) and at the end, I was quite stunned with the outcome and feel inspired to do more. I appreciate anyone interested in doing this. I am not sure where to take my art and jewelry, etc from here but I enjoy creating and will take it day by day for the time being as it can be overwhelming. Thanks again everyone!

Hi All, sorry I've been away for awhile. I didn' get to read everyone's response. I figured out who the John Grey guy was...Men are from Mars, Women from Venus so I was immediately turned off. I shy away from those Oprah-style self-help sources, but thanks anyway. my hubby and I have already been seeing a therapist when I initially posted. We continued and his job now has him working about 20hours /week for 2-3 months so we stopped therapy but we still use the methods taught up to that point. We had a break through in our communication a few weeks ago but it's hard not to see each other, but the old habits and feelings of resentment and frustration and overwhelming are gone. We haven't engaged in sex still but....the emotinoal attitude has improved 10 fold. Even the little time we spend together is much better quality. Due to his work and our extremely remote location, we are considering online therapy (or a therapist who can do Skype) so we both are looking forward to continuing therapy and improving. Lastly, I did get an appointment for the call in show but it was pushed back due to some time restraints on Stefan's part (I think he travelled so they had to cancel some call ins, etc) so I am just being patient in waiting to find out when my call in will be.

Thanks everyone for your compassionate replies. I wrote it at 2am from not being able to sleep from a frustrating day and sort of spilled the most recent incidents rather than a broader picture but will try to answer the questions to give more context without mixing things up too much. We have been married 12 years (just had our anniversary). We waited 5 years after marriage before having kids and to ensure stability. We moved here when the kids were 4 and 2 so that was actually the easy part for them. We had every consideration for the kids planned out and as many as humanly possible for us planned out. We planned this for 4 years, logistics, considerations for children, financial, etc. Still wasn't easy but compared to many others who did the same we are the 'sole surviors'....many moved back after a year! What I fell in love with was his honesty and his compassion and commitment/goals/ethics, etc. We both are hard working and I saw a lot of similar 'drive' and common ground when we met. He was not emotionally repressive from the start. We both were very affectionate, communicative, honest....even our friends were shocked out honest we were with each other and we held a lot of respect for one another, shared same dreams and philosophies, talked about our future, raising kids and views on how/what/etc. The men I dated before were typically the emotionally unavailable ones so he was a refreshing change! I don't spend 100% of the time pointing out his faults/my own. What I mean is that when we fall on hard times, we communicate and I try to see the big picture and point things out that he may not see about himself AND about myself and he does the same for me (or used to anyway). In the hard times, he doesn't even acknoweldge there is a problem. Meaning....if the house is burning, I will say the house is on fire....he will ignore it and then tell me I forgot to take out the garbage while the house was burning...type scenario. I would then try to point out what may have caused the 'fire' and he will focus on the 'garbage' or whatever. sorry...lame analogy. lol What do I bring to the relationship? Well, I am honest. I am hard working, I have always held at least part time employment (full time up until we had children). I did take one year off after birth of each child in order to be at home with them. With my son I still ran our business from home but was becoming too stressful. I am devoted to the children and their development etc. Beyond that I cook, clean, etc. I enjoy self-knowledge and look for new learning opportunities, skills, reading or creating, etc. and I used to enjoy discussing with him. Of late, when I bring things up he shuts down, shows signs of 'disapproval', does not engage in the conversation at all. ---so yeah....add that up over a few years, I will feel rejected time and time again. When I bring it up it fuels the feeling. When in the US I also managed our business and all the financing. In the new country, he manages the financing. We started farming and it was 'his gig' so to speak but I volunteered as much as humanly possible between running my own business and raising the kids. We moved to the new country 3 years ago. We decided to move 4 years prior to that....so that is what I meant by it was a collaborative, deliberate decision well into our marriage when things seemed fine. I know this move, even though I prepared as much as possible, has taken a toll on me/us. I know I do not own his libido or him as a person. I am not sure what I said to make it seem as if I believe I own anyone. :-/ In any case it's MY libido that has stopped, not his. This resulted in an affair on his part and we tried to work through it as I am not so clueless to think that when I don't feel in the mood and our marriage is rocky that he might go look elsewhere. I'm fully aware of that, it doesn't make it moral but I know I am 1/2 to blame. What was terrible about it was that he lied when confronted and I had evidence and he KNEW I had evidence. . my pain was compounded when he finally admitted it, I strongly urged we see a counselor and he immediately stop these relationships and he did not for more than aweek. THEN after he claimed to have stopped he asks me if I was spreading his 'mistress'' phone number around on the internet?!~ I didn't know this woman (he met her online) so I had NO way of obtaining her information, nor any desire to. I simply told him no and that I am not out to hurt anyone and I would never do that. Apparently she contacted him after he cut contact and told him that. I explained to him later that I was saddened he even felt the need to ask if I did such a thing. That if he felt I wdas that type of person and it made me feel like he trusted her more than me as she made the claim (I suspect) in order to keep him on the hook with her. I suggested and strongly urged we see marriage therapy if he felt like we had something salvagable. he agreed. Because of the language barrier, it was difficult for me to search for therapists (and the country isn't big on advertising...everything sort of runs on word of mouth...) so I asked if he was ok searching for one. He agreed. 