_LiveFree_

That's very surface. And you can't answer a question with a question. Can you look deeper? The fact that you can't see this says volumes. And it isn't like you're a bad person or stupid because you're not. It's because you have an emotional block to it, which is what your dream from the other thread was trying to tell you. Go through this back forth again and see if you can see what you're doing.

lol oh god! My grey matter!

That's really interesting. No I wasn't asking about the source of your rage. I said, "Are you not rageful?" You said, "No, not since I stopped drinking." I said, "How did you process the rage when you stopped drinking." Then you said, "Are you asking me what the source of my rage is?" Do you see it?

You were wrong and made false accusations against me. I was right.

No apologies have come back from this.

Ok, so how did you process the rage when you stopped drinking? How long did it take? Also, you're welcome! Let's keep it going!

If the only thing you recall about the dream was drinking alcohol then I would guess this is a stark representation of your current emotional state. You have come from an abusive past, from which developed certain habits and ways of thinking. Instead of feeling the anger, despair, and terror of that environment you self-medicated with alcohol, other substances, and relationships/sex. The thing about addiction is that it's the mind being addicted to anything that prohibits moving forward. It's like the brain is wired up to only act out addictive behaviors. The object or action that is addicted to is not so much as important as the physiological drive to unconsciously engage them. You know all of this, of course. I think what the dream is trying to remind you of is that you are still wired up as an addict. A burn victim doesn't become A-OK just because they've been doused with water. They will have major damage to their skin that can never be fully repaired back to brand new. Your past cannot be undone. An analogy that Stef has used is that you cannot make a plate new that has been dropped and shattered. What you can do is the painstaking, time consuming work of carefully gluing it back together. You'll never be as strong as you could have been, but you can be stronger than those who do not acknowledge they have been shattered. The thing about a shattered plate is that there are many pieces that are no longer working together. They are in their own space, going their own direction, and sometimes contradicting other pieces. Two pieces that come together don't necessarily fit together. So if you had a large 5 gallon bucket and it was full of tiny puzzle pieces, how would you approach putting those puzzles back together? Would you dive in and immediately start gluing pieces together in an attempt to make them fit in order to look like progress is being made? Or would you take the time to separate them out and examine them? Would you start gluing before you knew exactly where they fit? Just about everyone who embarks on self-knowledge work has false starts or pushes too hard in the beginning. They experience it as excitement of something new, feeling better, getting stronger. But what is actually happening is they are fleeing in terror. This causes the individual to take wrong paths and have to back track later and start again. You say you are not exercising to the point of addiction. Fair enough, I accept that. The start of putting together a puzzle is like meditation; you do a whole heaping of observing without acting. Do you feel that there are actions you must take right away? (one quick thought, do you have a guide for the exercising that you are doing? Like a trainer? Do you have a guide for the self-work that you are doing?)

It makes me ecstatic to see a thread which was started concerning forum downvoting has turned into a discussion on relativism. Perfect.

I put all my prospects into a fMRI machine. It's cheaper than dating.

brain scans to start

So are you saying that you are not rageful? (I'm actually thinking a lot about your posts. Please don't think that my short responses mean I'm taking this lightly. I'm trying to be precise step by step as we go instead of talking past each other.)

Do you recall anything else about the dream?

How is your sleep overall?

Well, MMX's post was quoted and responded to so I read it. F*** me I agree with him. But I would go even further. I know you're wanting to move to a better place in your life J.D., but the course you're currently on won't get you there. You've replaced one addiction (alcohol) with another. How would you feel if you could only go for a jog 3 times a week? Could you keep it together? Be at peace? Be calm? Working out is easy, debating is easy, reading and listening to podcasts is easy. Therapy done right is f***ing hard. This thread isn't about your siblings being hostages. It's about you remaining a hostage to your parents. They're in your brain forever and they will torment you until you face them with curiosity and no defenses (in your mind). This is the role of a therapist; to be your tether to reality as you go spelunking into the depths of your mind. Parts of your mind adapted to and survived your parents by becoming them somewhat. They cannot be beaten with force or suppressed. To try is to project them out into the world. There is no greater noob move than to mistake yourself as the world. I know this post sounds harsh but it's the level with which you are communicating presently. Harshly (even if you try to hide it by carefully choosing your words). Even your profile pic that you recently changed to is harsh. Rage is nothing more than a suicide bombing (hi NSA). You'll end up taking yourself out with a lot of collateral damage. You cannot run from this. It is always right behind you until you turn to face it.

