_LiveFree_

You are seeing the world with fresh eyes. Step back and observe. Take no action. Get your bearings. Find your balance. If you are asking others what you should do with your life..... stand still and don't make a move. Your heart is your guide. Learn to listen to it first. The answer to your question is not where you should go, but where you should look. Inwards.

Really great job on this Mike and Stef. Holy hell this got so scary in the last 20 minutes.

Interesting. I'll definitely put some thought to that. Thank you! Sweet! Can't wait to read it!

thanks for the feedback, JKP! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

So this poem was posted by a dude on Facebook... Money empowers, but I'm a slave to my wage, working hard for nothing but I need to be paid. I need my money to survive, but working so hard I'm not living, I'm just alive. Money controls everything, who lives and who dies, it's even a cause to invade money is the master and I am the slave. Here is my response... You're enslaved, but to what you do not know. Money can't tell you where to go. Life requires effort in order to survive, with or without money you must work to stay alive. Not working for the man or following his plan, but consuming for the body to increase its lifespan. Money is time spent working, effort, sweat, and even some twerking. A man who's a slave and desires power doesn't see the hour on the bell clock tower. Possessing lots of money is to own the efforts of other men. Money only amplifies the qualities within. A slave remains a slave when he fears his master. Waking to the truth won't be a disaster. You are the chained and the accuser, continuing the pains of child's abuser. "Please, daddy, play catch with me!" "Not now, son. Don't you know food ain't free?" "Please, mommy, sing to me!" "Not now, daughter. We have guests, you see?" Break free from your past and you'll no longer be enslaved. Money is not a blessing or a curse, but a means of exchange. Men don't invade for money; they invade for slaves. ---------------------------------------------------------- Thoughts?

FDR has gone from awful audio podcasting on the way to work in a 12 year old Volvo to a brand new studio and a full time employee besides Stef on nothing but donations. And this for a show that is basically showing people how they create evil in the world. The only audience this show is going to hold are those people already interested in self-knowledge and becoming better people, which is a tiny fraction of the human population. Maybe it's just me, but I think we're doing alright. And by "alright" I mean HOLY F-----' JESUS HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!!!!?!?!?!11 FDR is not a scatter-shot-hope-the-remnant-hear-me radio show. It is the mother of all boot camps for those that want to train to become philosophers themselves.

The word "Title" appears right above the list of podcasts. Just to the left of "Title" is "#^". Click that and it will resort the podcasts lowest to highest.

Oh my. Thank you so much for this, Polly. I read the first paragraph silently but then started over and read the whole thing aloud. I'm feeling... remorse, hope, calm, sadness, and chills all over. I was Michael, and Brett, and you, and a young friend of mine who has just started this journey. She cannot hear herself yet. Although sometimes, for brief moments, she turns into her superhero. I'm so sorry, Polly, for the wrongs heaped upon you. Thank you for posting this letter. Right now, at this moment in my life, it's exactly what I needed to hear. I can't ignore myself any longer. You have my admiration and sincerest thanks not just for the letter, but for all the work you've done to get here.

1. Would you spend time with her if she were a dude? 2. Unprocessed history gets played out in your relationships. No way around it.

The truth about why she stopped liking you will feel awful, no doubt. But the understanding you will gain from it will free you to start feeling much better. I think instead of passing this off as a "she's just a bad person and that's why she left me", maybe consider your roll in what happened. Regardless of if you would date her or someone like her again, you two liked each other enough to get involved in a romantic relationship. If she ended it, you need to really go inside yourself and try to understand why from her perspective the relationship was no longer good for her. Try not to think of it as right or wrong, but simply what was her experience of you. The alternative is to continue doing what your doing and eventually repeating the pattern that got you here.

From a fellow musician, great voice! And the song you linked to is pretty cool, very catchy in a haunting type of way. (I like "Soft Whispers of the Night" too) From my experience when people post on a message board "Hey here's a song a made!" ...my first reaction is "ok, well this will probably be awful" lol Not so with you, sir! You've got a great sound and style. Excellent work! How do you do your recordings? They sound fairly raw. And "William Wyatt" is a great stage name! Oh, and welcome aboard!

If you don't mind me asking, how did the relationship end?

What am I missing? Let me ask a better question. Why do you think you keep going back to look at your ex's profile?

Look for that "something that's missing" within yourself. The first most important ongoing romantic relationship you have is with yourself. A healthy romantic relationship is like nos. When injected, it will propel a properly running car to new heights in performance. When injected into a car running without oil, then there's going to be a crash and burn. Sounds like your car is missing something necessary for healthy running. And if you're here at FDR, it's probably safe to assume that growing up you saw your car get completely trashed by those who were supposed to help you build it. Then you had to build a new car from the ground up. Most of the hard work is probably already done. Just look for those final pieces and ingredients that will make it purr like a kitten. Then add nos. In shorter words, you are most likely very close. Just keep asking yourself questions like , "Why do I feel I need a romantic relationship to be happy?"