6 months...it took him 6 months..not because it was that difficult but because he put it off. I asked him maybe once/month (as to not be 'naggy') if he indeed wanted to do therapy, he said yes. I explained if he wasn't ready, I sure as hell am because everyday (especially after revelation of affair) was AGONIZING for me and I could really use a therapist.... to no avail. I tried searching on my own but was difficult to find someone in our area and who spoke English well enough. Again, I asked for his assistance, he agreed...but put it off a few more months-----intensifying my feeling of rejection. The point that he lied to me after I had evidence and finally admitted the affair but had to ask me if I would go and spread this woman's information around....it made no sense. He and she were on those dating sites...not me. Anyway, it was a very very hurtful time. I told him I understand that I withdrew emotionally and sexually and even more after the affair (i guess as punishment?) but I would hope if he sees me having trouble he could reach out to me and try to bring me out of the pit. He said he just wanted to take care of himself (sexually). I reminded him that I am suffering from this too and we won't get very far if he only takes care of his sexual needs and i'm left to fend for myself or my partner doesn't try to help. I see our roles for each other as for anyone else we have relationships with.... when someone is down, no matter how frustrating it is, we should reach a hand...not run the other direction. I have been at his sides on countless other downfalls he went through and I truly felt abandoned. AGain, not trying to escape my own responsibility but it took two of us to cause the damage and two to repair. AND years before (when his work kept him on the road for 3-6 weeks at a time) we had an open and honest discussion about fulfilling our sexual needs with other people and made up cerain 'dos and don'ts' etc. Once he left that job, we ended that arrangement with an open and honest discussion. So that is why his infidelity (not telling me his needs as I told him mine in prior arrangement) was so hurtful AND when confronted compassionately about it, he lied. double whammy. Needless to say from there we took a nosedive. That was about a year ago and I feel I have SOME trust restored with him but the compassion, empathy and communication is slim. Basically I am at the point with my own self awareness, his awareness and the observations the therapists makes we are pretty much aware of all pitfalls, etc but so far don't have the tools to put us back together...knowing it will take time. I am searching for different therapists and found some 'do it yourself' steps in the meantime as in making lists of what we like about being married in general or to each other, listing reason we are still trying, committing to spending 5-8 hours aWEEK alone...no phone, no computer, no kids. I think this is a huge part and what has caused a lot of this. we forgot about US in pursuit of future and family and now we must get back to that. I will check out John Gray's book, thank you for the suggestion. I am willing to read or do anything, I really do love him and I know he still has love for me. We ARE friends deep down. Even our therapists says that is stark-obvious just seeing our repoire together, even when we are tense. We are Friends and have a lot of love and respect for each other. but think we have lost our way . we have spoken about our childhoods during courtship and marriage and revisited the same stories from a different angle now during our troubled times. I have spoken to my parents of whom i would NEVER allow into my relationship issues because I feel they left me ill prepared but I thought I would communicate with them to see if some new information could be found. My parents were supportive and apologetic and he has never spoken to any of his friends or family about anything. I encouraged him to do so, but don't expect or put any ultimatums on it. As far as his day off, he made a suggestion about visiting our date farm in the morning. I immediately ensured the kids got ready, I made breakfast and was trying to get everyone to sit and eat, which we did then he changed his mind and said he wanted to go later that it would be too hot to go to the farm at this time. I said no problem, maybe instead we could go to the natural spring (to combat the heat, it's closer than our farm and usually we are there for 1 hour or less so won't take up the whole day). He said he 'didn't have time'. I asked what he meant--- if something changed with his work schedule and he said no....he wants to mow the grass. I didn't protest but told him I am happy to do that on Sunday if that's all that is keeping him from going to the spring which the kids always enjoy and it's private and secluded. No, he insisted on working in the yard. I didn't say anything more and kept on with my 'duties' in the house and played with my daughter. My son helped in the yard, which is good father/son time. But later when I didn't feel like going to the pool as it was hot outside and I just wanted some time to myself (kids are on summer break and with me 24/7) he didn't mind but later came back and threw it in my face. It hurt me, I told him and explained that it hurt me he chose to mow the grass over going to the private spring and I understand he was disappointed that I didn't go to the pool but I was forthcoming and he didn't protest at the time, only came back to complain, rather than communicate from the front that it would mean a lot to him if I came. If I knew that of course I would have gone. There are maternal/paternal parralles. I do not scream at my husband and he does not scream at me. nor did his parents. My comment about the therapist is that I FELT a screaming voice inside because to tell a therapist 'everything is fine' made me feel even more hopeless that he is withholding. I know everyone goes at their pace and WHY I don't/didn't scream.... I am human and will have internal frustrations.

