RyanT

Great video! I've certainly come across this kind of thing, often coupled with ''people might think... '' Eugh! How's the old saying go

Next meet up: Saturday, 27 February We'll be meeting up at Birmingham New Street Station then moving onto The Square Peg, Wetherspoons pub The Square Peg, 115 Corporation Street Birmingham West Midlands B4 6PH For more info: https://www.facebook.com/events/1662562560669255/1680299782228866/

Haven't been able to make it down to a London meet in a while but yeah they're still going on

Hey welcome to the community mate, always glad to see more UK members Yeah RTR completely blew my mind, just something as simple as just honestly stating 'I felt really upset when you just said that' rather than jumping straight to 'you really upset when you just said that'. and 'This is exactly like saying: “I need a form of transportation,” then spending years testing various makes of cars and researching all the alternatives, and then finally purchasing a car – and then, when you get it home, standing in front of it and exclaiming: “Excellent, now I’m going to turn this thing into a boat!” That one really resonated with me. We have two meet-up groups in England if you're interested, feel free to join the Facebook groups and check them out London https://www.facebook.com/groups/1438425056435291/ Northern England https://www.facebook.com/groups/815773255135016/

Nom de plume? Maybe he has a sliver of respect left for himself and his children to not use his real name. Does read like some MRA satire of 'mangina of the year' but...cliches exist for a reason? Although seriously get the impression this guy just has a cuckold fetish (the part about her 'hot stories' is a dead give away), but he wants to clothe it with high-minded rhetoric. So its all about her 'freedom' and 'individual identity' and of course 'they've never been happier'...its just all so 'open and honest and mature' When chances are he's just getting off on the humiliation... 'Simon the boxer' certainly came to my mind throughout, he talks quite a bit (although says very little) about the painful emotions this stirs up within him. Of course in his narrative these are simply hurdle to overcome, to be 'managed' which may well be the whole point of it all?

My neighbor's notorious for his, the other day I was putting some WD40 on the gate and he asked if he could borrow it, 'Sure' I said to which he tells me he's got quite a big mouse infestation in the shed I was a bit dumbfounded and asked if he was planning on using it to try and kill them ''no'' he replied ''but it'll stop them squeaking''.

''The black family survived centuries of slavery and generations of Jim Crow, but it has disintegrated in the wake of the liberals' expansion of the welfare state.'' Thomas Sowell

Hey Neil, welcome to the forum If you're on facebook we have a northern England meet up group https://www.facebook.com/groups/815773255135016/ Had a few meets in Leeds, Newcastle, Sheffield and we'll probebly have one in Manchester in the not so distant future, Be great to see you there

Yeah I’d agree with you there Pat Certainly growing up the 'nice guy/simp' seemed almost the default position, a lot of guys either having hapless henpecked fathers or raised by single mothers, and thus trained from a young age to supplicate women. Then they went out into the world and got absolutely punished for it, by downright rejection... or worse... Obviously they need something to help them grow a set of balls and a sense of self-worth but is that necessarily ‘PUA’? As you say, there’s definitely nuggets of wisdom to be had, It encourages guys to look after themselves and have a bit of style and panache... something often too quickly pooh-poohed by the ‘philosophical community’ as being superficial (while ignoring the fact a worn out baggy T-shirt and dirty trainers ‘says something about you’ too) Same goes like you say for communication, think as guys in general we’re inclined to focus on what we’re saying while neglecting how we say it...certainly there’s a bit of a stereotype among ancaps of standing there and ‘giving a lecture’ (usually about some enthralling topic like the federal reserve) A big concept with the PUA’s though is this idea that you ‘fake it till you make it’ in that you act confident and that gives you a boost until it just becomes natural...doesn’t really address the underlying issues though? Indeed you’re diverting energy away from the self-work involved in actually getting to that place authentically? A virtuous woman is going to see that and be pretty disappointed A none virtuous woman is going to see that as something she can play to her advantage...

In these sort of scenarios you have to ask ''What are the consequences of them accepting the truth?'' If they've kids and they're sending them to state school...pretty dire. First and foremost they'd of course have to admit they'd been getting it wrong for X number of years and doing their kid's a great disservice in the process. Perhaps worse still, they'd then be morally obligated to actually do something about it! (Or else face the constant gnawing of their conscience) That's pretty heavy stuff? Thus even something as benign you casually bringing up the idea that you're planning to home school your own kids provokes all this attack....