Who the hell down votes a post like this? lol Did I piss somebody off?

You have 900+ posts, I learned plenty from them. There was no need to ask you questions. Zetaman is new, you are not. I'm not interested in talking with you further since you continue to accuse me of hostility, manipulation, and lack of self-knowledge. It's interesting that all the things I mentioned that I didn't do with you I did with Zetaman. You know why? Because when I opened up to him he responded back in kind. You did not. I have no problem walking away from people who waste my time. And now you're on ignore. Goodbye.

I understood 100% of the words and ideas expressed in your post. It seems that language is actually objective. Let's try another experiment. Can you understand what I'm writing?

That won't be fun at all with Molyneux packing a blow dart.

Dsayers, firstly I want to apologize for being passive aggressive in my first post in this thread. Not my best moment. However, I still believe you could benefit greatly from taking time away from the boards. You do come across as very aggressive. You drew conclusions left and right about me. I disagreed with you and you decided to pick me apart. This is highly dishonorable. I voiced an opinion where I said I "questioned" the manner in which you employ your philosophical beliefs, or in other words, the way in which you conduct yourself. I felt this was and is appropriate because you have obviously dived head first into FDR, which means you're not a coward and you're very intelligent. The manner with which you conduct yourself is more important than having all of the right answers, though. There is nothing wrong with challenging erroneous ideas as they come up. But as Zetaman and I discussed in another thread, there is a matter of timing when it comes to this. How many questions did you ask Zetaman? How much about yourself did you put forth? Did you find common ground first? You had an issue with his religious beliefs. Why not invite him over to the Atheism section of the forum if he would like to discuss them? It really felt like you didn't care who he was; like he could be a bot and it wouldn't matter. His only purpose in life is for you to practice your debating skills on him. And I get this feeling everywhere you post. Would you have been open enough to find out that Zetaman and his wife just split up? (Zetaman talks about his in another thread openly) Maybe this is having a profound emotional effect on him right now. If you don't at least have an idea where someone is coming from, how can you engage in an effective debate? Maybe there shouldn't be a debate at all. All of these unanswered questions up in the air and you just plow forward. Really, you don't have to listen to me at all. Nor am I on your case because I think you're a bad person or internet troll or anything silly like that. It's quite the opposite. I wish I had your energy, stamina, and debating prowess. As far as me having self-knowledge, am actually doing quite well in that department. I've been journaling for 10 years, listened to over 1500 FDR podcasts, have been in therapy for 2 months now (since i can afford it!), have read many books on self-knowledge (ex. Nathaniel Branden, Alice Miller, and many more), haven't had the burden of marriage/divorce or children to occupy my time, have completely cut ties with all of my family, and generally work on myself every single day. It's my first job, my second job being my full time employment where I make money. I still make mistakes for sure. I made one in this thread. But if you think that you can pick me apart because I disagreed with you and made the mistake of being passive aggressive, you're very wrong. The reason why I am engaging you here is because I believe you and I can sharpen our teeth on one another (that's really not meant to sound erotic i swear.) I think I can bring a different perspective to you about you, and you've certainly brought one to me that I will be thinking and journaling about. For that I am very appreciative. Now, if you'd like to continue discussing this over pm, i'd be more than willing (also, there is no need to hijack an intro thread any further). My participation in this thread is done.

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. - Nietzsche Really it just comes down to how much you really want her. If you aren't sure about that, then there really isn't a point in taking any action toward her I suppose. Also, any voluntary contract can be canceled. I know there is a religious aspect to it for you, but if two people shouldn't be together then staying together can be hell. My father was a baptist preacher who later came out as gay. If he and my mom had stayed married it would have been awful. Besides both of them being abusive neglectful parents and immature human beings, there was no affection and no love there. On the other hand, my best friend's first year of marriage didn't go so well, but he and his wife went through therapy together (and separately) and were able to work through it all. They are so much better off now and very happy. I would definitely caution against staying for reasons that are societal. Talking with a professional about it should most definitely be on your to do list. Again, man I'm really sorry you're going through. Reach out to people near you, don't let the ease of internet relationships gloss over what can really help you right now.

Well, what do you truly want? Do you want to reconcile and remain married?

Can we get Elliot Hulse, Stefan, and Joe Rogan in studio together?