I will try that. I found out that up until now he has never shared his feelings with anyone. He has a friend who is like a brother and I was shocked that he has never discussed this stuff with him! ....so I guess he IS like a brother..just not in the way I thought or he thought me meant. lol As he is not close to his biological brothers. Anyway, I feel like his work is his priority and he equates it to his input to the relationship as a whole. I hope that makes sense. What I mean is he shows he 'cares' by working like a madman. He has no emotional input to the relationship, he can always use work as an excuse to not visit my family or be with me/kids on trips that I plan, etc. and therefore I am pigeon -holed against complaining because then if I complain about that, then I am complaining about his hard work and what he is trying to do for the family, etc. So it's a debate trap that I have just started avoiding until I can come up with better approaches. If I ask him about his priorities he will say 'what we are trying to build'. Which means....we just became farmers so we started a huge date farm which will take a few years to produce fruit, so in the meantime he has to work like crazy to cover bills and I do what I can to make sure kids are brought up well and I try to make money on the side working at daycare, private babysitting, making jewelry and art, etc. Yeah...our therapist is 'meh'. Thanks for insight! I will try to bring that issue up more directly next time I speak with them.

I would say, probe of other irrational defenses she has for her friends. You can start getting to know her or it might end up being a "project" which in the end could be perceived as one trying to change the other. It doesn't sound like you've has many encounters with her and the Cuban -issue is already dominating or effecting your chances to be with her to get to know her. Sounds like her friend is already doing a cock-block for you.