Agreed, and while I don't think it explains away the phenomenon entirely, the 'online-only' nature of much of the community does seem be a major factor in why the gender ratio's are so skewed? ...How does that old meme go 'There are no women on the internet'.

Take it you didn't watch the video then...

Think there’s definitely an ‘Aristotelian mean’ here, You’ve got that body builder who’s waking in the night with heart palpitations... can’t heathy? Then as Lars pointed out there loads of those guys doing steroids,which always struck me as batshit insane behavior. Injecting themselves with stuff of dubious origins, absolutely no medical supervision, massive side effects just to get that bit bigger... But then there was that skinny guy from Norfolk, turned up to the birth of his first child in a t-shirt that said ‘doggystyle the bitches love me’ and the final weigh-in wearing (presumably his girlfriend’s) dirty odd socks ... Neck tattoo. They did somewhat touch on the underlying issues these guys had but that was pretty much treated as incidental a little soundbite about how hyper-competitive Scott 'probably got it from his dad' or that guy Matt's Mrs, earning a living flashing her norks...which he obviously wasn't very happy about. Maybe a bit of therapy wouldn't have gone amiss?

Came across this documentary today, pretty interesting, constantly of course hear about 'body image' in relation to women but when it comes to men...Does seem the prevailing notion that we just don't care, which is quite odd? (I probably know more guys who go to the gym regularly than girls) Still came as a bit of a shock when the stated that '80% of British men hate they way look' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32A4j4hx88s

Eh? He clearly states that it was the last family gathering he ever attended ...a few years ago...before making the decision to go no contact. The videos there for anyone who wants to check it out themselves

I don't know, I think in a lot of ways that's still is 'how it is'. We've this wonderful resource at our fingertips these days its, that allows new ideas to be decontaminated at light speed, and yet most people I've met seem to totally oblivious to what's going on. All the potential that's literally millimeters outside their comfort-zone if they'd just reach out and grab it, yet so many seem to feel like they can 'look but they can't touch'? Can't help thinking about Matt Stones interview in "Bowling for Columbine"

Ah remember seeing The Breakfast Club on TV a few years, ago really good film, that certainly touched on something deep for it's audience. Think what really speaks to that is the massive popularity it enjoys to this day...can you imagine them selling 'American Pie' t-shirts now, Let alone in 2028?

I've always find him to be a very sincere man who has a lot of care for other victims of narcissists, which comes from good self-knowledge and empathy with his younger self. 'Whiner' what does that even mean? I've certainly used it myself in the past to describe people and often found it coming from a deep resentment of their ability (thus highlighting my own inability) to express vulnerability without a paralyzing fear of attack and ridicule...

Spot on mate, got to watch out for the tremendous self-attack that comes out of that realization, know Blackfish mentioned Sam Vaknin's work on the topic and he does put out some decent material although is worth noting he is himself a narcissist and therefore somewhat suspect... Certainly for me this guy has been of tremendous help.

I'll be honest mate, I'm finding your post overwhelming and a little confusing, I have 'been there myself' so I feel I can empathize a lot with with what you're going through at the minute, but as a total outsider looking in, I think I probably would just write you off as being a bit crazy yourself. Which is of course par for the cause, as you said 'narcissists are great at messin' with people' and a big part of why they do that is to isolate them. Certainly find it hard to connect when you start off ranting and 'calling her names', then say you're getting along. Seem to be asking for advice, when you've already made up your mind, then you seem to be offering advice how to 'deal with this rage'...pretty bewildering?

Ah never experienced that one myself although have herd quite a few people on FDR who have...really fucking hideous and I think what pisses me of most about a lot of what parents subject their kids to is just the downright pettiness of it all? Such as that 'I'm prepared to leave you doubting your grip on reality...because this conversation makes me feel uncomfortable'

Great article, I've always defined 'gas lighting' in pretty narrow terms, were abusers and manipulators consciously devise these nasty little mind games. So like a classic example would be to literally play acting a massive tantrum with the specific intention of then turning on the confused victim with a long list of accusations and assertions; ''You should know why I'm upset!'' ''Are you too stupid to work it out!'' ''Anyone else would have realized!'' ''Obviously you don't care about me!'' ....Really horrible behavior we usually associate with very sick malignant narcissists ect. Reading though this article though was shocked by the realization that kids are subjected to this shit all the time. Should this really come as any great surprise though? As the most helpless and vulnerable aren't they usually exposed to the absolute worst excesses of adults behavior?

Ah great, we managed to scout out a few decent locations in Leeds, hopefully get something sorted soon Also set up a Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/635341533246008/