Who cares about that? He completely abandoned his first child. As a father he's a monumental failure. "Einstein: His Life and Universe" by Walter Isaacson is a decent biography that starts with Albert's parents. http://www.amazon.com/Einstein-Life-Universe-Walter-Isaacson/dp/0743264746/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1435525383&sr=8-3&keywords=walter+isaacson&pebp=1435525214730&perid=00FH4NFH2DJFZWXX22YQ He also made cheating on his wives common practice. A genius in physics; a complete bastard in his personal life.

Hey J.D., do you mind talking about the circumstances that led up to you separating from your family? Thanks

Notjam, why do you post here? What do you wish to get out of it?

My name is Nathan. I would appreciate not being called Nathaniel. Thank you.

Ok, there we go! +1 for you sir!

Thanks RJ, but I want to be clear. My last post to MMX is not meant to be a one up on him. He's going through some tough junk right now and I have deep sympathy for that. But just because someone has dysentery doesn't mean I have to get diarrhea on me. I'm not qualified nor in a position to be of any help to him, and by engaging him I can only aid in hurting him more. No one is winning anything today.

Damn! I ran out of 1 ups for you! Way to go J.D.! Also, everything you recommended in your post I 2nd!

I see. So this post is mostly for the rest of the forum since, based on the majority of your previous posts here, you will likely look past what's written in order to fight your dad once again. It's interesting that you would look for a way to justify your misbehavior, especially after Stef brought this behavior to your attention in the call (not engaging in what's actually being said). Not once in my post did I say that your misbehavior was "not you". I finally understand why you never submit to correction and never leave what you see as a fight. You are always fighting your dad. That's why every dialogue is an argument that must be won at all costs for you. To fail is too painful. To fail is to die. I'm not your father. Neither is Stefan. It's also interesting that you hold him in such high regard while ignoring one of his most emphatic suggestions of "get thee to a therapist!". You're right in saying both parts have successes and failures, for sure. But one of those parts is completely blended with the father in your mind. It is dysfunctional. So here is where I make a healthy decision for me and a moral decision in regards to you. I will no longer interact with you whatsoever. To do so is to provide you with yet another platform from which you will continue to abuse yourself. I refuse to do that. And it is not a burden I wish to place on myself. Please seriously consider finding a good therapist. http://selfleadership.org/practitioners.html I found a great therapist 2 years ago and haven't looked back since. I've listened to every podcast Stef and company have put out. I've read almost 200 books in the last 2.5 years on psychology and philosophy (as well as other topics occasionally). And most importantly, I took to heart the advice Stef gave me when I called into the show 2 years ago. "You be honest!", he told me. When I started trying it out, I realized that I wasn't being honest with myself. That's why my problems wouldn't go away. I do not hold you in negative or positive esteem. I just wish that if you do one thing it's to find a good therapist. Best of luck to you.

MMX, thank you very much for this call. I can't give my full reaction right now because it's way passed my bedtime, but I did want to say a couple of things. The MMX that is talking for the first 2/3 of your call is not someone I find interesting in the least. He's irritating, arrogant, short sighted, and immoral. I want to have nothing to do with anyone like that. The MMX that finished out the call is vulnerable, empathetic, questioning, intelligent, honest and well worth anyone's time who has a shred of decency. He's a good man. I really appreciate your vulnerability and the work you've chosen to undertake at this point in your life. I'm so sorry about your breakup. I know exactly what it's like to lose the best person you've ever met. And my deepest sympathies about your relationship with your father. I think he and my father would get along. Anyway, you are already getting in touch with "the good man" you, which means the right woman is just around the corner. I hope you take Stef's suggestion and stop wasting your time with women who aren't worth your time. Thanks again, man.

To further muck up this thread, .... I wonder, Guzzy, do you apply the "God must be experienced to understand" logic to transgender folk? Certainly if millions of people believe in God then we should listen objectively to their claims, no? What if 750 million people claim to be transgender, should we listen objectively and with an open mind to their claims?

So a person born with female genitalia that is unable to self-lubricate and who is unable to reproduce does not have a real vagina? Women who have hysterectomies cease having real vaginas? This thread has become ridiculous. The existence of transwomen does not invalidate healthy masculinity. Nor does the existence of transmen invalidate healthy femininity.