This is really hard for me to discuss in front of unknown number of strangers but it shows how I will try everything to gather insight on this problem. My hubby and I have been going down the tubes for the last few years. We have two amazing children. Peaceful parents. I do to even know what background I should include to give context. I have always worked. One year I didn't because I just had our 2nd child and hubby was on the road for weeks at a time so we felt by me staying home to be available for kids who were >2 and >4 at the time was best. A year later we moved overseas of his homeland. It was a mutual decision and carefully planned and considered. The first year he stayed in US to work while I raised kids and was full time in intensive language course. After he moved it was awkward. We "lived" in a tiny unit next to his parents then fuvdlky moved into our own house which we continue to rent. We've had ups and downs but overall it's an emotionless and sexless relationship. He works constantly which I guess I'm used to and kids have "adjusted to". We have been seeing a therapist for several months and he refuses to cut to the bull shit. When we arrive and she asks how we are he says "fine". I want to walk out of the sessions screaming "then why in the hell are we here if everything is fine?!" But I don't I end up leading the dhscusdion so he thinks I am a complaining ungrateful wife. Today was his first day off in a month. I offered to take the kids to a local spring (as we live in a desert that reaches 130defrees)... So it's a real treat and a local secret location. He said he didn't have time. ?? I asked if he indeed has a day off (I swear he says that as an auto reflex response). And he said he does have today off but he has things to do. What things? Mow the grass. :-/ Something that I do when I can to save him the extra work and do he cannot use it as an excuse to avoid us and when I mows the grass he has told me he prefers to do it. Only one time he said thanks. We relaxed the rest if the day (siesta) he took kids to community pool. I opted out. I too avoid when feeling constantly rejected. Later the plan was to visit our date farm (20 min away). He needs to check water system weekly and we use it as a time to go as fsmiky. Sometimes making a picnic out there (when it isn't 130defrees lol) On the way, I (as usual) bring up how we both missed things the therapist encouraged us to work on. He has been grumpy lately and I can't tell if it's work exhaustion or us or both. I'm not perfect. I can admit that and I put effort and I relapse sometimes but I feel he doesn't put effort unless I make a stink about it. It's more frustrating because he is a self-motivated danger and manager and I hear from him and everyone how he goes above and beyond etc. He was a champion swimmer for his country by age 13-18 and lived away from home at that time, was a "legend" in his military days, spent a year off roading in Africa with a friend if his. But can't seem to leave the grass another week and come with me and kids to a watering hole for an hour? Can't call me out when I relapse? Only when I point out our failures does he dominate the conversation With mine. I tell him if he has issues with me, why he only brings them up when I bring up a topic to discuss? He never starts a conversation. Or problem-solving argument. He always plays defense, not offense. Anyway I have nothing. I had my own business last year but it was stressing me out and was affecting my parenting I feel a bit lost, far from home, don't have friends to confuse in who arebt 10 hours time difference. I feel stuck and freaking scared that this cannot be fixed. I want it fixed otherwise I would continue the exercises the therapist gives. The fact he doesn't do them tells me ever he wants/doesn't. To think of divorce exorcism my living in this country after only 3 years makes me panic. But to bring the kids back to US? They have no friend base there, no cousins. Etc.