Holy shit, man. My deepest sympathies for the situation with your marriage. I'm totally unqualified to give any perspective on that whatsoever. All I'll say is that Stefan has a wonderful book titled "Real Time Relationships". It is one of the most important books I've ever read. I really hope things work out with you two. Those deep intimate connections can bring the greatest joy and the deepest anguish. The latter emotion being a real bitch. I wouldn't wish that on the evilest of enemies. That critique didn't come across like a reprimand at all. In fact it was very enlightening. I'm making the right move, but I'm making it too early! I don't ask these types of questions with everyone. With you my gut said "go", so I did. So I should balance that out with better timing. Thank you for the feedback! So, wow, do you think there is an opportunity to approach your wife in the manner we talked about? Do you think she would be receptive to that? How would you feel being completely vulnerable to her? (don't answer any of that if you don't want to. I really don't mean to pry. Also, I mistook you coming on the forum and posting as enthusiasm )

lol! Well, I didn't have $60 to pay my therapist this week so I got nothing for you So sorry to hear about you and your wife. I feel it would be inappropriate to ask you anything about that considering we've just begun talking and this is public. How long have you been a psychotherapist? Do you enjoy it? With the therapist/client relationship, there isn't any reciprocity with curiosity and empathy. The client is basically paying you for re-parenting. In a balanced friendship, there should be equal curiosity, empathy, and honesty from both partners. Give what you want and if the other person reciprocates then the relationship can grow. The problem I've struggled with in relationships my whole adult life is searching out people who need "fixing" (which always meant me offering up my empathetic ear and gobs of time), and then ignoring the fact that I was getting nothing in return. As long as I felt useful then I must be wanted, right? Of course, this just lead me to awful relationship one after the other. Your last point about my creepy curiosity brought up a bit of anxiety for me. Would you mind expanding on that a little? I'm interested to know what seemed creepy to you when you read it and also, why did the creepiness go away with my last post? My gut tells me you may have a perspective there that might be eye opening for me. Thanks! Not to derail the thread, but I just wanted to apologize for being hostile. I've been thinking about that interaction and haven't been able to put together a response. I think you made good points about me. I'll respond in that thread further once I've got my thoughts together. Thanks, Dsayers

Great honest response! Well done (honesty and curiosity are creepy as hell until you embrace them.) How you do you correct someone you like??? Well i just showed ya! Step 0: Don't think of it as correcting. Think of it as an exploration. Step 1: Listen intently Step 2: Show them you are listening intently by having eye contact, open body language, head gestures, and most important by asking pertinent questions to clarify their position in your mind. Don't assume you know everything about them already. Step 3: When you respond, don't give them your conclusion right away. Step 4: Step them through your logic on why you see it differently. (Maybe they will follow you and agree once you get to the end! No need for correcting, they just didn't know how to get where you were.) Step 5: Always maintain a gentle and warm attitude. A lot of errors in thought are brought about by psychological defenses. This is what you are navigating around, not the logic itself. Step 6: Be open yourself to corrections in your logic. If the person you are talking to feels like you are open to them, they will more than likely open to you. If they are not open you can't change their mind. Step 7: Before doing this with anyone else, do it with yourself, first. It makes sense now why there appeared to be urgency around your initial post. You don't care about these guys conducting business, you worry what will happen when you encounter flawed thinking in a relationship you do care about. I worry about the same thing! And in fact, until I found FDR I kept making the same mistakes over and over, which basically came down to me saying "You're wrong, here's why." This approach really turned people off, but it was scary not to do it because it meant that I would be undefended if attacked, and then it became like a drug (it was a way to keep people at a distance while I continued being "active" in a relationship). In truth, it was a way for me to avoid real connection with people. It had nothing to do with what was right, only "how do I not feel the anxiety around intimacy in relationships". When you do the above process with yourself first, you gain the necessary knowledge to defend yourself, which results in; first by being able to take harder hits, second by being able to dodge the hits, and third by being able to diffuse the hits before they come. And fourth, ceasing your involvement in relationships where hits are given. One of the most important lessons I've learned in the last year is that not everyone in your life deserves full honesty. Honesty in a relationship is earned, and it's earned by being honest little by little. I work with some very religious and violent people. If I was 100% honest with them, I'd be out of a job because i'd be hated. I'm not there for friendships or romance. I'm there for money. (Luckily I do have an actual friend who works there so it's not all bad.) Timing and circumstance make a huge difference. A particular move in chess in one setup may be masterful, but in another may be a blunder. A note sung perfectly in tune but at the wrong time is still a wrong note. What: Truth How: the above process When: trust your gut (this comes from doing the above process with yourself) You've already got the "What" and "How". So now it's all about practicing on yourself before employing it on others. Then you'll begin to see the types of relationships you have and how they play out begin to change. And your worry about caring about someone who says something stupid will vanish. Tell me what you think. Do I seem full of s***? lol