Interesting. I think humans have only been around for 3million years, maybe a bit longer but never heard the 4million timeframe. anyway..lol hate to be 'that gal'. The only vegans I know personally are complete A-hole psychotics. I am glad to see people on here having reasonable discussions of their experience and encouragment/discouragement. Some distant in-laws became their own little 'vegan cult' from their teenage daughter. I don't know how she got into it but she threatened her family that if they did not conform that she would kill herself or run away etc. So rather than get her evaluated, they conformed. But it didn't stop there, she then made these threats to her VERY vunerable and old grandparents who are nearing their last days and they too conformed. Look, if people feel this is the right thing for them, by all means. If they want to share the great feeling, that is perfectly natural reaction when one feels like they found the golden ticket in life and I am all ears, but like the woman admitted in this video... If it becomes WHO you are..that's when it really does become a problem and less about the 'save the animals' or 'save the enviornment' and all those honorable things and more about controlling peers and losing sight of why you are doing it. When we are around these distant relatives (which thankfully is not often) we cannot even enjoy THEM anymore because it's only involved about talking about the vegan lifestyle and if even I eat something not vegan, they will leave the table or sneer or jeer. It's an absolute atrocity and I don't blame veganism wholly, obviously these people are unstable on a whole new level and this is their crutch but makes me wonder if those who need a crtuch naturally are drawn to veganism (like a which came first scenario). I think sorting out what kind of lifestyle you want. The few vegans I know are more into cardio than muscle-strength building. Obviously their cardio gives them a lot of endurance strength. I have heard it's a challenge to get enough calories a day, especially in the beginning stages, learning to cook, find nutrients, etc. I think it's great when people share how wonderful they feel and can maintain that for a long time and certainly don't judge others who aren't 'there' yet or won't ever get there, so to speak.

I have no interest in his son and many people I have been in contact with who pay any sort of attention have kept a skeptical eye on Rand especially after he endorsed Mitt Romney, made a trip to Israel ( I think after elections...don't remember exactly) and well... you can research the rest. Many do not have the respect for Rand as they do for Ron Paul. And with all respect in the effort you put towards this article and I agree with Pelafina, Ron Paul did a HELL of a job waking people up. I came from the LEFT and he woke me up...or at least solidified my decision to leave the left..and look where it led me. I don't see Rand ever having that type of influencial, raw and organic talent. Even those who pushed for Ron Paul new in silence he wouldn't win or if he did he could not change everything or the better, the system is completely broken that one man dealing with a bought congress won't change a whole lot, that his purpose was using the main stream mediums to promote his message which was a brilliant tactic.

I don't think this is a problem specific to anarcho-capitalists. This is a human problem. Society has become so 'dumbed down' and distracted around every corner than no one really gets to the bottom of things in life, personal life, societal life etc and they have childish reactions as a way to avoid or deflect, or try to shame you thinking others will follow like lemmings. It rarely works and only makes them look as idiotic as they are behaving. Have you kindly confronted him? I think it's always best to at least make someone aware of their behavior to at least give them an opportunity to consider, apologize, change, etc...even if you think there is no chance, it's a courtesy and higher ethics to at least bring it to their awareness, how it made you feel, maybe even give insight on why you think they are behaving like that and they can either consider your feelings, remain silent if they have nothing of use to offer the conversation or you will remove yourself from annoying hostilies. Also, once you bring awareness to them (not publicly, but in private) maybe offer them or empathize with them that you also (just assuming) were at a point where these topics were not in your consciousness and felt taboo or whatever and only when you learned how to discuss, debate, your confidence grew, etc, etc. sometimes showing them that you were there once in your life will soften their edges and invite them into taking issues more seriously and more respectfully. Best of luck!

Thanks everyone for the interesting responses. If I may expand my question. bear with me. Ok, so I'm a 'soverign' in a governed world. I pay my taxes (also enabling) to keep from being thrown in a cage. I can easily convince my peers to switch to the concept of anarchism but they too (so long as the gvt exists) pay their taxes which enables the masters, just so they can stay out of the cage and promote the concept to their friend and so on and so forth. Does anyone think this will actually create a tipping point or what will need to happen for all of us to STOP paying the seed money as a trade off for staying out of a cage? My vauge examples (sorry) in my original question had more to do with appealing laws rather than changing them or implementing new ones. Like if eventually the majority of the country is outspoken libertarian or anarchist and we still pay our taxes for fear of being caged, we could use those voices to appeal as many oppressive laws without implementing new ones or imposing on others....it loosens the chains, no? Because the country could be full of anarchists or libertarians but so long as we are all 'fearful' of being put in a cage, we will always enable by paying taxes and that enables masters far more than even voting or using democratic tools against the gvt, no? Just pondering....

If Stefan doesn't break it down I would recommend Tom Woods (www.tomwoods.com) he is also a very articulate libertarian (I think he's a closet anarchist) lol as Stefan has interviewed him and he often has anarch-friendly guests on his show. Anyway, he often breaks down challenges against Libertarianism etc. Good luck! http://www.schiffradio.com/pg/jsp/verticals/archive.jsp?dispid=310&pid=65782 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muHg86Mys7I. Agreed. I know, K.o.t.H your original concern was responding in a way that would hopefully not insult him. As libertarians and anarchists it's always a tedious balance of communication to keep it going as long as possible but inject enough insightful 'wake up calls' to encourage them to think on their own. But higginsp makes an important point when addressing any argument. make important, critical and foundational definitions clear. Since 'self ownership' is a HUGE and fundamental aspect of libertarianism, it's an easy go-to for those trying to rebutt it. Therefore spin it back on him. Put the burden of responsibility on him to give you his definition of self-ownership. He is trying to split air by suggesting you are an object and subject. If you don't own yourself, then you are allowing others to take ownership of you which is slavery. Check out the two links I posted. They might help solidify clear definitions. But he needs to define to you clearly what he means by self-ownership before you can proceed. Otherwise you will be talking over each other's heads.

interesting point. True that if they support violence to make change then the discussion is pointless as there is a proverbial 'gun in the room'. lol thanks!

I have 2 kids, boy 7yr, girl 5yr and I hope I can offer some reasonable suggestions or explainations to give you and your son relief! Always consider that kids ALSO need down time. We aren't at daycare with them and even if they are on their best behavior even THAT can be exhausting for them. My daughter at 3 and 4 years old would be at her preK school, they always had fun, she NEVER made a fuss, she was the 'big girl' of the class and she came home and wanted to veg out or...she would come home and literally freak out over nothing. Walk in the door and start flailing around, whining, shouting, etc. I was FREAKED! lol She. NEVER wanted to invite friends or always declined when her best friends invited her. I was worried sick that she was becoming anti-social or something horrible was happening at the school. I trust her teachers and they assured me she was totally fine the kids love her and she loves the kids. We concluded that maybe being the 'most mature' one on her own accord at school was exhausting her. So I just let her be. I gave in and she eventually mellowed out after I stopped pushing the issue (I wouldn't try to convince her to invite friends or go to friends) I wouldn't deprive her of TV at first, only after I saw she improved, then I sat with her and made a fair arrangement of TV time limits and then go do a puzzle or another activity alone or with me. Or... before coming home we would go on a short drive (but not to a destination or activity...just 5 minutes the long way home to decompress) Also, Kids LOVE routine but given you were in the military...that might be overkill. lol What I mean is, even just reading your routine and thinking about doing that day after day for a number of months or years....I was feeling imprisoned. lol I know you are a single-hard working and devoted father. Mix it up a bit. Offer him something ELSE to look forward to. Maybe one day just come straight home! I think that will give you a much needed break and be less for him too. Even though activities are fun....it can be overwhelming for kids to have their days COMPLETELY full. Maybe one day have him help you make dinner! (something simple) get some costume-style chef hats or make them out of paper. I bet he'll love that plus it can be a great at-home bonding memory-making method if you choose one day a week to have 'chef' night or something. . Maybe one day instead of TV, you do a sock-puppets with him (or shadow puppets!) My kids STILL love shadow puppets! Maybe 1-3 days a week keep the routine you have now and the other days do something totally different and out of order and focus on coming straight home on those 'off' days'. Good luck !

Hello friends, For many years I have been constantly shedding prior falsehoods and conditioning. I am now identifying mostly with anarcho-capitalism and sure there is still more on the horizon. But the other day, I was spurred to think about voting. My gut told me that it's useless and I understand the argument that it is giving permission to a violent system, etc, which I agree. But voting aside, it made me wonder if anarchists are just as susceptible to complacency by default as those who buy into the false sense of security of government. Before you get hostile, let me explain: A fellow anarchist was confronted on a political domestic issue. His reaction was something to the effect of, "well I don't believe in gvt and do not participate and therefore not responsible and it's not my business " etc. If that's his feeling, then I am not one to argue but it spurred a concern I have that I don't know if it has ever been addressed. But on one hand he brings up all the hypocracies of gvt but then gives a 'ho-hum' reaction which I find conveniently complacent. And if I remember, it was issues about cutting funding of some useless, aggressive policy which I would think falls into the philosophy of libertarians and anarchists. I am less concerned about the voting issue and more about how using our voices (even when not believing in gvt) to still use the already existing tools in gvt and use them against itself? Things like the freedom of information act lawsuits. If it were up to my friend in my example, he wouldn't even take these measures and those are the activists that have really opened up valuable information (too bad they have to sue the gvt for it) but I hope my point is clear. Without the work of them, much of the evidence we have against the gvt would still be locked up somewhere. I have other libertarian/anarchist friends who do a lot of work to contact their state reps to change local/state legislature or rather...get rid of horrible laws etc and have had success. Does this still 'enable' gvt or do anarchists see this as a method to whittle down gvt in non violent means? is this 'encouraging/enabling' gvt or is this a needed step towards a more free/open society by using the gvt format against it's own overreach? Personally, I feel voting is worthless. It's not just a feeling, it's pretty much proven that federal elections are bogus. State and local elections aren't much better but as anarchists are we of better use to totally ignore issues and 'fighting against' overreach or to use the gvt tools against itself? Overall, the name of the game is education and making valid arguments to allow people to think for themselves and see on their own terms whether or not they think gvt is a good idea, etc. Would love to hear any thoughts. thanks!

Hi Ed, Welcome and thanks for your honesty. Have you considered calling in to the show? It might be a great way to get more of Stefan's clarity that is personalized to you and your story. The process is quite simple and I think there are instructions on this site. Especially since money is a challenge for you to pay for therapy and you have a baby on the way, maybe it would be worth a shot. We all know how what Stefan can say in about 30 minutes cuts through what most therapists say in about 5x 1hour sessions! lol He doesn't B.S. around or play patty-cake. haha you are not alone nor a burden. There are very caring and compassionate people here. all the best on your journey of healing and rehabilitation, I think it's very brave to admit your problem especially since you have a little baby on the way. Please own that courage and give yourself a LOT of credit first and foremost. All the best!

II agree. Coercion doesn't have to involve force but it's a negative consequence or "loaded" choice that negates volunteerism. Just saying "give me all of your produce" and you say "no" is a non aggressive request and voluntary rightful reply. Once you insert a negative civseqyence or a "or else" then that us a type of aggressive coercion.

That's a fair argument. I can see that as a benefit. I do like the ignore button Idea for sure because it's an individual censor rather than censoring it automatically from everyone. To take it a step further (if no one has suggested it already) that the poster can see the number of ppl who ignore (not names of course) so they too are aware that ppl are turned off. Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience, it gave me food for thought. Oh yes. and I too feel like I am being trolled by retaliation (not by you) but your example of your down votes resonated with my recent experience, but also I am not worried. . anyway, thanks again!

I second that.

Omg friend, I feel my words are futile to even express the amount of empathy I have fir your horrible pain and experience. Not only of a use but lack of empathy from others around you! When you described the specific traumas (phone cord choking) my throat literally hurt and was hard for me to breathe so I cannot imagine what that was like for you as a child, helpless, defenseless! You are a survivor and so incredibly strong and brave. I am sending you a big virtual hug!! I understand what you mean by needing to learn how to judge character. I'm still learning that as I too was not properly taught that skill as a child. My upbringing was authoritarian and "be nice to everyone" so no way to differentiate or process mixed feelings towards individuals. My ameture advice is trust your instinct, guy feeling, inner voice when around ppl. Listen to what they say, but notice what they don't say. Take relationships slow (platonic and romantic). You are young so the ppl who run away from your story are at least being honest in who they are and aren't wasting your time being fake and disingenuine. Sucks they lack empathy and I'm not excusing their callous behavior ---but sometimes ppl have no idea to help so they resort to those tactics of downplaying your pain. It just eliminates them and helps you continue your search for compassionate ppl. I would highly recommend seeking therapy. It can't hurt. If I'm not mistaken from another post you decided to leave and are possibly homeless. Use the internet, charities to seek out pro bono therapy of need be. Best success in your new path to healing!

I mentioned the same thing...moving the goal posts. I feel trolled. In any event, he clearly stated that he does not fact check before he posts anything. He deems everything (depending on the source) valid until proven otherwise correct. So. take that for what you will. Best of luck. CIA encouragaed the level of radicalism we see. Were there some twisted forms of islam back then. Absolutely, but the US gvt considered Bin Laden in the 80s a FREEDOM Fighter. So that was sloppy speech and mental leap on my part. That according to the US in the 80s, Bin Laden was NOT considered radical. I hope that clears things up on where I was taking my point. In the end, sir, i appreciate the back and forth but your increasing hostile language is really unpleasant. Cursing and making wild accusations. "take some g.d.' responsibilities for your actions... what does this even mean? I have never used a human shield, fired a weapon or killed anyone or voted for any killling or maiming, I speak out when everyone else is silent. You do not know me or my activism against my government etc. So good luck with everything.

Oopsy...you forgot to copy/paste this: I am not excusing Arabs for making bad decisions anymore than I am excusing ISrael for participating in that bad decision anymore than I am excusing the US for their bad policies and decisions. I don't think 1800 civilians should die and more than 10,000 injured on a 'bad election decision'. That means universally that should be applied to AMericans for the illegal Iraq war, no? that was US war crime terrorism and illegal occupation that we voted for since we voted for Bush or he won by a majority. So I should agree that millions of American civilians should lose their lives to pay for their error? AGain, I am not saying you are doing anything maliciously... we are just discussing here, no? Bin LAden also wasnt' radicalized but the CIA hired him, encouraged radicalization. 9/11 occured. The US gvt mistake. Not mine. I sure as hell didn't support covertly radicalizing Islam or supporting Bin Laden. I nor any civilian should have to die for that. Americans voted for Bush, he illegally invaded Iraq, I didn't vote for Bush or support the war and no....no one should have to die for that bad decision. It doesn't excuse Bush's crimes or those idiots who voted for him. Just so I understand, 'depending on the source'---you don't fact check until it's proved otherwise? So how do you sort out the sources you DO use if you don't fact check what they write? Like, what makes you choose the blogger over another blogger if you do not fact check or test their credibility? Is this acceptable in society? Media? So media should post and air anything and everything and wait for people to come after to correct them and we will sit and wait and trust that they will go back and correct all the mistakes? Seems like a lot of double work. Shouldn't we all practice fact checking before we pass on information? My impression was that you believed the videos you posted were of hamas and continued your points on that belief. fine. you called my points B.S. but I only shared by observations on why I don't think it's Hamas but not ignoring that Hamas Is a terror organization up to no good.. you don't have to believe my points. Then you came back after I pointed out a few things (and after you called my claims B.S.) stating that you 'fact checked' and admitted the discrepancy and now the subject isn't about Israel but about jihadists in general. clever. Wouldn't it save a lot of time, confusion and energy to just fact check before and decide if you want to talk about jihad or a specific conflict? But you posted these two videos on a thread that is specifically discussing the Israeli /Palestinian conflict and now you are saying this discussion is really about conflicts between muslims and is not about Israel etc....when you are posting these things on a thread specifically discussing the Israeli conflict and posted two videos referencing Hamas. So by all means, move the goal posts as much as you would like.